Feeling Like An Orphan At 41

It was amazing to find a group of people that are just like me... an only child whose parents have both passed away.  I lost my Mom 6 years ago after a battle with Alzheimers and then I lost my Day 7 months ago to heart failure.  It has been difficult and extremely lonely.  I have distant family but no aunts or uncles and my closest cousin is a 2nd cousin.  Luckily I have some good friends but there are times that it just floors me that I have no family.  I'm not married and have no children of my own so it really does feel like its me out there all by myself. 

After my Dad's death I've had to do all the financial things required of clearing up the estate and selling property.  It is so time consuming and expensive that I really wonder some days how it will all turn out.  The idea of getting rid of all the things they worked so hard to get breaks by heart.  Thinking I no longer have any support system at all to fall back on scares me beyond words.  I miss them both so much and find myself wanting to talk to them and regretting all the things I should have done when they were still alive. 

I know I was so lucky to have them as long as I did but I also feel very cheated that they are gone now.  I look at others who still have their parents but take them for granted and just want to shake them... I would do anything to have them back with me, healthy and happy again.
liz42 liz42
4 Responses May 12, 2012

Dear Liz42 i am 39 and just lost my mum 6 months ago. I looked after my father for five years until his death 4 years ago. I understand how you feel about feeling cheated and guilty about not doing more while they were alive. I also feel jealous towards people who still have their parents, even my partner, as he doesnt understand my grief because he doesnt and cant comprehend how i feel. Plus he has siblings which i also some times feel jealous about even though i know its wrong to feel this way. Im glad to have found this website as it makes me feel less alone. Most times when my partner is away I just want to call my mum but it all comes back to me that I cant. I found her passed away, she had been dead for maybe a day or two when i found her as she wasnt returning my calls. I hope some day the guilt will go away, but it has been difficult for me to deal as I have had no one to talk to who understands. I think im ok one day and then the next it all comes crashing down on me and i feel so alone. I too feel like a lost and lonely child.

I know, I know, I get along fine for a while but then go back to regrets on what I didn't do. I cry for my mom every day. I feel like a lost child.

Hi, Liz. My Dad re-married (after divorcing my mom when I was 5) and I ended up with a stepmother and 3 stepsisters. He then died at age 36, when I was 9. My mother tried her best but my life was pretty much centered on her emotions and her needs. She died suddenly and extremely unexpectedly 4 years ago, in 2008, in such extreme circumstances that you couldn't even make it up. I have been through 6 months of PTSD therapy and STILL feel such an extreme loss. I lost someone who I thought was a good friend recently and it brought everything back to me. I can't believe how hard it is to lose everyone in your immediate family. JUst kow you are not alone. Maybe that will help. Sincerely, hjs

Hi Liz, our situations are pretty similar, so I can understand only too well how you are feeling. Being so alone in the world is rough. It is frightening to know that we have no support network at all. (I have no parents/siblings/partner/children and only have two distant cousins I never see). I go out every day to escape the loneliness, and in the hope that I will meet someone to settle down with. Some people with families can be so harsh, as they don't realise what it is like to have noone to rely on . And nowadays when there is so much stress placed on being independent, it is hard for us to actually tell people how difficult it is when there is truly noone there for us. We are treated as weak and pathetic for having the basic human need to matter to someone and to be cared for.

I am an only child too but have not experienced what you have. My thoughts are with you.