Feeling Alone

I'm an only child. My parents struggled to have a baby and as soon as my mother had me she could no longer have children so there was no way I'd ever have a sibling. Both my Parents have siblings and all my cousins do too. I'm the only, only child. I would always say to all of my friends how I wish I had a sibling (mainly a Sister). All of them would reply with disgust that I don't want one and I'm lucky. That made me feel extremely lonely. Growing up could be lonely, my parents were too busy to play with me so I'd spend hours alone. I found out at aged 7 I had a Brother. My Mother had him at 14 and gave him up for adoption. This made me think I'd have an amazing new relationship, but really he picks and choses our relationship. We didn't grow up together and he has brothers and there is an age gap of 24 years so we really only have a Mother in common but even that's only genetics as he has his own Mother. I had friends. One best friend who was three years older, I considered her like a Sister but eventually we drifted apart as I always expected. She went to Uni and I was stuck alone again. I always have felt that a Sister would be a friend that I could have forever. Recently I've felt a hollow feeling inside, like I'm missing something. I have a great life. I'm in an amazing relationship, living with my partner. I'm at University for my Degree. I'm doing everything I want but I just feel the loneliness of not having a sibling. All of my friends have Sisters that they have great relationships with, my partner has a Brother and a Sister that he doesn't have an amazing relationship with, but they are his Family so he'll always have them. My Granny died a year ago so this is possibly how I started thinking it. I took care of her, I walked her to the Bathroom, I gave her pain medication, I helped take all the burdens off my mother that I could. It was an exhausting thing to go through and I can see myself having to face in alone in the future for my own parents. I just want someone there, who loved my unconditionally and would be my friend when I needed in a way that you just can't feel with a Mum, Dad or Boyfriend.
AliceInvisable AliceInvisable
1 Response Jan 8, 2013

Hi I know how u feel. I feel the same way I have a lot of cousins that are like my sisters but there's always the LIKE sisters and I know that is never gonna be the same to have actually a sister than having LIKE a sister. It's sad because you continuously think about the future and how you may possibly end up alone