Growing up was not easy for me (as for a lot of women on this wonderful site). I was raped at 11 by my cousin, lost an eye to one of my mothers boyfriends, and was almost strangled to death by this same boyfriend of my mothers.
I ended up in foster homes - one to another to another. 55+ foster homes in 3 years. It was hell. I slept in abandoned houses at times, just to get out of the cold of winter. I have slept in public washrooms to stay warm. It was the worst time of my life, but it helped me to become strong.
By the time I was 15 I was working 2 jobs and living on my own with friends in a house we rented and shared together. That didn't last long because they all wanted to party and I had 2 jobs to work. So I moved out to an apartment of my own. It was hard to meet the bills some months, and had even had my electricty and phone cut off at times. I always managed to make things work though.
By the time I was 21, I was married for the first time. The marriage was good at first, but he would control things. After 14 years together, I was done. I left and met a man on the internet. I honestly thought he was my soulmate. Our first time together, I got pregnant. Now the real fun begins...
I left to be with the man who was to become the father of my oldest child. We both moved from different provinces and settled in Alberta. We rented a home together and for 7 months, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life. A week before my daughter was born, my love told me he was leaving. And he did... I was completely devastated. How could I have this baby without a daddy for her? I carried on...
The day my daughter was born, I was alone. I was still grieving for the man I loved with all my heart. He broke my heart - shattered it to pieces and never told me why. I thought we were both happy! I felt so alone, even after my daughter was born, I felt I had noone.
I knew I had to step up to the plate as I now that this beautiful little girl that I needed to take care of. I had no idea what I was going to do. I ended up working 4 jobs at the same time to keep her in diapers and food. I was managing without her fathers help as he paid no child support. My oldest is about to turn 10 and I have never seen a penny of support from him and nor will I ever.
Just after my daughters first birthday, I met my current husband. He was nice, and I thought that he would make me happy. But he turned out to be completely non-sexual and it was a wonder that we had a daughter (my 2nd child) together. On top of being non-sexual, he is controlling and loves to fight.
My husband has hurt me many times, the last time, a fight, where he called me a bad mother, a loser, and told me he was not attracted to me because I was 'fat'. Talk about a slap in the face!
We are still together, for how long, I don't know, but for now, it's all I have. I want to leave, but financially I can't. Not yet. But it will happen.
And to ice the cake completely, I have been dumped by my so called 'friends'. I always thought I would die with my loving family and friends by my side. Now I can honestly see that I will die alone....