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My Story

Growing up was not easy for me (as for a lot of women on this wonderful site). I was raped at 11 by my cousin, lost an eye to one of my mothers boyfriends, and was almost strangled to death by this same boyfriend of my mothers.

I ended up in foster homes - one to another to another.  55+  foster homes in 3 years.  It was hell.  I slept in abandoned houses at times, just to get out of the cold of winter.  I have slept in public washrooms to stay warm.  It was the worst time of my life, but it helped me to become strong.

By the time I was 15 I was working 2 jobs and living on my own with friends in a house we rented and shared together.  That didn't last long because they all wanted to party and I had 2 jobs to work.  So I moved out to an apartment of my own.  It was hard to meet the bills some months, and had even had my electricty and phone cut off at times.  I always managed to make things work though.

By the time I was 21, I was married for the first time.  The marriage was good at first, but he would control things.  After 14 years together, I was done.  I left and met a man on the internet.  I honestly thought he was my soulmate.  Our first time together, I got pregnant.  Now the real fun begins...

I left to be with the man who was to become the father of my oldest child.  We both moved from different provinces and settled in Alberta.  We rented a home together and for 7 months, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life.  A week before my daughter was born, my love told me he was leaving.  And he did... I was completely devastated.  How could I have this baby without a daddy for her?  I carried on...

The day my daughter was born, I was alone.  I was still grieving for the man I loved with all my heart. He broke my heart - shattered it to pieces and never told me why.  I thought we were both happy!  I felt so alone, even after my daughter was born, I felt I had noone.

I knew I had to step up to the plate as I now that this beautiful little girl that I needed to take care of.  I had no idea what I was going to do.  I ended up working 4 jobs at the same time to keep her in diapers and food.  I was managing without her fathers help as he paid no child support.  My oldest is about to turn 10 and I have never seen a penny of support from him and nor will I ever.

Just after my daughters first birthday, I met my current husband.  He was nice, and I thought that he would make me happy.  But he turned out to be completely non-sexual and it was a wonder that we had a daughter (my 2nd child) together.  On top of being non-sexual, he is controlling and loves to fight.

My husband has hurt me many times, the last time, a fight, where he called me a bad mother, a loser, and told me he was not attracted to me because I was 'fat'.  Talk about a slap in the face!

We are still together, for how long, I don't know, but for now, it's all I have.  I want to leave, but financially I can't.  Not yet.  But it will happen.

And to ice the cake completely, I have been dumped by my so called 'friends'.  I always thought I would die with my loving family and friends by my side.  Now I can honestly see that I will die alone....

Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 5 Responses May 4, 2008

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Thanks for sharing such a powerful story. You are a very strong lady.

Thank-you Latent....

Thank-you so much Maureenb... your prayers mean so much to me! <br />
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I have had SOME therapy... but not a lot - but I feel that I have been blessed because I am not repeating patterns that were used on me... so God must be looking out for me!

Keep going. You've had a hard road for sure. Have you been to therapy? When you've been hurt so much, it's hard to have a healthy relationship or a healthy outlook.Just to be alive after what you've been through is amazing. Therapy would help you not repeat the patterns you were raised with also. Good Luck Hon. I'll be praying for you. You deserve to be happy.

Thank-you both for your comments. It has surely been a hard road, but I did manage to get through it. I just keep ending up in relationships that don't make me happy and I don't know why. I just have to keep searching for what MY life's meaning is meant to be....