I Am And Always Will Be An Outcast

No matter who I am and who I hang out with I will always be and outcast. Today my friend made a joke about her brother and all I could do was stare and then everyone started laughing at her joke. I couldn't laugh they then decided to go out by the beach while I didn't know what to do but follow. At the beach the only thing I could do was text and write notes and play some apps. I am single right now but before I would always feel as if no one even liked me I felt ignored and astray from any social contact.

Every laughs and talks I avoid talk to some of the people in the IT crowd. Though they are nice I feel as if they are filled with lies and I cannot even here them talk. I am alone I live in my shadow and yet no one can understand how this feels. RIGHT NOW I feel as if no one can see me and I am nothing. Why should I prove to so many people that I am social when clearly I AM NOT. WHY? must I keep feeling so EMPTY.
Jaylynn4ever Jaylynn4ever
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 11, 2010

no. that first answer up there is stupid^ and that person obviously has no idea how people like us feel.<br />
I know what you mean, its like you have those days where you want everyone to see you, and then some days you feel as if there is nothing to see.<br />
a constant toss up between feeling like you should try and belong and feeling like you'll never belong. its impossible to be happy and whether you're stuck inside your own head in a crowd of people or drowning in misery and desperation alone in your bedroom, you're never in the right place. you cant "put yourself out there" because you don't know what to put, and you can't "find something in common" with those people because it seems as if they fit into a scene in which you are just an outsider.<br />
outsider. outcast. invisible. the words flow through your head and remind you that it's all you'll ever be.<br />
My heart is with you. I understand. I live it too.<br />
one day babe, we'll get out.

I was in the same place as you one point. I never liked to talk to people because I always felt I had nothing in common with people. I just felt like no one could get me. One thing you can not keep saying all your life is that I am going to be an outcast no matter who i am and whatever I do. It is the forces of attraction. If you feel negative about something it will come back at you ten fold and if you feel positive them same thing will occur. I have been depressed for an amount of 6 to 7 years. Peoplen always told me I needed help because of the way I was feeling. I just felt unnoticable and just not worthy of anything. I mean point blank a loser. I felt there was no solution to become a better person. To be honest I still feel I am looking for the right answer but I also am abetter person than i was years ago. Highschool and even before that has an impact on you clearly for my be half but I will day just see the positivty and most occasions and let all the negative comments go. Don't let them over power your mind or you'll be back in the sam eplace again.

All I can say is that you have to put yourself out there. You can't be scared to say something, and if you have nothing to say that's fine. You're not an outcast because you dont talk much, you just keep to yourself.<br />
<br />
But if this is something you want to break away from, just try your hardest to relate to the people in your group, find something you have in common and surely you will be able to blossom socially. You by no means have to chat up EVERY person, but giving it a shot wont hurt.