What Am I Doing Wrong?

I am in grad school, but I didn't come right out of undergrad. I'm also just kind of an awkward person sometimes, and I can't think of things to say to people. I never used to be like that! I always used to be funny and talkative and everyone would come talk to me all the time, but now... idk, I just lost it? Plus I'm in a totally new place with totally different people, so its hard to fit in. I definitely don't. I was happy last week b/c a girl who's 'popular' in the sense that grad schoolers can be went with me to grab a beer after class. We talked, and it was fun! She told me this secret story about her life, and b/c of the beer, or b/c she just realized nobody else in class talks to me really, she trusted me with it. Today, I said this very generic line from the story she told me, just in a funny way when I greeted her, and she was on her own, not in a group of people who would've inquired about it. She turned bright red and got close to me and said, "personal life canNOT be talked about in school." and before I could finish my quick apology, she turned and stormed away. So my chance at a social life was definitely blown. I once again feel like a complete pariah. I even found out today that one girl who always makes a fool of herself in class and is pretty obnoxious (I'm quiet - never really stand out) actually is invited out drinking w/ everyone all the time. I have no idea what happens outside of class, and even if I was invited, I never really know what do to once I return to class the next day. How does everyone else just know how to act? idk, but my lack of knowledge in this area is completely costing me a social life, and I'm such a social person that this is really bothering me. Does anyone have any advice? I really am reaching out here for advice other than 'don't worry about it.' Thanks guys :>
tobesingleagain tobesingleagain 26-30, F 3 Responses Nov 16, 2010

Your Response


They are all a bit younger than you and haven't been out in the real world. They haven't left school where they are taught mostly by people who have never left school and hanging out with people who have never left school. There is only one universal language in these environments and that is beer. And the best dialect is free beer. A secondary language that you may find useful ( and fun) is sex. Your hot and horny so use it to your advantage and start networking with what's between your legs! Guys will want to know you, hang out with you and the girls will follow because they will want the guys as well. Your reputation will be none the worse for wear when you finish your studies and the cool chick (usual ringleader of bullying or close to it) won't ever rag you because information is power and you got it.

Hi, I think the first thing you are doing wrong is worrying about other people too much. most of them are as worried and insercure in new inviroments as you are. it is just that you feel out of place right now. I take it you have had a bit of time out of the class room and now feel out of step / placve now you are back.<br />
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It will take a while to settle in and feel like you belong. I would definatley say that trying too hard will not be a big help too you. Just be nice, be your self and put yourself out there. If you hide away because you feel like you don't fit in then I think that you will not fit in.<br />
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I have a hunch you are a beautiful, sexy person who would be great to know. You just have to let other people figure that out for themsleves.<br />
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You may well have put your foot in it with your new friend but just take your time to find the right oppartunity to appologies and DO NOT mention her sercrate again. What was it..? does she have a little ****** hidden in her panties ??<br />
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Anyway, I am no expert but I have been in many situation where I have been the new guy ( I used to be a pro sports horseman and moved jobs many times and was always the only guy and the youngest on the yard ). The best thing you can do is be nice to everyone and not try too hard to impress.<br />
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I hope you are getting on OK at school and have found someone to hang out with.

All the while you are in school you are also in the school of life. You learned not to tell even a line because sometimes people are scared of revealing themselves. This is not even close to a failure. It is just miscommunication. You can and should take the girl out for a beer (you buy) and tell her that you are sorry for sharing what you did. This will show sensitivity to her and from all you have said, I am sure you would not intentionally hurt another person. One of the problems is that what seemed innocuous to you was very private to her. For many people, sharing is scary. She may be scared that you would share more in another setting so she may regret having revealed herself to you. <br />
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The second thing that you will be glad you did is to do one thing today that scares you. Say hello to one person, or flirt outrageously with some guy, or find some other thing that really challenges you. Then think about your feelings and see what you really feel. It may surprise you how much you enjoy this, even if it sounds scary and I sound crazy.