What Do You Give When You Have Nothing Left...

You said your oldest has ADHD, I am sorry. You did not say how old your kids are. Maybe you can ask your 2nd oldest to help you out. Kids love to have responsibility. Have him/her help get your youngest and oldest ready. Tell your 2nd oldest that since your oldest is not able to help you out he is the one you are counting on to help you out. That will be a big ego burst for him/her and I bet they will help you. Even if its something small like pouring some cereal and milk and putting their shoes on and tieing. I am in the same boat you are and my youngest loves helping me and my oldest son out. My oldest son is 13 and my youngest son is 11 and I am divorced.

wow scbutrfli, you seem to have it all figured out. I think I might have to use some of your ideas at our house. Thank you.
Canjn - I hear you with being on the go all the time and having a husband that seems to be another child. I have 4 and I do everything myself. Of course husband thinks I don't do enough because he has never lived one day in my shoes. I say we get together and leave the husbands for a week alone with EVERYTHING and then see what happens. Our men won't know what the %&** to do haha. As far as the pain in #$$ comment regarding your son. I don't look down on you at all for that. We all know you love your children and that comment was made to explain to us what your mornings are like. My kids (all 4 of them) are a pain in the #$$ at least once every day doesn't mean I don't love them just means that I am human for getting frustrated.
All the best, your doing a great job!
You sound like a good mom and wife to me!

Well, the first thing you'd need to do, obviously, is disregard Mermaid2005.

The next thing you need to do is follow Nancy Reagan's advice and "Just say NO!" to your husband. He needs to take ownership of his own life, at least, and maybe even help with the children he has fathered. (I know, it's a wild concept for many men.) If he has a real problem with certain tasks, what items can he take from your list of stuff to do in trade for you doing some of his?

Woman, you definitely need some regularly scheduled breaks, however you can manage that. If not for your sake (which it should be), than for your kids' sakes. Do you have any friends or family that could help? If even to trade off days of watching each other's kids, etc. If you allow your life force to be drained away, you'll have nothing more to give to anyone, plus you'll jeopardize your health. And trust me here, your health can disappear in a blink.

To all the mothers who have posted, I give you a big round of applause for all the sacrifices you have so obviously made. And I hope each of your lives, along with your children's lives, are significantly enriched because of it.

To Candjn: I sure hope you can utilize some of the advice here and I hope that your husband realizes what a gem he married and decides to respect and cherish you the way that he should. If nothing else, know that fellow women can identify and appreciate all the effort you are putting into your children. I wish you all the best. :)

I have to go with 'scbutrfli' and MomOf2Sons', candjn, and tell you to focus more on that which is positive - such as having 3 children. in what I'm reading, you must be nothing short of the 'world' to them and I have no doubt they appreciate all it is that you do or are doing! as for 'Mr Wonderful', whelp - you two need to sit and discuss your point of view. (always two sides to a story) I can see your issues but you need to see what are his - still though, you are doing way more then your fair share and it would be great for him to be a 'supporting' role too. again, though, always seek the 'positive' side of those influences in your life - look in that mirror, in the morning, and simply state 'I AM THE BEST'!! ~ I salute you ~

Your husband needs to do more, pure and simple. Wife does not equal slave. It's a partnership. Especially if you have a special needs child. I can see why you are frustrated with your kids behavior in the morning. I'm not judging you on that. No mother is 100% happy with her kids all the time and then when you add a situation like ADHD that kicks the frustration up a notch, especially when your husband is not doing his fair share.
In my opinion if a wife is miserable that means she is putting up with a husband who is not doing his job. What is a husbands job? To make his wife happy. To provide physically, emotionally and materially for her and any kids that come in to the picture. Otherwise, what was the point of getting married?
If your financial situation merits that you both are forced to work to survive than it's your husbands job to get off his can and take a double shift (since you are working the classic double shift of a working mother, a job plus taking care of everything at home). If your husband doesn't like the ideal of having two jobs then he needs to get some training and get a better job to provide for you and the kids. If you like to work, that's awesome, you should be able to do that too. But your husband needs to share in the shift at home with house work, kids, cooking and he can shine his own boots.

wow.....i value your courage,selfless, and love for your family.
I relate to this story, because my mother was in that same situation. and now my sister is in that same situation, i in the other hand,,.I stand as far as possible from relationships lol
It amazes me how mentally strong they are, i would have broken out or walked out long time. lol Ask for help, i help my sister all the time, i clean her house and hang out with her kids alot and talk to your husband, work something out. For the sake of family, talk to each other. iam pretty sure he is worned out too...
I hope yall not thinking about a 4th child lol

i'm osama 30 years old single
i'm petrolium engineer

Crap! Typed up what I thought was a nice response and then wasn't logged in and lost it all. :(

One quick comment is it's OK to be mad at your kids. It's not displaced anger, or abnormal, or bad to be mad at them. Its an emotion not good or bad. Emotions are motivators pure and simple. As long as you don't do negative things with your emotions it's fine. Your anger actually probably gives you the energy to do what needs to be done on some mornings.

I have two boys 9 and 6 and they both have ADHD. On most mornings before the medication kicks in following directions or staying on task is out of the question. I'm proud to say that they can both be total pains in the ***. AHDH is a blessing and a curse and in the mornings I typically see the curse. Sometimes I just give in to the chaos and have a good time.

It is tough! I can see improvement over time, though, even if it takes a LONG time to see that improvement.

i'm very sorry to hear this. i can hear your frustration.

Wow, Mom you deserve a break.

While it is indeed true that we make our own choices, I doubt it is helpful to advise you on taking responsibility for those choices. As a matter of fact, you are, in essence taking quite a bit of responsibility for them every single day. It sounds as if you are burdened by more than your fair share, however.

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to discuss your feelings, thoughts and concerns with your husband in a non-threatening manner. Its clearly your choice, but if you can find someone who you trust to watch your children for a while, maybe you and your husband can get away from the stress and have a chance of re-connecting on an emotional level.

There are two sides to every story, and we know yours. Your husband also has his version of how your daily lives interact, and he deserves to express his views without being blamed. Marriage is indeed a partnership, and without sincere, heart-felt, honest communication it can become a very heavy burden on both of you.

If these problems cannot be resolved, then perhaps both of you should consider making different choices in your lives.

I sincerely hope you find a a resolution to these things that trouble you, and also that there is peace, love, and serenity in your life.

I am a single full time dad. My daughter is 11 and about to go into high school. So in some ways we have the same problem i.e. juggling kids work etc.
The only thing that gets me through is the fact that I know my daughter is growing up quickly and becoming more independent. One day she will be old enough not to need me anymore and my life will be less hectic. I will have more time for my self.
It cold comfort I know.
And stuff your husband, shine his shoes etc. What a pr@#k!

I think everybody covered all the bases here. It makes sense why you are tired, anyone under those circumstances would be, but i assume no one is standing there telling you how to live and or forcing you to do all those household duties. So in that case, try taking more breaks, and if your husband says anything, tell him he needs to pitch in a little more because you are overwhelmed. Your kids sound young so you might not see hard core evidence of their appreciation for some time. But from someone on the outside looking in, i would say, and i think that everyone else would agree, that you are doing a great job. We all at one point get tired and bored with our lives, thats normal, and we all figure out a way to keep going. Your kids arent something you can send back, thats why having children is an important decision. We know going in that life is going to be a little more challenging from the day they are born. So, since it's the choice you made, all you can do is what you've been doing--your best to take care of them. Hang in there, someday they will be grown, and will be able to understand and appreciate the sacrifices you made.

Tell your husband that you are tired doing these. Tell him that it is difficult enough to juggle between work and kids. He should have done more by himself because during the day after he sleeps he should be able some things.

I decided to write to you to let you know one thing: DON't GIVE UP. I live with a child with autism and I can relate to how you say that he is a pain in the ****. It doesn't mean that you don't love him/her, but it means you are human. We all have our limits. My wife and I are, as well, 2 ships passing. Sometimes we both feel like single parents.

I read many of the comments and I can tell that many of them do not understand the intense struggle between upholding a family, a marriage, a job AND your sanity. This struggle is NOT never-ending. Sure, your child may always be special needs, but time changes all things. Your husband will get a clue - either by speaking to him or a bat over the head. LOL Your children will mature and, with some prays from up above - your sanity will return.

My advise would be to find some time in the day to refocus and recharge. Somedays, this is only 5 minutes when I am sitting in the car before I see my wife and kids. Other times, I find some time when I am home. I have told my children, when I am at my wits end, that daddy needs a time-out. I started small and lengthened it as they understood the rules, (This happened over a long periods of time) . Depending on the kids maturity and patience, I make this time from 10 minutes to an hour. (I tell my kids that the rule for time out if that their body must be on their beds - no touching th floor. I make them potty, ect beforehand so there is no reason to leave their room. And-when I am real lucky - they fall asleep.

As for chores, I agree that, as adults, everyone should help out. Even kids can do the small stuff, even if it's simply straightening pillows, throwing clothes in the hamper, picking up their toys, whatever.

Let your husband know when you are tired. Remind him that you are not wonder woman. As a man, I forget all the things my wife does for me. And it doesn't mean I don't appreciate it, but life has a way of running off. Remember to always love, laugh and pray. And if he doesn't get it, don't do those things. He's an adult - not a child. If he complains, let him. Your his wife, not his maid or his mother.

Good luck and be strong!

Even though its all clear that you have all domestic and household responsibilites , and you are sole responsible of taking care of your kids at home.But , in spite of all hard work and tiring schedule , you don't sound very much fed up and bored with your life.And , your whole story tells me about your confidence,your determination and true devotion to your husband and your family.And , not a single sentence of you gave me any negative energy , any disappointment or complains. But , its showed me your potential of keeping up positive attitude of living tough life. Hats off to U !