Being a Mom Is a Thankless Job

I am a mom of 4 ages 9(boy) 7(boy) and twins 2 (boy/girl).  I have been off work since the twins were born and have decided it is time to go back to work to gain some sanity.  I would love to be a stay at home mom and raise my kids,  we could afford to do it that way but I just can't handle how unappreciated I am.  My husband is the type to come home and start yelling right away and since I have been off work and "Just" a stay at home mom he has no respect for my opinion, my time or my work that I do at home.  See if he leaves for work and the house is clean and he gets home and the house is clean he assumes that I did nothing all day (because of course we all know that two year old twins couldn't possibly make any mess)  He wants the older children to do homework and reading right after school and in a perfect world that would work however MY world is far from perfect and I can't possibly help the kids with homework and reading while I have supper on the stove and twins running around destroying the rest of the house.  He works out of town so he only gets home 2-3 times a week and when he is home all he does is yell and scream at the kids and treat me like one also.  Why does he yell and scream at the kids you ask? Well he figures the kids should be perfect because I should teach them to be perfect.  They should listen ALL the time and never get rambunctious or do anything wrong and if they do it is my fault that he has to yell and scream at them because I must not be doing my job as a parent.  I agree that my older kids are out of control.  I don't have time to spend with them because I am so busy chasing the twins around all day.  I have a really hard time with discipline because I can not follow through half the time.   I can not hold my 9 year old down for a time out while the twins are running around getting into everything  and spanking just doesn't work for him (same with the 7 year old) so as a result they have figured me out and have gotten way out of hand.  I have been trying to follow the 1 2 3 magic program which I think will work with the kids BUT husband refuses to read the book or listen to me when I try to teach him the program (because I am just dumb he figures)  My older boys are very aggressive and have very low self esteem which I feel comes from them seeing their father throw temper tantrums and he calls them down when they do something wrong.  I refuse to belittle my kids (lord knows they get enough of that from their father) and I refuse to expect perfection out of them.  I will not hit my kids (the odd spank, although it never works for me)  It's no wonder they won't listen to me, mom's punishments are nothing in comparision to what they get when dad is home. 

I am at the end of my rope, I am treated like a child who needs to be told what to do by my husband(and don't forget that anything I do do is wrong or not good enough) and I am walked all over by my kids. 

I have heard one to many times "Well somebody has to work" from my husband and that I am doing it all wrong that we have actually hired a live in nanny and I am going back to work.  In my husbands eyes I am a failure as a wife and mother (he may not come out and use those words but his actions tell me everyday)


1234kids 1234kids
4 Responses Jun 16, 2008

You are not a failure. Being a SAHM is difficult. I am experiencing tough times being SAHM too. It is a lot of work and not appreciated compared to working outside of the home. Going back to work sounds liberating and will allow you more time for yourself. Your husband may appreciate you more since you've returned to work.

leave him

I hear you loud and clear 1234kids. I too have 4 kids (two are twins) so I know the struggles and chaos that's going on in your home! My husband also works ridiculous hours and he's never home to help. When he is home he yells at the kids too and expects me to have sex wit him! But I don't cave to his demands. I'm a stay at home mom as well with a wasted college degree. My husband won't share a bank account with me so I'm constantly having to ask him to transfer money into my account so I can buy groceries, diapers, and other household goods as well as pay the bills. He thinks I'm going to take all of "HIS" money and the kids and move back home. He has serious trust and self-esteem issues (probably because he's gotten so overweight over the years...I had 4 kids, what's his excuse? :-) Hope things get better for you and your family. Hope it gets better for my family too.

I am here to tell you if you do not get a handle on this immediately you will be in for the worst abuse from your husband and kids for a very long time. Your self esteem is in the gutter. You must get a grip for your kids sake and get control of your home. Your husband is walking all over you, do not allow him to do this. No one deserves that abuse. Stand up to him and tell him you are through with his disrespect and rudeness. Do not pick up after him, cook for him and most important stand strong with your feelings of being emotionally abused. Tell him you will leave him no matter what if he does not change. You will do whatever it takes to get your kids in a positive and loving enviroment. Your kids treat you poorly because you are not following through with discipline and consequences for bad behavior. Your husband should also have consequences for his behavior as well. But most important is to reward when you see the positive. I wish you the best, I know it will not be easy but you are a mom which is the most important job you will ever have. By the way I never spank.