I Just Keep Trying

I am the Mother of 4 children, I am a single Mother for 8 years now. When I got my divorce all my kids were under 10 years old. I really didn't have any problems with them then but now that they are older it is getting real bad. My oldest is 19, she really isn't the problem but We have had our share, THe problem is my 18 year old son. He has had a attitude problem from the time I can remember, but for some reason he is the one that I seem to coddle the most. He is downright Abusive to me verbally, And I keep on trying to be what he wants but it doesn't matter. He is also abusive to my 2 smaller children, he is a pretty big kid and they are afraid of him.
myob07 myob07
36-40, F
5 Responses May 1, 2007

Was your son exposed to an abusive father when he was younger? Was your husband verbally abusive to you in front of the kids? There could be a connection. Does he have any positive male role models in his life now? That's easier said than done. I have a teenage son with zero positive male role models. I wouldn't even know where to find one. Plus, what normal man is going to care about some random teenage boy and even want to mentor him. Those men usually have their own lives to live. It's a tough situation. When my son would speak abusively to me I would let him know that it's not okay and then try to find out what's bothering him. He has mellowed out a lot. Maybe with your son you can put up boundaries of what's okay and whats not. "It's never okay to speak to your mother like that." Plus you can take away his car or computer if he gets out of hand. Kids need consequences when they cross the line. Let him know that you are imposing these rules because you love him and want him to grow up to be a good man that treats others kindly.

If your son is hurting your younger children maybe you might have to practice some tough love with this kid. You can not tolerate abusive behaviour or it will not stop and just keep getting worse. He is 18, does he go to school? Have a job? Perhaps an ultimatum of shape up or ship out might be in order. He will only give you the respect you deserve if you demand it and if it has gone on this long it is going to be a long tough road. I wish you luck and lots of strength. I do understand that this is all easier said than done but if nothing changes at your end, nothing will change at his.

If your son is hurting your younger children maybe you might have to practice some tough love with this kid. You can not tolerate abusive behaviour or it will not stop and just keep getting worse. He is 18, does he go to school? Have a job? Perhaps an ultimatum of shape up or ship out might be in order. He will only give you the respect you deserve if you demand it and if it has gone on this long it is going to be a long tough road. I wish you luck and lots of strength. I do understand that this is all easier said than done but if nothing changes at your end, nothing will change at his.

I truely sympathise with you on this one, I've had many a fight with my son who is now almost 20yrs old.<br />
He ended up moving out into my ex boyfriends house, he was always like a father to him, but even now his attitude sux!!<br />
We can't be in the same room as each other for 5 minutes without getting into a fight!!<br />
I keep telling myself that he'll grow out of it, but I'm still waiting .. he's now planted himself into my territory at work and got a job within the same company, I'm hoping that our paths don't cross very often, but it makes me feel like a very bad mother that I can't stand being around my ONLY son??<br />
I'm sure one day we'll be able to spend time with each other, but he has to have a personallity transplant before I'll even think about liking him again. I love my son, and would do anything for him, and I still do buy him everything that he needs, but I guess that we just don't have that parent/child relationship that we used to have when he was younger. Dont feel alone, I have spoken to others who feel exactly the same, I'm afraid we all just have to grin and bear it at times.

I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way. I truly believe that kids are kids, most of the time its hard to express what they truly feel so they express their feelings in a way they are comfortable with. Which could be the reason why your 18 year old is really mean. You also said you try to be what he wants you to be. Thats a wrong way of dealing with that problem. You might have to change your ways but not for his expectations. I'm sure that you are not under appreciated your kids may not know how to show you your appreciated nor do they think you need to know. So you know the saying treat others the way you would like to be treated? Maybe you should try that method. JOke with them spend more time with them become comfortable with them, show them you love them. Kids are not dumb either, most of the time they see tru false plees so you really have to be repetative. Also express your problems openly and in a calm manner as if you were talking to an adult. Speak about you expectations and your feelings and let them give you a reason for their behavior. Being a single parent means your the head honcho you have to be in control with out making your kids rebal.