Who Am I?

I found this site while doing a little bit of soul searching. I am 19 years old and am just now beginning to find and question my identity as a person. And one of the most basic aspects of one's identity is an anomaly for me.. that is, gender. Biologically I am female. But throughout my entire life I have always been considered a "tomboy". I had male friends. I preferred dinosaurs over dolls. I didn't like anything frilly and I hated dressing up. At the same time, however, I wasn't rowdy and loud and I liked Lisa Frank. So I wouldn't consider myself transgender as I have many female traits as well.
After puberty, I wore baggy clothing that hid my breasts. I have never felt comfortable with them and still don't now. I cut my hair to a length that was acceptable to both genders. I also found pleasure in dressing up in ties and button up shirts. Often I was mistaken for a boy and didn't mind the change. Lately, though, I've been wearing more gender appropriate (for female) clothing that is more form fitting. I still don't feel right, though. I just wish I was a "nothing". I wish I could live on the line between male and female. Neither feels right. I'm thinking about buying a breast binder so I can appear equally as both. I am blessed with narrow hips.

Am I androgynous? Or am I just a really confused female with boyish traits? What the hell am I? Please reply as I don't have anyone I feel comfortable talking about this with in great detail. And let me know if you're going through the same thing...
I should also mention that I am asexual, adding further confusion to my identity ahaha.
autoimmune autoimmune
4 Responses Aug 5, 2010

Your entire first paragraph could be about myself other then the age and the fact that my hips are pretty wide (though not as wide as most women). I too, have been called a 'tomboy', or as I grew older, a 'man's mind in a woman's body'. I too do not like my breasts, and wish to get a mastectomy to have them removed entirely. I played with dinosaurs instead of dolls (well, sorta, my dinosaurs just tended to eat and maim the dolls my family insisted on buying me haha). I too like dressing up as a girl occasionally, but I feel almost like a cross-dresser when I do. A few friends joke that it's as though I'm dressing in drag. I identify as an androgyne, and a lesbian/gynesexual. <br />
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So I think it's safe to say, that if you feel you're androgynous, then you are! Another term that you might feel more... proper, is third gender, or perhaps even bigendered. :)

Wow! I am asexual too, although I'm capable of romantic emotions. I wish to meet more androgynous people. I think they're (and therefore you) are beautiful.

Only you can determine what your identity is, because you know who you are better than anyone else. Also, I'd like to mention that "Transgender" is an umbrella term that does include people who identify as Androgyny (and everyone else who exists outside of the cisgendered realm), and there are many other gender labels that you could apply to yourself beyond the societal binary. I identify as 3rd gender, or gender non-conforming, but I choose to make physical transitions to look more "male" because I feel that it neutralizes the femaleness of my body (and I am more "masculine")...which also makes me identify as an FtM. <br />
Good luck on the soul searching, my friend. If you need more resources, feel free to bug me (in fact, I suggest checking out susans.org if you would like to talk to other trans folks, or read about their experiences...it really helped me find myself).

I am not going through the same thing, or anything like it of that matter.<br />
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But if all else fails and no one is going through the same thing comes to your rescue to help you, I am still here for ya.<br />
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