As a boy, I was always "soft." Sensitive, easy to tears, caring, thoughtful; all sorts of things that boys aren't supposed to be. I learned to hide it because that is what you are expected to do. I played sports, but was horrible at most of them, and for the most part really didn't care. (Not that the taunting for being uncoordinated didn't leave a mark, because to this day I avoid team sports.) I had an experience where on of my friend's father tried to talk me into having a sexual experience with him (prior to my moving to a new state) and I found that to be very confusing, but fortunately nothing occurred from it. As I grew into my adult form, I stayed hetero, but have always felt something was amiss. My marriage has been a difficult one and I have blocked off my emotions for a very long time. When the dam finally broke, a lot of repressed emotion came spilling out. One of them came out as, I'm gay, just not attracted to men." Obviously a challenge for my wife to cope with. Since then I have discovered that androgyny can be an emotional state and occur regardless of sexual preference (hetero/bi/homo). Has helped to understand things a little more clearly. I don't have a lot of male friends, tend to connect with women better. This time when my male friend told me I think like a chick, I just smiled and said that I have heard that before. It's not something that I can share with many people. Told my mother about it and she said that I am most like her of the kids (2 sisters- go figure) and that she has always attracted friends of both sexes to be close to. I'm glad I spoke to her. Had decided not to bring it up, but then the conversation just ended up there anyway. (She wan't shocked, we have spoken about my confused sexual identity and the predator in the past.) I think this was the first time I articulated it in a way that she identified with it though. Working through the rest of it. Getting divorced...will have to find a woman with a very open emotional palette to allow my self ex
pression to make me feel more whole. I won't settle for less on that score. Not sure how hard that is going to be. What date do bring up being emotionally androgynous on? Too soon and you freak her out...too late and its deception and wasted time. Can't say that I'm looking forward to that piece, but I don't see that I have much choice. To repeat what I have already gone through would be a disaster for me.