Insignificant Others

My sex is male, my gender is (I have recently discovered) androgyne. I am sexually attracted exclusively to (genetic) females and have never experienced any urges to experiment sexually with other males. My gender presentation is predominantly masculine with feminine flourishes.

A couple of years ago, I made friends with my female self, my Anima. She’s been with me all of my life and right throughout my life she’s tried to let me know she’s there, but in some ways I’ve felt more than a little ashamed and embarrassed about her. I have spent all my adult life living with the fear of shame and humiliation that would overwhelm me if my secret were to be discovered and so hid my secret away. Since overcoming my fears and being more true to myself in the way I dress I’ve found that most of my fears regarding the way other people would react were unfounded. There have been a couple of minor incidents in which bigotry has reared its ugly head, but nothing too disturbing.

For the most part, the people I have encountered have been either readily accepting, tolerant or just plain curious. I have certainly not been subjected to the ridicule and derision that I feared for so many years and most of the looks and stares focussed in my direction tend to be of curiosity in the same way that people tend to stare at anyone whose appearance does not fit with society’s norms, such as Punks, Goths, Hells Angels or even people with a visible disability.

I began reading Hope Alexander's articles on Hub Pages around 2 years ago and as a result of this my level of acceptance of my femininity has grown, in the same way that the sense of shame & guilt I've carried about it has diminished. This has also been helped greatly by the new lady in my life not only accepts this, but actually loves this part of me and will defend me and my lifestyle against small-minded individuals who would criticise or do not understand; she loves the whole of me and allows me to be my true self, without any form of negativity towards my gender blending; however, at the same time, she is sensitive enough to give gentle guidance by helping me not to overstep the mark for any given situation, whereas I might try to push the boundaries a little.

I am now quite comfortable and accepting of who I am and live my life with the philosophy of “Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.” Alongside this I do try to be sensitive to the sensibilities and feelings of others and so try to avoid being too “in your face” about my gender.

If anyone asks with genuine interest why I dress and behave the way I do, I will answer their questions intelligently, to the best of my ability and knowledge; then again, those who demonstrate ignorance and intolerance through derision and/or abuse will very soon find themselves on the receiving end of my annoyance and resentment towards their narrow-minded intolerance and bigotry.

I like being me. I am intelligent and well-read, with an enquiring mind, a little knowledge in a wide range of subjects and a great deal of detailed knowledge in a few areas. I am a boy and I’m a man, but I’m also part woman too.

I have at the core of my being, a good balance of masculinity and femininity, a foot in both camps…..the best of both worlds.

The degree to which either is expressed varies day-by-day, according to my mood. Some days I am almost entirely masculine in my presentation and on others I am strongly – but never entirely – feminine. I love my soft, silky and feminine lingerie, which I wear every day irrespective of what my choice of outer clothing may be. I do feel that in a more tolerant society, one in which feminine men are more widely accepted in the same way that comparatively higher levels of masculinity are accepted in women, that my presentation would be more strongly feminine more often; however, in consideration for those around me, I often feel I need to temper my own needs in deference to their sensitivity and sensibilities.

The only opinions I care about are those in my immediate social and family circle and it is their sensibilities I consider – in addition to my own needs - when deciding on my presentation. For example, I have two primary school aged children and my partner has two teenage boys, so I do not wear skirts when attending school or sporting events in order to avoid exposing them to the cruel taunts from and possibly being ostracised by their peers.

Overall, I am happy to be the way I am – Androgynous – and would prefer that society was not so strongly fixated with binary gender and that there was room for a wider range of gender expression, especially for genetic males; however, I do not overly concern myself with the opinions of those who do not play a significant part in my life. I refer to these as “INsignificant Others” and as such their views and opinions are of no real consequence in my life.

gr8legz gr8legz
8 Responses May 7, 2012

You are not a freak in the universe. You have a right to be here.

Nice story. I can identify with this. I too am male, but have very strong desire to express my feminine side. I would like to make my appearance to be more androgynous, but I'm just not that cute.

What do you think of Putin's ban on androynes and gays at the winter Olympics
in 2014?

Putin is a despot who is addicted to power. That said, as a person with a reasonable understanding of basic psychology, I am very suspicious as to the motivation behind his anti-gay/trans stance.

We all have, as a part of our makeup and our psyche, a degree of both genders. In oriental philosophies it is the Yin and Yan, whereas Carl Jung described it as Amina & Animus.

Jung proposed that we each have aspects of the opposite gender as a part of our unconscious selves. He ascribed to these the terms Anima & Animus, with the anima being the unconscious female aspects of the male personality.

He argued that the anima and animus act as guides to the unconscious, unified Self, and that forming an awareness and a connection with the anima or animus is vital in achieving psychological growth; however, males - especially so in western societies - are discouraged from expressing their softer, feminine side (anima).

Jung further claimed that when people ignore their anima or animus complexes, the anima or animus vies for attention by projecting itself on others. For example, when a male tries to subdue his anima, he does so by projecting the negative aspects of his male self. Homophobia is a prime example of a person desperately trying to control those aspects of his self that he considers to be "feminine".

As I wrote above, I am VERY suspicious regarding their motivation whenever I see or hear about anyone who openly demonstrates homophobic or transphobic behaviour.


Thank you for sharing your story! You have inspired me! It's good to know others understand. ^_^

Such a great read, and a great story. GO YOU!

Hi, gr8legz. So good to read your story. With just a few changes, it reads like my own. I especially like what you wrote: "I have at the core of my being, a good balance of masculinity and femininity, a foot in both camps…..the best of both worlds." I don't cross dress, but I DO soften my appearance by trimming and plucking my eyebrows, wearing a little clear mascara to accent my lashes, shaving my legs, buffing my nails to a high gloss, and wearing shirts that lean more towards feminine colors and prints than masculine. I'm not into the "usual" guy stuff and as a result my wife (yes I'm married) considers me a "catch." <br />
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I'm new here and will post my whole story soon. Thank you so much for the inspiring words.

Hi BrazilianEyes<br />
<br />
It was when I completed the Bem Sex Role Inventory that I first discovered that I'm androgynous. <br />
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This was the first indication to me and made me review various aspects of my life, my feelings, my experiences and my personality. It was following a period of review and soul-searching that I concluded that the Bem SRI had been accurate in describing my psychological gender. I didn't just blindly accept the outcome, as I have had some experience with pschometric testing and am all-too-aware of the vagaries and possibility for inaccuracies in something which relies to a high degree on self-awareness and honesty with oneself that your responses are ba<x>sed upon the person you really are, rather than the person you would like to be. <br />
<br />
Here is a link to an online version of the BSRI:<br /> <br />
<br />
I'd be interested to hear how you fared on the test and whether it truly reflected the way you feel about yourself. <br />
<br />

Hi, I was just wondering how you found out that you are androgynous? I mean, did a doctor tell you or something if there has never been other signs? <br />
Thank you...