I'm Not Even Sure If I Believe In Him

I have a hard time even believing that there is a God. I've got another post on this site that lists my reasons for why I am not sure I believe in him. However, if he does exist I am pissed off at him. I've spent my entire life being a good person, and the way I am rewarded is by being given an ugly face. I get made fun of constantly for the way I look. People are rude to me. I've never been in a relationship. I will probably never have kids, though I don't think I want any but that doesn't matter. I will never ever be in a relationship and given that option to decide if I want them or not. I am a 26 year old virgin. Anytime I try to get into a relationship, or I fall for a guy it never works out for me. I get rejected and I get told I am too ugly. No one in real life knows how I feel about myself. Everyone sees me as a happy go lucky girl. I've even heard guys comment behind my back that it's too bad I am so ugly because I would make a great girlfriend. And that I find to be more on an insult than someone just calling me ugly. So you actually would date me if it weren't for my face?

And then I want to find people I can get advice from or to talk to about it. No one in real life can really help me, and I hate talking about it with people I know anyway. I very rarely bring it up. So I come online to a place like this, or online forums. And all I get are people calling me a liar about my experiences. People don't believe that I can possibly be unattractive. So I am completely alone. I can't talk to people in real life about it, and I can't talk about it online.

If God loved us so much, and if he existed then he wouldn't have such ugly people in existence. I thought the reason he supposedly created us was so we can procreate and boost the population more. Apparently not. If that were the case then I would be able to meet someone and be given the opportunity to decide if I want children or not. Society is cruel to people who aren't beautiful. I know I am not the only person who gets bothered because of their looks. There are even studies that prove it.

And I am even more angrier because there is a guy I have fallen for and I can never have him. And it sucks. I hate always falling for someone I can never have. And this one is proving harder to get over. I am so sick of feeling like **** every single day of my life. I am sick of being rejected by every single guy. I am sick of being made fun of. I am sick of people talking behind me back. I am sick of feeling lonely. If people apparently think I am such a great personality then why am I treated like ****? It's something I've heard so many times since I was 12 years old, but I am starting to believe having a good personality isn't enough. Not even for friendship because I have no friends at the moment. I did, but they were friends I'd had since I was a kid. We ended up growing apart in the last year. Some of them ended up moving away. Others drifted apart because all of our lives went in separate directions. One of them was a bad fight. So I tried joining groups and doing other things to meet new people, but people didn't like me. I had a group for a few months that I thought were friends of mine, and then I found out they were using me for my money and laughing behind my back. Every time I try to make new friends I always find them laughing behind my back about how ugly my face is. I was part of a running group, but I gave that up.

Why does it matter if I don't have a pretty face?
Ashley868 Ashley868
31-35, F
2 Responses Jan 6, 2013

Umm this might sound bad, but what if you try to date a guy that has an unattractive face. Maybe that will work.

Unattractive guys aren't attracted to me either. I've never gone for men out of my league. Actually, men that people would consider below average have called me ugly more than hot guys have. I had one overweight guy who used to harass me about five years ago about it.

There are just no men out there attracted to me.

Anyway, I'd never go for a hot guy. It would be stupid for me to ignore ugly guys when I think I am ugly. It wouldn't make sense.

I believe God love you.