Out of My Control.

*********************boy has my life changed since I wrote this story!!!!  I made up my mind to move to the other end of the country and start living the life I want for myself!! :-)  ...was tempted to delete it, but it serves as a good reminder of how far forward I've come!!

So much of my life has been dictated by circumstances and people and things that are just completely outside of my control....

From little things, to life changing events....

I resent it.

And I am angry.

And I want the life I want to live, without all the bullshit caused by others!


......I don't want to be this angry, but how can I not be, when I've been robbed of so much - I feel, on some level, that I've been robbed of my life.... and I'm petrified because I can't get it back..... my logical brain tells me to just keep moving onward and forward , living each future day to its full.... and although I do that, I still feel remorse over what's lost.  And when something, even small, happens outside of my control, it opens wounds further that I just can't seem to heal.

rockyj rockyj
31-35, F
6 Responses Mar 2, 2009

:-) Thanks...

one day I might...I'm not ready

Yeah, well, I'm not sure I'd stop if I started

I think I'd be likely to break down

You know, I've never screamed in my entire life....

Thanks. You're exactly right, I know.... :-)<br />
<br />
some days I just want to scream