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You Lazy Bum!

I just became acquainted with a man who is 42 years old and doesn't work because he says he "has performance anxiety", which makes it impossible for him to keep a job. He lives with his parents and relies on them to supply him with everything- his food, his therapy, his medications, and his clothing/toiletries. However, he loves photography and often goes out to offer his services as a photographer to total strangers and groups of people. He goes to the movies, goes out to eat, goes to malls, etc. Seems perfectly normal and not anxious at all to me.

He is very friendly (according to his words), and is excited to meet new people in hopes of having a girlfriend. I asked him if he is on medication for the anxiety and he claims he is but that it "doesn't do much" for him. So I suggested he change how he eats and perhaps get a walk every day. He claims that he has tried both of those methods and they "didn't do anything" for him. (Somehow I doubt that.) So then I asked him what he plans to do. He answered: "I hope to get disability benefits, then I can get my photography business off the ground and move out of my parents' house."

Now... here's my question: If he's not too "anxious" about walking up to total strangers and asking if they need a photographer, then PERFORMING THAT JOB FOR THEM, why can he not get a regular job like everyone else? Why is a 9-5 kind of job too taxing, but freelance photography (which is not exactly a gravy train job) is not? I smell a bunch of b.s., and a lot of laziness.

I am completely understanding about people with disabilities. I myself have generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, PTSD, and fibromyalgia. I myself have had to stop working- not because of my anxiety, though that did trouble me a great deal. I had to stop because of being in constant pain and suffering constant fatigue. And every day I hate it, I would LOVE to get a job again and be able to have some sort of life, feeling useful and productive!

So for someone who seems perfectly able to get out and work, but chooses not to? OH that just burns me up! I believe that you should help yourself and do all you can FIRST, before lying back and letting everyone else take care of you.
SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit 31-35, F 64 Responses Jun 26, 2013

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The problem is the government more than anything else, and this appears to be a classic example. As our country edges ever so slowly towards Socialism, the emphasis is placed on, "entitlement programs", rather than employment education.
>No nation can succeed who's people have been trained to wait at the mailbox for their meal tickets, rent subsidies, medical cards, and free utility subsidies. Sooner or later; and "later" is close at hand, the cookie jar is going to be empty, and we will be left with millions of worthless, non-productive citizen who have no idea where to get their next meal; who'll have no idea HOW to get their next meal, because they've wasted the entire lives, and working American's hard earned money waiting by the mailbox.

There's a cat fight going on in here get guys come look !!! Haha jk

I was kinda on board with this laziness thing although I wondered why it was necessary that you take this guy's inventory. Then I read the last paragraph about your limitations and that changes everything. You feel slighted that his lifestyle benefits him more than yours benefits you.
I think you should pump your brakes and stay in your lane. Good bad or indifferent this guy will get what's coming to him.

Damn and I felt that I was lazy when I didn't have a job to go along with school . I have money but extra would be nice

Who are you to say what he is and is not capable of? You do not know the demons he fights at night, the battles behind closed doors and in his mind. It's really not our business to try to assess situations like these. Some people aren't capable of work 5 days a week from 9-5. Some kids aren't capable of sitting in a classroom for seven hours a day. It isn't our job to condemn these people and call them lazy. It's our job to encourage and uplift them. It's our job to recognize that some people are fighting battles we know nothing about and a "diet change and a daily work" won't cure it. Delegitimizing another person's struggle and belittling them will not cure them, either. I understand your frustration and it totally acknowledge that some people make things up to take the easy way out and use other people in the name of laziness. But it's not your job to call these people out and decide if what they're struggling with is "real" or not. No hate.

Let him live his damn life you selfish jealous *****. L

I smell B.S. with that guy also. Just what this country needs - another person not working and on disability. Loser....

I believe you have a clear view of this person. I hate paying the way with my hard work (govt taxes) for bums, looses and a users of our archaic govt system. I have worked in a very physical job for 31years. I've always paid my way even in times I could have taken help. Help from govt, other peoples hard work is a last resort yet people like this focus their energy in how to NOT work. The only motivation he needs is his parents to kick his *** out, cut him off financially and then watch how fast he becomes capable as mealtime rolls around or it starts to rain!
If people stop enabling beggars at intersections then they would go get jobs!
Understand, I'm the first to give to organizations. I research and donate to my chosen beliefs.
When asked time and again at grocery stores if I want to give to bla bla bla I tell them very loud so all ca hear but not yelling,"I don't think this is right you begging for monies from customers. I make my own donations elsewhere. If you think it's a cause worthy of donating monies to then give them some of the profits you just made off of my purchases. Have a great day" ~ my 2 cents

Totally understand! I've come across so many persons that blame the world for their probs and are waiting for the right time to live their lives... never realizing that "what is is more important than what should be," in the words of Bruce Lee.. these ppl strike me as they are their own problems..

Sounds like that guy never grew up, & is probably someone who will never be happy b/c he cannot seem to get his head out of the clouds long enough to realize that the only way the world will give him his break is if he goes out & gets it himself.. no entitlement in the real world..

so much else to say, but I'll just say this: cheers to you for recognizing the situation for what it is, suggesting help, but never believing he is someone to save...b/c the only thing you can save him from is himself... so good job...btw awesome name- I love rabbits & have a pet bunny.. a fat chunky one that nibbles on anything it sees... but he's so freegin cute I just can't get mad at him.. although my boyfriend gets annoyed but he can get over it!... so keep on trekkin chica :)

I love bunnies!!! Mine is fat and chunky too but he poops more than he nibbles!

There needs to be a form filled out by a phyciatrist. Your boyfriend could work at a desk job.

He is not my boyfriend. Why is everyone assuming that?

It's about time people speak out about these bums that are NOT disabled! Don't get me wrong, if you truly have a disability then there is nothing wrong with getting the help you need. But it's people like him that cause it to be so difficult for others who are really disabled to get benefits! My fiancé has a severe problem with his leg, it started over a year ago, he has tried going to doctors, seeing a chiropractor, taking medication...nothing is helping him with the pain. The problem is that he had to stop working because his pain was so unbearable. The people from the social security administration completely dismiss him. He has already had to file an appeal. It sucks because we can't live off my income alone, we are on the verge on losing everything...we can't afford to take him to doctor after doctor to prove how bad it is. He wants the disability to get health insurance, to get his leg FIXED. So then he can get back to work..but no..they treat him like he's not really disabled because lack of medical proof. It's bums like this guy that make it so difficult! They fake these mental illnesses, and get a free ride. I know all too well about anxiety, I have angora phobia, PTSD, disassociation, severe anxiety...this guy is a complete fake! Not to mention if he had anxiety this severe, he would NOT be so willing to go out and do these things, talking to strangers..it's all just B.S....sorry, but this story just struck a nerve...but I agree with you Spirit. He IS a bum!!

A case manager helped me. She found a lawyer to help me get social security. I went 2 times on my own. The first time i was denied because i have a good memory. The guy said people who get this do not have a good memory. I got socoal security about 6 months to a year later.

I am so sorry to learn about your fiance's leg and the problems that this is causing for you both. I am sure that it must be very frustrating to not be able to find the cause of the problem so that his leg can recover and he can work again. Hope that things improve for you both soon.

angora phobia LMAO

He should get a job with his local city public works union and pick litter from the street for $18 an hour. Then he will have zero-stress financial stability while working on his photography business in the evenings.

This is very simple. It is not about him. It is about you. You seem not to trust him. You do not like his way of living. Then it is YOUR choice that you are staying with him. Stop making your life miserable and move on.

About him now, I know what it feels to have issues. Unfortunately, people who are not going through these health related problems can not empathize. Just because he meets strangers for photography doesn't mean that is his trigger for anxiety. Triggers for anxiety can be different for everyone. For one it can be talking to strangers and for others it may actually be relaxing.

Sorry to be direct and harsh but I do not think you are the perfect woman for him. When he will need you, you may not be there for him because you obviously can not handle his issues at the moment. So do yourself a favor and seek someone who you like better. Not because he is full of BS, but because you are not on the level that he needs you to be.

Good luck on whatever choice you decide to take.

Hmm. The woman who originally posted did not say that she wanted to be with this man. She was pointing out that he was getting his financial needs met without expending any energy of his own. She is actually very wise to consider his actions rather than his words because he also wanted to date her and she refused; wise choice I think. She has avoided a problem before it began. Good idea for anyone who is invited out by someone with his credentials. Unfortunately, all the people who would be on his level at this stage in his life would have to take on a parenting role as one would do with one's own dependent children; good thinking? NO! Better to choose an adult who can be in the world as a mature adult and support himself.

Let him set up his business and see if he makes a go of it. If he puts his back into etc, he may be worth knowing. If not, to quote Dionne Warwick, " Walk on by..."

Hmmm.. may be it is not as straight forward as you think. We , who are disabled, of all people should be more understanding of this sort of life. He is doing his best, given his limitations. So, why are you angry? Is it because if you get into some sort of relationship with him.. that this fellow will make you pull much of the weight which will lead to frustration and ultimately lead to a break up. This happens a lot, believe me.. it is a deal breaker.. as they say one of the biggest factors in relationship breakups is finances. This fellow is disabled and he has a history of being unable to maintain full time employment.. but he does something.. so why not give him credit for that. After all, you yourself do the same thing. So.. why all the anger... are you more angry at yourself as he is putting up a mirror to yourself?

If you are frustrated with feeling ineffectual in life. Don't start projecting your own feelings and insecurities onto him, this is not fair. Life is as it is , is never fair. so don't add insult to injury.

I have a friend who has schizophrenia and there were many attempts at relationships before he finally met his wife. Those others before him , were just like you.. they could not accept him as he was, they wanted him to change to their version of success. Today, he is married, owns his own condo, has foster children.. which he and his wife get money from the government as a job. Although, both, he and she are disabled and are on government support .. they don't throw a pity party.. they actually do something with their lives and help unfortunate kids and earn some money to supplement their base income. They may be disabled but they contribute in their own small way to society by taking on responsibilities that few others are willing to take on. It all depends on your outlook, if your attitude is to get and get.. he is just another way to get and feel normal in the world and he can't do it.. don't get angry at him. Look at yourself first. Ask yourself what are your motives... do I want to serve or be served? You see my friends are successful because they accept each other with all their limitations and they have learned to love and be giving. That is how to live and be successful. Anger indicates a problem.. but you cannot bully and cajole another person into change if you yourself , are not willing to be the change, part of the solution and not part of the problem.

So.. I hope this advice , does not come across as something judgemental, because it is not meant to,
Rather, I wish to help you see that it is all in how we perceive things.. correctly that makes all the difference.. if everything is seen in a negative light.. well, you will get a self fulfilling prophecy.. because you lack faith in your fellow human beings.. this is not a good way to be... learn to trust and build something together... be small and humble.. that is the best way to start..

which comes from being around friends, all in their 50s, like myself, who have made something of their lives in spite of themselves and their environment.

I acknowledge that those of us who live as disabled individuals live lives of frustration, and powerlessness.. but it does not have to be this way..

It all starts with believing in one another, accepting one another, and then working to build on top of that... You might be surprised as to what you can do.

Good Luck in your Endeavours

I believe that if you can go out among crowds and perform any job (such as photography), you are well enough to perform other not-so-manual labor jobs. The fact that this man is apparently well enough to do everything except work, speaks volumes about his humility and work ethic, and quite frankly, I cannot respect that. It saddens (but doesn't surprise) me to see so many people here defending this sort of laziness.

yes, if a person is able to work somewhat do it... why not.. but I am not defending being lazy.. sloth is not a virtue. Okay, I have never met this person. I will concede that some are lazy.. but must we be so dismissive.. good thing you are not his caseworker. Also... is it a fact? or merely your opinion ? .. has he been assessed by an expert to see if he can indeed work meaningfully in a sustainable manner.. then we may concede that he is being lazy and needs to rectify the situation. If what you say is because he offended you personally somehow then you are being unfair. But other than that I will give you , too, the benefit of the doubt. just to be even-handed and fair. Not that i am anyone's judge.. I mean posting stuff like this begs for people to post their opinion's.. Not that I have any personal stake in this.. Just putting in my two cents worth.

have a nice day.. no hate.

Who's your publisher ?

You sound very judgmental. Why not mind your own business. Focus on your own life and stop being judgmental of others. Nobody knows what another goes through. You only see the picture from the outside, you can't possibly know what he suffers from the inside.

Here we go, another White Knight.

I notice you have a story about hating nobody because you are a Christian. You might want to consider becoming a "white knight," yourself, or more commonly known as compassion and understanding.

Even God teaches us to help ourselves.

He is helping himself; he's working as a photographer. What are you doing to help yourself? It sounds like you're just collecting welfare.

So now you're judging *me*. lol See how that works? You guys don't know this man as I do- trust me, he is working the system. I am not.

....Lest ye be judged

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we all gotta work... for one... this guy obviously has it easy and this woman, SpiritOfTheRabbit is obviously a bit itchy about this guy because of how he gets off so easy. she's been working for a long time, and as she said she's been struggling with it and (i'm proud of you for still looking for alternative ways to get money by not taking supply from the gov.) so she's a bit pissed off that this guy is like this.

the anxiety thing i feel ya, because when i see people claim they have anxiety yet they do all these things it honestly really does annoy me because for one, it puts a bad reputation on the word anxiety and secondly they don't have it yet they flaunt it.

I think maybe you should just meet up with this guy as if you were just wanting to meet somebody. it doesn't mean you have to go further on into it, and it doesn't mean it has to be a date or relationship ordeal. perhaps just go out for coffee at a cafe so then you can really judge your instincts upon him when you leave.

humans are like that, unfortunately; we like to notice differences between one another so we can stand our grounds and use instinct to tell if we don't like them or not .... there's so many reasons ...

good luck on your decision!

You should dump him.

I'm not dating him, don't intend to.

Thats good.

'Like' attracts 'like'....I have often seen that others see undesirable traits in others and don't realize that they are the same way. I've seen alcoholics put down other alcoholics or druggies....gamblers who put down other gamblers when the only difference may be the type of gambling. I think this is the same situation. Are they really so different, other than the fact that one has family 'enablers'?

I have severe rheumatoid arthritis, epilepsy, profound hearing loss (Have a cochlear implant that doesn't work)...yet I always worked...overtime, too...even though my RA doctor once told me that I would never be able to work more than 25 hours a week...(I surprised him, though, (changing my field of work did the trick), and he always asked how it was going and told me how proud he was of me). I am now retired and babysitting my grandchildren and taking care of my elderly mother with dementia. You can do whatever you set your mind to. Their is a job for everyone who has the desire to work...phone work, filing work are a few examples. I don't understand why that guy doesn't just get a license and be a professional photographer...or teach classes...but...to each his own.

This is true. We are all mirrors for each other. The trouble though with the guy this woman is talking about is that he appears to be a user and is not doing a whole lot to take responsibility for his own survival and living expenses. The kind of people who enable such people to live their lifestyle usually have co-dependent characteristics and need healing in order to stop enabling these people. The ability to recognise certain behavioural characteristics can also mean that you are aware of them. If, however, you are judgemental or you get a strong emotional charge when you are around that person, it is quite likely that you have some issues that could need to be healed. If you simply notice the behaviours and are able to set strong boundaries so you don't get used by that person, then that is a healthy way to be. Narcissists, alcoholics and other chemical dependents find it easy to work their way into the life of a co-dependent person due to their lack of strong boundaries. Narcissists and chemically dependent people are notorious for crashing through people's boundaries no matter how strong, but if you do have strong boundaries it is possible to keep a safe distance from those energy vampires.

Move on. I agree that he seems to lack real ambition. People that get aggravated by your assesment are probably the same way. So you've determined that at 42 years of age he is still free loading off his parents and is not as independant and "together" as you would like a man his age to be. Move on. Find someone that is more to your liking. You obviously know what you don't find attractive or admirable in a man. Find someone that has his life together. Has ambition. Has a steady job and is able to stand on his own two feet. Approach potential friends in this way. Do I admire, respect, like you. Are you someone that will help me to be a better person? Do you have qualities that I can aspire to? If the answer is no, then move on. Surround yourself with people you hold in high regard.

People are as they are, they do what they do, live their life as they see fit, I honestly don't see the reason why people get bothered how other people live their lives, in my opinion that is very pathetic, isn't your life enough to concentrate on ? if your life isn't going as you want it, take a hint.

I must have hit a nerve with you. lol

Hmmmmmmmmm let me see. So AcidSpoof, it's perfectly ok that I get to pay 52% + of my retirement income in tax, so that these slack a55holes can stay home and be parasites. I was the first to comment on this story (go and read it) and I don't believe the stress of working and supporting ones self (or their family) is in any way "incapacitating" by any stretch of anyone's imagination. I am 60 years old, without once putting my hand out, for ANYTHING. I started this life with nothing, leaving home with the clothes on my back at 14, everything I have I EARNED, one way, or another.

Well everything we are doing now, everything we have done, everything we hope to achieve, all the fear we feel about what might happen to us financially, fear of what other people think of you , family, your hopes and dreams..................in my opinion its all rather pointless..................death is the one destiny we all share and after we are dead everything we have done,feared,loved wont really matter, I don't want to sound like some recycled self help book but I honestly think if you leave people BE and stop getting pissed because they chose to be parasites and not pay many taxes as you, like some one is "cheating" at life ,your life will be much better because it makes you feel bliss and only concentrate on what matters most to YOU , like I said...........it is as it is.

Everything I wrote above is my opinion which means agreeing/disagreeing with it is irrelevant and it doesn't really matter either, fear drives everything people do, eliminate it and you'll be much happier.

Oh and everyone who has posted on here thinks their opinion is right, human beings think its ALL ABOUT THEM and I'm not talking about the human race as a whole, I'm talking about "you" the individual, we think everything that people do,happens is all about us,selfish is what we are, that is the condition of the human race.

Not really, I'm 21 and your opinion of someone else's life reminds me of when I was 16. just saying.

Well, I agree that a lot of people are governed by fear and yes, once we die, all we have earned or gained on Earth will count for nothing. I agree that people should be free to live their lives in their own way. However, I also think that people have the capacity to learn if they are ready or want something different in their lives. Prior to death, we still have to live each day, preferably peacefully and joyfully. This woman posted her story about the man she met and it gained many responses. The man may want to continue to live his life as a parasite and there are obviously people who enable him. Many people have co-dependency issues and these hurt the co-dependents as much as the energy vampires and human leeches of this world. I think it is a good thing to share information that can help shine a light on how to heal co-dependency because it is extremely destructive to all concerned and does not help the ones who are being enabled.

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I would say think about your life and try to do what you can do. Even if you knew this guys total situation and he is a fake, it would only make you wonder why you were not getting what he's getting.

I think you are spot on with your writing :)

Sounds like mommy and daddy do his work for him.

Better mommy and daddy pays than the tax payers.

The thing he might have is performance anxiety against competitiveness (he might have problems in the bedroom too) hahaha freelance is the only way to go for that poor guy. Honestly I don't think he is lazy since he performs free job for strangers, what a nut! hahaha he should at least charge them.

judge not lest ye be judged. he who is [entirely] without sin, cast the first stone.

I've sinned plenty but I am a hard worker when able.

Sounds like he just not the type to work for no one else only his self, anyway at the age 42 years old he been bullshitting his life ok a man has to think about his future if he wants a wife and kids all those things cost money these days move along and just date him until he makes some kind improvement for you, he cant help you with nothing and you know what they say when man cant do nothing for a woman and you say he a photographer oh please no way be aware on that life style to cause you sure don't want him snapping pictures of naked women , I had girlfriend once married a photographer and he was a freak taking pictures of women at the ***** club and had no time for his wife am not saying it be like that on your end am saying just be careful you come 1st. He has to do what makes you happy every woman deserves a smile, and realize how much stress it could cost you to take care of his tail lol!!!! A man that has something to offer you pretty much is taking more responsibilities in his own life

Amen. I think a lot of people are able to get diagnosed with bullshit problems that gives them an out for having to work. And I loathe them.

@Spirit of the rabbit, this lazy, user guy sounds similar to my ex boyfriend only my ex was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Beware of guys who are lazy users, they usually can end up manipulating women to some point to get what they want out of you. Even if they are annoying and we see right through them, they can still work their mojo somehow, sometimes. My recommendation would be to unacquaint yourself from this guy.....just speaking from experience. Nothing good ever comes from knowing people like this.

Yes.. unfortunately, even if he or she is on some sort of government assistance, and you are not in an intimate relationship with said person.. they can drain you because they are so needy .. narcisstic.. and they push and push.. so you have to set limits .. otherwise your life is not your own.. you end up being a support system to them. Unless you don't mind doing that. It is for their own good.. that perhaps, they get into a institutional type setting.. where friendship and support services are not mixed together.. then you won't feel used. What I mean is that if you worked as a support worker, and got paid for it that is one thing... if you are friends.. and you contribute to support beware that it does not become an all encompassing thing where you become that person's personal servant.. it can happen.. and then it is hard to be friends.. because they expect so much from you.