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If Others Are Disposable, So Are You

Entitlement is an ugly concept. It suggests that one is more deserving than another, for no other reason than circumstance.

Circumstances change. Lots of things change.

But basic value and worth don't. We all are ONE. We each are equally whole, just constitutionally different in our makeup and the way we're woven.

People who feel entitled have been taught poorly or not at all, about the things that matter.

People with entitlement complexes generally see the world like this: I NEED TO GET AND KEEP MINE.

My husband used to dream about traveling the world with his mother and being served - or God forbid, NOT being served promptly or exquisitely and completely. He dreamt of literally walking on top of people waiting outside a building so that he could be first to the top step and get what he needed inside. And he dreamt often about nervously awaiting his share as he sat at a round table surrounded by others wanting as much or more of the pot of money in the center.

Not surprisingly, my mother-in-law is a haughty woman who has never worked a day in her life. She has lived off of her long-deceased husband's hard-earned money; counting it out at her desk faced by a painting of a miserly old bearded man counting his coins. Her life consists of going places and memorizing names to drop when lesser beings visit her penthouse. Between her negative nature, malignant narcissism and giant chip on her shoulder from lacking a college degree - things no one would DARE say about her - she has been one heap of joy and lightness.

While hoarding "her" money and holding her children hostage emotionally for decades, her gift to them has been a nice big Entitlement complex. She has;also so generously shared her paranoia and anxiety around the world's intentions and grabby fingers around every corner.

"You have to learn math so no one will cheat you!" she rails at her grandson, shaking her finger in his face.

Pleasant. And so instructive!

My stbx covers the other part of the beautiful message: Just leave all your food and wrappers under the table or on the airport floor - it's someone's job to clean up after you. And sure, eat every one of the chocolate covered strawberries hand-dipped specially for guests, you are so cute with the mess on your contorting vampire face.

We learn from words, actions, gestures, judgments and expectations.

And actions always speak louder than words.

"Your stepbrothers with special needs are doing the best they can," followed by laughing when his kid kicks one in the rear, ignoring his kids' mean words and loud and proud exclusion of mine, allowing his to run with their plates into their room or not come into the house when mine were there - which was very infrequently - and doing nothing when his broke through the bathroom screen to yell and jeer disgustingly while I changed my children.

But what do you expect from people whose boundaries were never respected and who, in turn, failed to create any for their offspring in retribution to the unfair world?

When you are taught to TAKE TAKE TAKE and protect yourself and your resources FOR DEAR LIFE,

this is how you identify yourself; your value is what you GOT by circumstances and this makes you SPECIAL and
BETTER THAN.

And since that's all you are, life is FEAR.
Life is getting what you can and holding onto it.
Life is trading purity for a messy pocket of coinage.
Love is sacrificed for that from which financial security and status are grown.
The soul is murdered young and replaced wtih a robotic image pretending it is Grand and that it loves itself.
But it can't love itself or anyone else. It sees others as a means to an end -
disposable, expendable
but the real death of spirit occurs when it recognizes it, too, is just another...

Occasionally, one of the entitled has an epiphany of sorts and sees that we are ONE. And from there - looks to spread opportunity and equal rights rather than fight for their OWN.
girlcapitol girlcapitol 51-55, F 10 Responses Feb 10, 2011

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Thank you my friend..I appreciate your words..kind of you..........:)

Yes, you are right, Gr8. I still vacillate between acceptance ~ with good will sprinkled on top, and <br />
a frustrating incredulity; swimming in disappointment and regret, resentment and excruciating pain. Too bad it take so long to shake it all down, but I know the things that will help with that are the BEST things in life, and they are COMING: peace, clarity, passion, true love, forgiveness, perspective, gratitude, final release. <br />
<br />
Hope all is well with you. Peace and Hugs.

cool...I don't think it's a reach in the writing, just in the mind trying to understand LOL, beautiful....:)

Madame Bernie, mewold, and Marji ~ thank you so much for your kind words of understanding. <br />
<br />
This is just one of the major issues leading to the end of my marriage. I had some knowledge of all of the dealbreakers that finally tipped the scale to dragging, but honestly thought things could change and that I was there because my values and influence were appreciated. Hah, far from the truth.<br />
<br />
I was totally ignored in all matters dear to my heart and in which I had extensive education and experience. <br />
<br />
Everything good fell away in very short time; replaced by turmoil and neglect, outrageous lack of boundaries with kids and ex, and total allegiance to this rabid/jealous/tantrumming "mother" figure.<br />
<br />
In the end I was completely betrayed and ******** of all that was me, and expected to sell every possession and give up being able to return to my home state to see my own children. "Lacking courage" is an understatement to describe someone who would stoop to this level to exercise his control. Lack of EQ is just as fitting an explanation as this Ivy League man is not very intelligent at all.<br />
<br />
To this day my husband blames me for "having one foot in another state" (oh, sorry my NICE children live there!) and not just ignoring the constant chaos in the house and attacks by his ex and his mother. I used to be mad at them but it's all about his refusal to be an adult and draw a circle around US as partners. He loves the drama of "his women" fighting because he has nothing else. No one else. And he is a needy child. I could go on for hours but won't.<br />
<br />
I believe I was meant to meet him, there were so many strange coincidences and things I'd dreamed, in premonition? His older son is brilliant but highly disturbed, and I told him in no uncertain terms to never be afraid of anyone. Maybe that was what I was meant for. Maybe someday I'll understand. In the meantime, I know now my weaknesses and the importance of TRUSTING YOUR GUT no matter how much you want something to be good and real and lasting. The suffering later is always worse if you put it off and unrealistically hope for major change.<br />
<br />
I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comments. I got home from work, tired and a bit overwhelmed, and you immediately brightened up my evening in the most wonderful way!! Hugs to you, Friends. :)<br />
<br />
Rebecca

What Marji said...

This is a great story, well written, that elaborates so well the curse of, as my brother put it, "I got mine. **** you."

Wonderful piece. So true. What makes one person more deserving than another? We all are equal.

It truly is a shocking shame what people do to each other ~ especially a "MOTHER" to her CHILDREN, a "PARTNER" to their SIGNIFICANT OTHER. And the devastating irony (this is where you laugh and cry at the same time) is that these people often are repeating the same damn thing that they HATED and FEARED being done to THEM. As if it will undo their pain, or they will be cured if they pretend to be ignorant of their past,, AS IF AS IF AS IF there is ANY WAY IN HELL this is not going to fester and poison everything within a limitless radius of them TILL THEY DIE.<br />
<br />
SO's have a better chance at getting help and getting away and starting a new life once they recognize their tendencies and patterns in behavior and intimate relationships.<br />
<br />
When it's a parent or other close role model, it is an unfortunate fact that the lifelong emotional abuse (and often emotional ******) will take its toll in many bizarre ways. The need for approval from the monster, or resources (much worse when money is their blood) , will manifest in totally unexpected and inexplicable displays of various personalities - words and actions you'd never seen before or heard before from this person. And on it goes,<br />
<br />
and don't even get me started on the children and others... extremely disturbing.<br />
<br />
Again, appreciate your input, Zultfrog.

Thank you so much, Kebab. I really appreciate that. Sometimes it is hard to share this stuff, so personal. But it's also good to get it out and sort things out because it's too easy to remember the good 2% and forget the very difficult and suffocating 98%. I know that sounds ridiculous but it has been a wild ride the past four years, and I tend to look at how people become a certain way and forgive things that for others are unforgiveable; especially when the hurts were many and frequent and then one so deep you have to go - for good.<br />
<br />
My husband and I are alike in many ways, I have moved past the same things he is currently fighting, but our values are flip-flopped. We see the world through completely different glasses. His "views" were his wishes for his outlook, but far from his truth inside. Painful lessons, indeed!<br />
<br />
Hope you're doing well. Write and tell me about your projects this week! :) xxoo

I am utterly grateful you wrote this.<br />
hopefully some random reader will be encouraged to examine their own actions around this and be inspired to make some changes( if needed) or to pass on this timely,timeless,very human message.<br />
<br />
I'm also slightly pitying your stbx-from what I've been hearing he will not be cracking through his shell of fear and expectation anytime soon.His loss. thanks for venting,I applaud your bravery.