Hate This

So I think I'm finally starting to get better... Well, from the bulimic side at least. See, I HAVE to stop cos my mum is on me like a hawk, literally, and at first I tried to fight it. But the games over. I can't keep sneaking away and trying to be as subtle as possible because she still knows and she still catches me out. I've put on so so so much weight its killing me and I hate it because I'm not in control of how much I consume any more. I feel the food in me, uncomfotable and heavy and I think how easy it would be to "go to the loo" and purge. But then I think about all the previous times I haven't, and how the feeling will pass. Right now, its not passing. I feel full and heavy and sick and all I can think or feel is that. Its taking over me and I wish Id never started noticing those few flabbery parts in the mirror. I wish I'd never started any of this! Lord I hate this...
Bleue Bleue
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 7, 2010

Hi Bleue, I hope those thoughts pass quickly for you too. Our bodies are like cars and if we dont put fuel in it will eventually give up. You sound like such a lovely person to be treating your body like that. Give your body the fuel it needs to live life to the full. Remember you can be anything you want to be. Your mam loves you so much and all she wants is for her baby to eat and be healthy, she doesn't want to see you sick. Keep up with the eating each day and anytime those thoughts come into your head give your mam a hug until they go. :)