You're Probably Anorexic If...
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You're probably anorexic if...
You've memorized the calorie content of virtually everything. Including non-food items (like stamps).
You open the fridge about 100 times a day. It's always empty. You prefer it that way.
You don't even remember what having a period is like.
You eat multivitamins for nutrition (in place of food).
Planning what you'll eat in a day takes longer then knitting a pair of socks.
You friends, family and coworkers all think your vegan, vegetarian, celiac, or lactose-intolerant. Its only a white lie. After all, you needed to explain away your eating habits somehow...!
You have spent more money on diet pills/cocaine then you've spent on your university tuition.
You drink a three litres of water in a day. Its normal.
You take out your earrings when you weigh yourself--because it needs to be accurate.
You rip the magazine pages of all the "fat" celebrities and keep them in a scrapbook. You flip through the scrap book frequently to remind yourself of why you don't indulge in food. You also try to find similarities between them and you. When the similarities don't exist you keep looking until you've convinced that you do look alike. You then punish yourself with starvation and exercise.
You can sit through horror movies without even flinching... Its grocery stores and dinner parties that scare the pants off you.
You know all the best sugar free energy drinks. Rockstar Recovery; 20 calories, 473mL. *It also has vitamins* Need I say more?
You'd rather eat alone. More accurately, you'd rather move food around your plate--not eating it, in peace.
You sabotage your own culinary creations to make them inedible.
You have a food diary and its PRIVATE.
You genuinely believe that your hunger pains are actually pains from eating a bite of an apple the night before, so you decide to not eat for the rest of the day. After all, you're no sadist, and you don't want to be in pain.
You own multiple scales. You line them up beside each other and weigh yourself on all of them at multiple intervals throughout the day.
Your clothes are all too big. You've convinced yourself that your clothes being too big for you now proves that you were fat before (reinforcing the idea that your friends and family lie to you about your being 'too thin').
You've shopped at Gap Kids because they are the only store that has clothing that is small enough to fit you--only you don't see it as small. You think you're abnormally shaped, so you ramp up the exercise.
You see pictures of emaciated people and you get jealous. People show you these pictures to scare you. Little do they know, you think those images are beautiful.
You buy laxatives instead of tampons.
You've chewed food and spat it out because the thought of swallowing that many calories made you loose your appetite. Then you wonder how many calories you'd consumed just by putting the food in your mouth and you frantically begin to "work it off" so that you don't get fat.
You avoid family and friends. They always tell you that you're too thin. You're sick of hearing them "lie" to you.
Your boyfriend has eaten a peanut butter sandwich and you don't want him to kiss you... Peanut butter has waaaay too many calories and you'd be scared that that him kissing you would make you absorb some.
Your butt hurts from sitting down. You tell yourself its because you're fat... Really its because you've lost all your padding and your bones are digging into the floor.
You see fat free, sugar free Jello as a decent substitute for a birthday cake. You don't understand why your family and friends think its weird.
You consider Ana your best friend. Eventually she becomes more important then anything else in your life--including your family.
You won't eat anything that isn't fat free, diet, or a vegetable.
Your mood is dependent on how many calories you've consumed.
You've fainted multiple times in one day.
You can remember how many calories you ate last Thursday, but you can never seem to remember where you placed your keys.
You've woken up in the dead of night and felt compelled to go weigh yourself. After ten minutes of self-talk you finally give in to your neurosis and get out of bed to go weigh yourself. If your weight is lower then it was before you went to bed, you can fall back asleep. If your weight has increased--you start exercising (even if it is three in the morning).
A trip to the grocery store causes more anxiety then nearly getting into a car-crash.
Your know what your BMI is. You run the numbers again every week to see if your making "progress".
When you walk into a room and people are staring you wonder if they are all thinking that you've really "let yourself go". After all, you did gain half a pound last week...
You won't eat muffins, strudels, pop tarts or cinnamon buns. Ever.
You've convinced yourself that plain oatmeal is not only delicious, but a treat.
You limit hanging out with friends and prefer staying in touch through text messages and emails. If you don't hang out in person then you won't have to go to some cutesy restaurant and share an appetizer with them (which has god-only-knows how many calories)!
You define your self worth by the number on your scale.
You tell people you're environmentally conscious, which is why you walk everywhere, but really it's because you'd rather burn calories walking then get fat driving around in your car.
You'll walk to work, instead of taking your perfectly running car, even if its raining buckets.
You feel sick when you watch other people eat and secretly you're a little bit afraid that you'll somehow absorb the calories from what they are eating from just witnessing the "binge fest".
When you have nightmares they are generally about eating a food which is high in calories.
You want to get liposuction. Bad.
You're scared your dreams of being a ballerina won't come true, because you're too fat.
You quit dancing, because the stage adds ten pounds, and you can't bear the thought that people will see you looking that huge.
You go camping in the woods with your survivalist friends. They tell you to bring only the essentials and you bring your favorite scale.
You actually like doing household chores and yard work because you can burn calories and stay "under the radar".
You spend a lot of time in the bathroom standing in front of the mirror; pinching your fat on "bad" days, admiring your bones on "good" days.
If you can relate to these statements (which are not jokes); you probably have anorexia.
What anorexia is:
A serious psychological illness. An eating disorder. Something that will cause death if left untreated. Merciless. Extremely Difficult to overcome. Hard to understand. Dangerous.
What anorexia isn't:
An extreme diet. A lifestyle. Something sexy. Fashionable. A joke. No big deal. An elitist club for beautiful and successful people. A fad. A choice. Something fun. Safe. Easy to deal with.
To those that read this story,
I hope this brings you clarity. I hope you don't relate to it, although, I expect many of you will. I hope you are gentle on yourselves and on others. I hope you've learned something from reading this. I wonder if you've noticed how powerful anorexia can be. I wonder if you've ever stopped to think of all of the incredible ways that this illness works to deceive you. I wonder what the future holds for you. I want you to take notice of this address. I want you to read it again and again until you see a pattern begin to emerge. This address is filled of hope and wonder. It was composed with love, thought, and dedication. Anorexia doesn't have to be a solitary battle, and you don't have to suffer in silence. If you only remember one thing from this story, please then let it be Plato's words, be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.