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You're Probably Anorexic If...

 

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You're probably anorexic if...

You've memorized the calorie content of virtually everything. Including non-food items (like stamps). 

You open the fridge about 100 times a day. It's always empty. You prefer it that way.

You don't even remember what having a period is like.

You eat multivitamins for nutrition (in place of food).

Planning what you'll eat in a day takes longer then knitting a pair of socks.

You friends, family and coworkers all think your vegan, vegetarian, celiac, or lactose-intolerant. Its only a white lie. After all, you needed to explain away your eating habits somehow...!

You have spent more money on diet pills/cocaine then you've spent on your university tuition. 

You drink a three litres of water in a day. Its normal. 

You take out your earrings when you weigh yourself--because it needs to be accurate. 

You rip the magazine pages of all the "fat" celebrities and keep them in a scrapbook. You flip through the scrap book frequently to remind yourself of why you don't indulge in food. You also try to find similarities between them and you. When the similarities don't exist you keep looking until you've convinced that you do look alike. You then punish yourself with starvation and exercise.

You can sit through horror movies without even flinching... Its grocery stores and dinner parties that scare the pants off you. 

You know all the best sugar free energy drinks. Rockstar Recovery; 20 calories, 473mL. *It also has vitamins* Need I say more?

You'd rather eat alone. More accurately, you'd rather move food around your plate--not eating it, in peace.

You sabotage your own culinary creations to make them inedible. 

You have a food diary and its PRIVATE. 

You genuinely believe that your hunger pains are actually pains from eating a bite of an apple the night before, so you decide to not eat for the rest of the day. After all,  you're no sadist, and you don't want to be in pain.

You own multiple scales. You line them up beside each other and weigh yourself on all of them at multiple intervals throughout the day.

Your clothes are all too big. You've convinced yourself that your clothes being too big for you now proves that you were fat before (reinforcing the idea that your friends and family lie to you about your being 'too thin').  

You've shopped at Gap Kids because they are the only store that has clothing that is small enough to fit you--only you don't see it as small. You think you're abnormally shaped, so you ramp up the exercise. 

You see pictures of emaciated people and you get jealous. People show you these pictures to scare you. Little do they know, you think those images are beautiful. 

You buy laxatives instead of tampons.

You've chewed food and spat it out because the thought of swallowing that many calories made you loose your appetite. Then you wonder how many calories you'd consumed just by putting the food in your mouth and you frantically begin to "work it off" so that you don't get fat.

You avoid family and friends. They always tell you that you're too thin. You're sick of hearing them "lie" to you.

Your boyfriend has eaten a peanut butter sandwich and you don't want him to kiss you... Peanut butter has waaaay too many calories and you'd be scared that that him kissing you would make you absorb some.  

Your butt hurts from sitting down. You tell yourself its because you're fat... Really its because you've lost all your padding and your bones are digging into the floor. 

You see fat free, sugar free Jello as a decent substitute for a birthday cake. You don't understand why your family and friends think its weird.

You consider Ana your best friend. Eventually she becomes more important then anything else in your life--including your family.

You won't eat anything that isn't fat free, diet, or a vegetable. 

Your mood is dependent on how many calories you've consumed.

You've fainted multiple times in one day.

You can remember how many calories you ate last Thursday, but you can never seem to remember where you placed your keys.

You've woken up in the dead of night and felt compelled to go weigh yourself. After ten minutes of self-talk you finally give in to your neurosis and get out of bed to go weigh yourself. If your weight is lower then it was before you went to bed, you can fall back asleep. If your weight has increased--you start exercising (even if it is three in the morning).

A trip to the grocery store causes more anxiety then nearly getting into a car-crash. 

Your know what your BMI is. You run the numbers again every week to see if your making "progress".

When you walk into a room and people are staring you wonder if they are all thinking that you've really "let yourself go". After all, you did gain half a pound last week...

You won't eat muffins, strudels, pop tarts or cinnamon buns. Ever. 

You've convinced yourself that plain oatmeal is not only delicious, but a treat.

You limit hanging out with friends and prefer staying in touch through text messages and emails. If you don't hang out in person then you won't have to go to some cutesy restaurant and share an appetizer with them (which has god-only-knows how many calories)!

You define your self worth by the number on your scale. 

You tell people you're environmentally conscious, which is why you walk everywhere, but really it's because you'd rather burn calories walking then get fat driving around in your car. 

You'll walk to work, instead of taking your perfectly running car, even if its raining buckets. 

You feel sick when you watch other people eat and secretly you're a little bit afraid that you'll somehow absorb the calories from what they are eating from just witnessing the "binge fest". 

When you have nightmares they are generally about eating a food which is high in calories. 

You want to get liposuction. Bad.

You're scared your dreams of being a ballerina won't come true, because you're too fat.

You quit dancing, because the stage adds ten pounds, and you can't bear the thought that people will see you looking that huge.

You go camping in the woods with your survivalist friends. They tell you to bring only the essentials and you bring your favorite scale.

You actually like doing household chores and yard work because you can burn calories and stay "under the radar".

You spend a lot of time in the bathroom standing in front of the mirror; pinching your fat on "bad" days, admiring your bones on "good" days.

If you can relate to these statements (which are not jokes); you probably have anorexia.
 

What anorexia is:
A serious psychological illness. An eating disorder. Something that will cause death if left untreated. Merciless. Extremely Difficult to overcome. Hard to understand. Dangerous. 

What anorexia isn't:
An extreme diet. A lifestyle. Something sexy. Fashionable. A joke. No big deal. An elitist club for beautiful and successful people. A fad. A choice. Something fun. Safe. Easy to deal with. 
 

To those that read this story, 

I hope this brings you clarity. I hope you don't relate to it, although, I expect many of you will. I hope you are gentle on yourselves and on others. I hope you've learned something from reading this. I wonder if you've noticed how powerful anorexia can be. I wonder if you've ever stopped to think of all of the incredible ways that this illness works to deceive you. I wonder what the future holds for you. I want you to take notice of this address. I want you to read it again and again until you see a pattern begin to emerge. This address is filled of hope and wonder. It was composed with love, thought, and dedication. Anorexia doesn't have to be a solitary battle, and you don't have to suffer in silence. If you only remember one thing from this story, please then let it be Plato's words, be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. 

Sincerely,
takethesebrokenwings

takethesebrokenwings takethesebrokenwings 22-25, F 20 Responses Sep 17, 2010

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Oh my gosh. I've missed to many Bon fires, bowling parties, and movie theatre trips to avoid the food. Another to add would be constantly chewing gum both so you don't eat and to burn the extra calories-11 per hour of chewing gum. I have on numerous occasions cried and yelled at my mom for adding oil or butter to cooked shrimp or vegetables when I unknowingly ate it. Anorexia ruins relationships and for those reading that relate, please know none of this is normal and you need help. I am recovering now. I went from 208 to 118 in 2 years and have secondary amenorrhea, bradycardia, and many other things such as shin splints and my hair is drastically receeding.

O ya, I also weighed every food and counted calories ridiculously. I wasn't even a severely restrictive anorexia. I just ate between 1200-1300 calories everyday on top or exercise. (Background: I'm 16 and 5'5 now.

I read this and almost cried because before getting treatmemt i was like this and i dont ever want to go back even if i am fat now

Some of these points I could relate with. Early 2013 I started a pro ana life. 1000 to 900 to 800 or less calories. 5'2" I was 140 and then I dropped to 118. I felt awesome at my skinniest after 4 months of strict diet and moderate exercise routine. But at the start of summer I've let go a bit. I've never been diagnosed for an ed but.. The self hatred and obsessive thoughts have never really stopped. I love feeling hungry. It means I'm loosing fat I'll be skinnier I'll be prettier. A major contributor to this has to be my dad. He's called me fat before. Criticized me on my eating habits..Slowly I've gone back to ana again. Revisiting pro ana sites trying to eat less(still past 1000) and exercising slightly more. I just want to feel semi okay again..

I'm 5'5 and 98 lbs. And I have almost everything that's written. I don't know what I am but i know that I want to get skinnier.

I'm 5'5 and 120 lbs. far from anorexic. But I can't help feeling I WISH I had the will power to do that. To keep from eating, to be skinny. I'm not fat or chubby but I'm not thin either. I love where my hip bones stick out a bit (the only the bone that really does) I make myself love me but I still flicker and go fight back to hating all the fat covering my body. The only reason I'm not is I don't have the control too. I want it desperately. I want to look attractive. I want to look like them.

I need my own help, it's like being stuck in a corner. The corner of hating fat & myself and not being strong enough to not eat or constantly exercise. I do eat healthy... It's not enough.

I dont want to be anorexic but I want to be super skinny. My weight affects everything I do. I am 5' 2 and I am 96 lb. I think that is alot. My friends say I am skinny but I dont belive them. I have considered trying to make myself puke, but I didnt. I want to lose weight but I dont want to be able to count my rib cage with no problem.

Hi my name is , Briana Lee. I’m a sophomore in college I am 19. I am doing a school Project on Anorexia. AND I NEED YOUR HELP. I am creating a Public Heath Message. This Project is supposed to help girls and women just like you see the struggles Anorexic Women go through. I would like each and every one of you to email me a video saying your name and wht anorexia means to you. Feel free to say more if you want. THE MORE THE BETTER. This project may be shown at a convention and maybe if were lucky be picked to win and be shown to help others just like you. YOU CAN HELP MAKE A DIFFRENCE!!!. So please email me your STORY video at briibear@gmail.com please title the SUBJECT As ANOREXIA thank you 

I want to be anorexic….. I'm sorry to any one I offend. I don't know why. I tell myself everyday that I'm not, I never will be, I can't "catch" it. But all I want to do be anorexic. I want ana to be my friend. I cut myself and suffer from mild depression. I count calories. I look at all food labels. Im 13 years old, 5'5, and around 98 pounds. I want to see my ribs, my hip, and the bones in my legs. I actually want my hair to fall out. And when I look at extremely thin anorexic persons, all I think are that they could be thinner. I look at pro ana sites whenever I have the time. I just want to be anorexic….

I'm sorry, but you have only explained one type of anorexia. Not all people with anorexia think they are fat & revolve their life around calories etc. I have anorexia, I know i'm too thin & want to get fatter, I don't think about the food I eat I just eat when I want to & what I want to just sometimes I can't bring myself eat or swallow, but it is not for the fear of gaining weight. Here you have explained the most known form of anorexia but not most forms :/

Thank you for differentiating, and I agree...
I am borderline anorexic, but I do not* have Anorexia nervosa...I am also genetically male. Anorexic is a state of the body, Anorexia nervosa is a psychological state, that creates the anorexic body.

Good advices.

You should add ~ if you think any of these are good ideas then you are probably on the road to anorexia .... i could hear my brain go off a few times with "Oh I never thought of that" or "good idea!". I like to think I'm over it but I know it never goes away and moments like that remind me of my friend ana.

Absolutely, its like alcoholism.. It never leaves completely.

I never thought i'd meet someone that felt just as I do--and then I went to treatment and met dozens. The pathology of eating disorders often is quite similar for anorexia/bulima. Although I can't say I know what you went through, I understand the internal struggle that one goes through when they have an eating disorder. Its really inspiring for me to hear of others successes--even if its just a daily success. I've recently been looking at my recovery in a terms of days. Forget about yesterday, think about today. Deal with tomorrow when it comes. . . I'm sure once I get a "substantial number" of days in recovery then i'll be able to say that i've been recovered for X months. That'll be a pretty great day. Any tips for continued success in the recovery process? And thank you for your support destiney *hugs*

Awwe thank you maverick! <br />
*hugs*<br />
<br />
Thank you for your understanding and encouragement Suicideangel. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry to hear that you know someone else who is suffering. Struggling with anorexia is not an easy task. I hope you're getting love, help and support. I tried to add you, but since you're underage EP has protections in place from having adults contact minors. You'd have to add me as a fan first and then I could respond to that add and make you a friend. I look forward to getting to know you and hearing your story.

Im sorry for what ur goingthrough im glade u r getting help i have someone that is very close to me going through the same thing and i have struggled with eating disorters sence i was 12 im new here so u should add me

Wow...truly inspiring.<br />
Thanx 4 such a wonderful post!!!<br />
<br />
Bit speechless...all i could say TAKE CARE OF URSELF!!!<br />
<br />
LOTS AND LOTS OF HUGS!!

maverick. Yes, I wrote this all myself. Since anorexia is an intense psychological disorder, simply eating, isn't so simple. It isn't about fear exactly... Generally this disorder stems from the need to feel in control when life gets chaotic. It becomes a mode of operating under stressful situations, and then eventually a mode for operating all the time. It sometimes takes years of "mild" anorexia before this "level" of sickness is observed, but many people do get there and they die--or get help.<br />
<br />
I've been clinically emaciated with a BMI of 13.5. I was brought into a hospital by my family so that I wouldn't die. I was pretty far gone and my organs sustained a lot of damage from the years of starvation... Recovery is full of slips, trips and falls--I fell a while back pretty hard. I checked myself into a treatment facility for the second time and i'm finally again reaching a point in my life where I am approaching "healthy". I'm glad you read this and that it brought some awareness to this terrible disorder which impacts so many peoples lives. <br />
<br />
Andrew, thank you so much for your continued support and love! I can definitely see that posting this information in a sticky note for these groups (eating disorder groups) could be really beneficial. You have some excellent ideas! <br />
<br />
*hugs*

hi andrew..<br />
thanx for the info bro....;-)<br />
<br />
<br />
*hugs*<br />
<br />
maverick89 (a.k.a. Hrithik)...... ;-)

Hello maverick89 (a.k.a. Hrithik), to find out more about anorexia, you can start by reading the information here:<br />
<br />
http://helpguide.org/topics/eating_disorders.htm<br />
<br />
:)<br />
<br />
All the best --<br />
<br />
*hugs*<br />
<br />
Andrew

((((((((((((((( HUGS )))))))))))))))<br />
<br />
I have just rated this story up, and am wishing (sincerely) that I could rate it up more than once.<br />
<br />
This is really important information. I am tempted to lobby EP Admins to make it a "sticky" that will be seen by everybody who tries to post a story in this group.<br />
<br />
The information here is also useful for people who think that somebody they love might have a problem.<br />
<br />
Already bookmarked. Will be re-read by me multiple times.<br />
<br />
:)<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
<br />
Andrew

did U wrote all that stuff by urself?? ;-)<br />
<br />
Well thanx for making me aware of this problem....<br />
Frankly speaking i dint knew that even this disease exist...<br />
I feel Sorry for u!!<br />
<br />
But when u knw that u r suffering 4m this disease then why dont u start eating(i knw thats a very very stupid question..but wanna know what is the thing keeps u away fom the foods...is it the fear of being fat??....or it varies from person to person)

It's because when I see myself and weigh myself (I know I'm anorexic most anorexics do) all i see is a fat ugly slob, and usually we cut to let the grossness and badness leak out of us. Hope I helped