Perfection Is Impossible
I'm a perfectionist. I have a 4.0 GPA and am never satisfied with anything less than the best...maybe that's why I struggle with some sort of eating disorder for about a year now. I guess it's anorexia, but its sort of coupled with binge eating. I constantly think about what I will eat next and never stop counting calories in my head. However sometimes, usually at night, I will start eating something and feel as if I can never stop again--I loose all control. I have started to gain weight because of this, though I am still "skinny" by society's standards...but I hate myself for it. I used to be skinnier...and I now strive for that. Eating makes me feel guilty and if I could never eat again I would probably be overjoyed in a sick sort of way. I constantly comapre myself to every other person and how they appear and I always think I look fatter. I want this to go away, but I fear if it does, I will just gain more and more weight--the weight that my brain is currently begging me to get rid of.