Attempting To Recover- My Experience
A month ago, I was put in the emergency room because of cardiac arrest. Let me tell you, I was right in the middle of drivers Ed. How embarrassing it is to have your heart stop working with 30 classmates around you is awful. I couldn't breathe, I turned blue, and I shook uncontrollably on the floor as I collapsed. I was very lucky to have lived, it's truly a miracle. Let me remind you that I'm only 16 years old, have been anorexic for only a year, and I'm not even underweight. I'm 5' 8", the lowest weight I got to was 130. I used to be so depressed, and thought I wouldn't care if I died from anorexia, as long as I was beautiful. But the moment I stopped breathing, I was more scared than I had ever been. I was NOT ready to die. They saved me obviously, but at a huge price. I have hurt my parents to the point where they cried, and I never thought they loved me until I saw my parents crouched together crying because they though they wouldn't have their only child anymore. When my friends found out they cried, and I never knew I had so many friends around to support me. I didn't think anyone cared about me. But even if you feel that way, just know that people may not show it, but they care. And it finally stuck in my brain that I am beautiful. I may not be a toothpick model, but I am a slim/muscular size 5. I have enough meat on me where I can be sexy, but not jiggly. And if you're young like I am, forget getting boobs any time soon. While I was anorexic, I was an A cup, barely. I hadn't even started my period yet. And now I'm finally filling the A cup. The point is, did I gain weight in recovery? Yea, like 15 pounds. But after 3 weeks, I've lost 5 of them, and I eat whatever I want. I'm a health nut, but I do enjoy a brownie sometimes. And it really isn't that bad, most of you probably need to gain 15 pounds. And even when I gained a little weight, I was still beautiful. People always called me beautiful and stunning, even when I got to 150 pounds. Trust me, I didn't look fat. I still wore smalls, and my hair started growing back, my skin glowed again, and I had a full stomach. I have a boyfriend now, guys didn't find me attractive before because I looked so sick. Please let my story be an eye-opener, death can happen to anyone, any time, unexpectedly. You think you'll be fine with it, but I promise when that moment hits, you will realize how wrong you were. You all have a life to live and don't realize what you're missing, and I know you are all beautiful. Don't be like me where you have to constantly think about your breathing, taking loads of vitamins, and getting your blood drawn once a week. I may be recovering, but that doesn't mean I still won't die. I want my story to be heard, and I want to make a difference. If I die, I'll realize it's my fault, but I won't go down without a fight.