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Fighting Anorexia For Life

I have been fighting anorexia for a good deal of my life.  Problem when you start looking normal people assume your okay and drop the issue when in fact it may have become part of you and u never know what may trigger it.  Something to consider that i had not is what damage you may be causing yourself and what kind of damage this disease can cause.  No one ever brought up all the things that can happen over the long term.  It is so hard to see anything but fat that we don't think long term. wish  someone would have pointed out things that can happen (with anorexia only) I do not throw up or anything only exercising extensively and not eating.  With only this you could cause teeth damage or maybe bone  or liver damage.   it is important to find someone you trust outside yourself to help u see if you are really fat.  I thought I had found this in one therapist then he quit his practice.  that is so very hard it feels like he has abandoned me & he has.  I am trying to figure where to seek help or who to trust now. In a way I think greater danger occurs when you reach a normal weight.  People think your 'cured'  but this is where you have to be very careful.  If you gain a little too much and like me the want to loose just a little, find someone you trust to first.  I wanted to loose 15 lbs.  Suddenly i lost 52 lbs in very short time and am in trouble again.  It is so difficult. One doctor wants me to gain 20 lbs soon. It is harder there then people realize.   I found another therapist and am trying to get help.  It would help if that therapist who quit would at least talk by mail or phone occasionally to help transition to someone else but he doesn't.  For me I need someone who will keep telling me what I need to do, but understand that weight gain must be done slowly so as to minimize panic.  Also I think many do not understand that eventually it is just difficult to eat much. It is a constant fight to eat enough to not loose.

In any case, if you have people who are concerned you are very lucky.  It seems i have no one,   not really. If they are being forceful its only because they care and again I wish i had this.  Find out about long term damage to your body even through research on the Web.  I am trying to find out where else to find help and support. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.  This time I saw I was headed for trouble and tried telling someone. For me, I wish it didn't scare people and they were not afraid to say something. Just don't call me an idiot or be mean about it like my sister.  She a lot older and pretty mean.  That I do not need.  Cruelty drives you further inside.  Being firm or forceful and being mean are two very different things.

Anyway, I  realize i am fighting something for life and for my life. I know i can't do it alone and i want to find help but don't know where to turn. I am trying a new therapist, i would like to tell off the last one..i could never do that though..  I get afraid enough of people abandoning me
reliez reliez 41-45 2 Responses Jul 8, 2011

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Yes, you are fighting in order to save your own life. Your organism need some part of energy and no more and no less. If you will not give enough, it can finish up itself in the grave, or in the best case, under a defibrillator on the intensive care unit.

I understand what you are talking about. Having an eating disorder myself, I struggle to eat healthfully but it is so difficult. My ex was always on my case-so were my family members. This made it so much worse,especially when people tell you that you look good-to me that means that I look fat.<br />
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There are reasons why we have eating disorders. We have a poor self-image and this didn't come from nowhere. We are punishing ourselves and we need to find out why, even though it takes some serious soul searching. Perhaps you could look back in your past-try to figure out when this trouble began and then focus on how you can figure things out. I will be thinking of you. Best of luck... ei