My Story

It's been a whole year now since I've first started to make my self throw up and starve myself. Everyone thought i lived a perfect life, i did too. My parents were divorced but get along and work together. I was an only child so i got a lot of things that most kids didn't. I was in the third grade the first time i got bullied. It was by my best friend at the time. She would make rude comments about my parents being divorced or call me spooled. I tried to stop talking to her, but she was in my class and it wasn't like middle school when we switch classes i was with her all day. I felt uncomfortable around her all the time. It was during recess one day when i was in line with my friends and she came up to me calling me spoiled, i was used to it and didn't let it get to me but this time she ended it worse she got all the attention around us and looked me in the eye and told me that she wished i was never born. I didn't know what to do, i was embarrassed, broken, and ashamed of myself.
I thought that that was the end we got into middle school and she wasn't in any of my classes but seeing her in the hallway was still hard knowing that we were with different group of kids who didn't know what happened i wasn't sure if she would tell them too. The year went by and was fine until one night in the summer. I got a text from someone i dint know i found out it was her she was saying i was calling her a ***** and that if i did it again she would mess me up. I didn't know why this was happening to me i didn't say or do anything to her. We got into the seventh grade. She was in two of my classes and at my lunch table. A month into school i got up to go to the bathroom with my friend. When i came back everyone was silent and left. I found out her and my best friend at the time were there calling me a ***** to all the other girls. I didn't want to be alive at that moment i told myself i wasn't perfect I shouldn't be around she was more popular than me so no one would miss me as much. My teacher found out and sent me to the guidance consuler. Then i got called into the office twice. She followed me out of my class to my locker and tried to ask why i was there i ignored her a walked away. I got to class and felt like very one hated me i got called to the office again and before i could get there started crying. I had to leave school early and get texts form people i didn't even know who were giving me crap about it.
Thats when i started making myself throw up i thought that if i was skinnier than i would become more popular and like me better. I went on and on and on with it then decided that wasn't enough i had to stop eating all together. I got thinner and thinner and felt happy again. I would make up excuses all the time at dinner and breakfast t lunch i would give my food away. I still got looks in the hallways and rumors spread around. I got unhappy again and made sure i didn't eat anything i was down to 85 pounds at 5'5 at the age of 13. Nothing was working and i wanted to be gone so bad but i knew i couldn't let the bully win. I finally got caught when i was in the bathroom throwing up.
Being thin didn't make me go back to having the perfect life. I lost a lot of friends, had people talk about me in front of me like i really was dead. I didn't get what i ever did. I didn't think i was normal and being under house arrest and having to eat didn't help either. I hated everyone, if anyone tried to help me i hated them. If someone went to touch me i thought they were a ***** or against me even though they didn't know. Being anorexic didnt do anything except almost let myself die. I hate the fact that i did it but theres not one day that i don't think about it and get myself to do it. Im not one hundred percent better, honestly the last time i made self throw up wasn't to long ago. I never eat breakfast or lunch and try to work out as much as possible. I have nightmares all the time about getting fat or being called fat or my secret being spread. I feel alone a lot and never know how to handle it, i don't trust anyone anymore. Being anorexic ruined not only my life by my self esteem too. I struggle everyday to act perfect and be popular and act like i don't care about anyone who hates me but honestly i do and in the inside I'm breaking everyday. I come home from school and cry then later i cry myself to sleep every night. None of this is something I'm proud of but something ill have to live with forever thank to me.

An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 12, 2013

I went through the same experience. Luckily, my bully has left the school but the memories haunt me every single day and the anorexia is still around, loud as ever. Its good that you're recovering though, keep up the good work because the bullies dont deserve to win. message me any time