The DiseaseI've recently took anorexia to the next level. I'm 14 4'10. I know, I'm a tiny little thing. That means I am suppose to be light since I'm little. I'm 98 lbs and desperately wanting to loose more and more. The sickest part, there's something that wants to be underweight. I can't stand the sight of food because I get scared I'll loose control and eat. I don't purge but I do binge on sweets of something. I wanted to purge but I always get scared and never do it. I workout everyday, pushing myself so far that my body is sore and I can barely move. I was called fat in my old school and I was always scared to eat. I've made my own diet where I do a half hour work out twice a day and I only eat 500 calories. I write down everything I eat, like a diary. I list what the food is and how many calories it is. My friend saw my book once and told me I wasn't fat and that I didn't need to loose weight since I was already skinny but I don't believe her. I'm obsessed with looking at myself in the mirror, always looking at my fat body. In my eyes, my thighs and the top of my arms are to big, my stomach comes out to much, my cheeks have to much fat on them, etc. I'm scared that I won't be satisfied until I see my bones and I don't want that. I can already see the top of my ribs where my collar bone is and that scares me. I have no control, my disease is making me slowly die from the inside out.
dissapearingstorm 13-15, F 2 Responses 0 Jan 22, 2013