Harder And Harder Still..
if you've never gone through it.. it sounds silly, right? why would someone just not eat? even when they're doubled over on the floor from hunger pains. just eat and everything's okay. but its not that simple. it's my brain is wired differently. yes, i'm hungry. yes, i like food. but NO, i cant eat. No, i dont think im fat. i just dont think im skinny. i've been called names. freak, bones, skeleton girl, ect.. and those words hurt. but not for the reason they should. they hurt because i dont see that. what i see in the mirror and what other people see on me is so different in so many ways. i dont Want to be like this. i dont wanna have to cry everytime i look in a mirror or see a pretty girl in the halls or on tv. i dont want my friends to have to watch me everyday at lunch making sure i eat Something, Anything. i dont want to lie to my mother about why im not eating dinner. i dont want to have to force my hand to bring the smallest possible amount of food to my mouth just so i can function during the day. what i DO Want... to be confident again. to eat whatever i want and not think twice about it. to sit at the table with my mother and brother and enjoy my mom's amazing cooking. to laugh with my friends at the lunch table and have people stare at us for laughing louder than anyone else in the cafeteria. to go into the bathroom and not even Look at the scale. to sleep through the night without my stomach waking me up. but all that seems so far away. like it's only a dream. a dream that gets harder and harder to hold onto everyday.. :'(