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My Story Of Anorexia (Long)

 
I'm not gonna say my name or anything, but im 15 and my current weight is 102lbs, my mom says that's healthy. But i dont want a three diget number for weight. My goal is 95lbs. Anyways this whole anorexia thing started 4 years ago when i was 12, young i know.. I was exiting 6th grade and i was bullied so bad where i tried to commit sucide 3 times. I was teased and made fun of for my weight and name and everything. I was so alone i had no friends. But my ED didnt start until the begining of 7th grade, i was still teased for my weight, so i just stopped eating all together, If i did eat it would be a salad with no dressing. My dad was an alcoholic (hes not anymore) at the time and my mom and i werent that close. Both of my parents were breathing down my back to be stronger and to have good grades, and i felt like i had no control what so ever, so i thought the only thing i could control is what i eat. About 4 weeks into middle school i got pulled out cause i couldnt handle being bullied everyday. So i was homeschooled the rest of middle school and i gradually started to eat more than i was, before i got pulled out i was only eating dinner, but since i was home i kinda felt obligated to eat every other meal. End of my 8th grade year i had a relapse and was again only eating dinner. I guess i should mention that at that time i was very involed in my church, i'm a christian, and i was really close with my pastor. If i didnt tell you that information this part wouldnt make any sense. So the summer before freshman year, I went on a houseboat trip with my church for a week and it was amazing. That was the time i told everyone about my anorexia and my pastor got involved and told me that if i didnt get some kind of help that i would move to drugs and stuff and its kinda true i am planning to smoke weed with my friend this weekend. But i just was so upset cause at the time i didnt want to end up that way ever, So i ate every meal after that until November, My pastor whom i was extremly close to had left the church and as did i when he left, i was so sad, and at the time i also had a boyfriend and when i was going to tell him about my pastor he broke up with me and that triggered my anorexia agian, all i thought of was, maybe if i was thinner he would like me agian, thin is beautiful, if you want him back you gotta be thin so dont eat at all. It was all bad, And here i am now, telling you that i am still struggling with that voice in my head that is telling me to be thin, And i recently became a vegitarian to loose more weight. And the sad part is that i feel so alone, none of my friends understand and think im crazy, my mother knows about it but she doesnt think its serious when it is. I just need some who understands what im going through and theyre going through the same thing, I need some one to talk to to. And thats my story.

AnaGirl033 AnaGirl033 13-15 1 Response Feb 7, 2013

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I know how hard it is. im 15 too and i weigh 104 pounds. ive been struggling for a year and a half. i also wish for double digits, although im praying for recovery. hang in there.