I Have Battled Anorexia

I have had Anorexia for 14 years.  I am only at a "normal" weight now due to force feedings.

HW 160 lbs
CW  130 lbs
LW 64 lbs

I will do anything to lose at least 30 lbs to start with and then take it from there.  I just need people to stop watching over me.
Licorice Licorice
31-35, F
20 Responses Jul 21, 2007

I know I am writing really late on this post but I have just started going through the same thing,(a little bit different)

I am 14 and in 8th grade I weighed 7.6 stone (I was normal weight ish!!!) and now I weigh 6.1 stone. I need help... :(

On the 14th December I got raped, I have not told anyone because I am scared and as I am typing this my hands are shaking.
On the 15th December I was trying to eat my dinner and when I swallowed I got this burning down my throat. So I took smaller bits and no matter how small I swallowed it it still burned really bad. So I skipped that dinner. (by the way it was mash potato) it kept hurting and burning on everything I ait so I started not to eat... Eventually I had got into the pattern of having half a smoothie a day.

26th December I remember looking in the mirror and thinking I had put on some weight around my tummy, I was petrified!!! I thought that I was pregnant, of corse I did not want to be so I started to exercise... I got smaller and smaller untill I couldn't move on my own. My mum had to carry me to the toilet!

27th December my mum took me to the hospital because I was walking to get a drink and I collapsed on the way back!!! The hospital put me on this tube (NG tube) and it fed me... I am now 6.1 stone like I said, the lowest had got to was 5.3 (small for 14 year old)... I am not out of hospital yet but I am leaving tomorrow... YAY... (by the way I'm not pregnant i got it checked yesterday...)

Note to all girls, dont starve yourself, if you cant eat like me and you don't want to tell anyone, drink stuff no matter if it hurst, if you are so desperate to become skinny, be careful and I would not recommend it...

what?Licorice you just won an important battlet. Lose weight in secret?kill ur self secretly? During my years of anorexia, and during the days in which the weighing marked 29kg , I wanted someone to stop me and take care of me, but I was alone. And I won alone. I lost the two most important things in my life ... my best years and dance because of anorexia. But I know that u will not listen to me. returning to a normal weight is just the beginning ... recovering mentally is the hardest part ... I'm still trying to win the second part. Please listen to me.

Amen to that. No one in my life cares enough to notice. Except my best friend...I told her I was doing therapy just to get her off my butt and it worked

nnnnooooooo dont give in to them! be who you want to be! if you want to be normal then be normal. but if you want to be skinny. do it behind their backs. thats what i do. i get force fed, you just need to chuck it up again easy peasy!! do what you think is right :) xx

I am a guy...and I can see it... can't you see?<br />
<br />
Licorce has an eating disorder. This means when she sees herself or even feels herself inward, she feels like she has too much weight.<br />
<br />
I have an anxiety disorder. I am anxious about anything. A person can tell me, "don't anxious about that it's silly."<br />
<br />
"Easy for you to say!"<br />
<br />
And, that is her answer. Because no matter how she feels, or even sees herself.. no matter what weight she is, she feels she has to lose it. She get's physically sick when she eats... just like you would if you had the flu and threw up. It's not just in the head... it's in the body, too...<br />
<br />
Who's to blame?<br />
<br />
The media. The procupation with weight that every girl goes through. And, some of this media stuff, girls are more sensative to it, like she is.<br />
<br />
Now, she suffers.<br />
<br />
Imagine looking at yourself, bone thin... and seeing yourself as too heavy... like it's stuck in your mind... and you can't get out. It's always the same.<br />
<br />
Give the woman a break.<br />
<br />
For a guy that doesn't have it, that's best can do!<br />
<br />
She has a disorder! What she needs is support. She needs your support and she needs support of professionals.<br />
<br />
What she put down is exactly how a anorexia feels. And, respect that.<br />
<br />
I just hope, Licorce, that you are seeking professional help! Ignore the bad comments... and just take the good ones. You deserve it!

You're 5'4? Don't starve. 5'4 and 130 is the thing guys love.<br />
They like boobs.<br />
You're beautiful. But talk to your doctors about the Healthy Weight, 160 isn't healthy for 5'4.<br />
Stay Healthy, you're Beautiful <3

I'm pretty sure HW is "High Weight" not "healthy weight" :)

are they allowed to force feed you to a normal weight? How old are you? just wondering b/c i am over 19 so they had to certify me everytime they put me in hospital but after over 16 visits, they decided they were just making me worse so they agreed to just support me with therapy and outpatient counselling. I don't think doctors should be allowed to tube feed anorexics as it just makes them suicidal. For me I almost died from the treatment they gave me and it makes me so mad they could be comprimising your sanity. If you want any support, just email me girl...i've been through it all....!!! ---- iulia

64 lbs? How tall are you? 64 lbs sounds really painful, but i wanna be that low:)

No, it's 164. I do too though.

Girl I understand what your going through and although I will help anyone who wants to be ana I don't recomend it or push it on anyone. If you have the chance and the people to help you. GET BETTER!!!! I am anorexic and have been for quite some time. I'm old enough that no one can hospitalize me for it but seriously try and get better. Its tough at first but with time there is healing!<br />
Praying for you:)

130 pounds is ah-mazing. :) I bet you dont wanna hear a bunch of strangers telling you that you werent healthy and to get help and such. But im just a starnger telling you you're beautiful :)

how do you do it??...i want to be skinny i want to be free!!..xx

how do you do it??...i want to be skinny i want to be free!!..xx

trust me....this isnt what you want...

130 is really healthy! I am doing all I can to make it that low. Stay there! Just exercise and watch what you eat!

I am so sorry for you. My heart is breaking for you. I am at a point right now that if I am not *really* careful, I am going to be committed and being forced fed to me is like being orally raped.<br />
I am so sorry to read that you are in such a horrid place. I wish you ~healing~ & ~peace~, whatever each of those means to you.

awww i dont know you but bless you,,, i want to be anorexic too so dont worry,, how do you do it properly? i weight 8 stone and i am 5ft4. how long ould it take to get down to 6 stone? writebak please x

this post makes me angry because NO ONE should ever want this disease. it is not a dieting method. This makes me want to rant but ill be nice. But when people say things like this it upsets me to the extreme.

dont. i beg you to reconsider!!!! im a little late on responding, but please, think about it.

whats ur bmi? how tall are u?

whats ur bmi? how tall are u?

I have only been anarexic and bullimic for a year and a half but have already been in hospital for collapsing at a friends house, I hadn't eaten and not thrown it up for weeks.<br />
I have since put on weight and now weigh a more normal 87lbs

aww hunn I know you don't know me and maybe thats better. I have had anorexia for 16 years recovery is hard but its worth it in the end I promise I stuggle still but I have a year strong without a relapse and i am happy even if i struggle i am so much happier now. no tubes no moniters no people looking over my shoulder. in time you will make the decision for yourself.

Don't loose the weight again! Trust me - their is a reason they made you put on weight- you weren't healthy. Challenge your anorexic side !!!! GO ON - YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!