It's Weird For Me to Say...

I guess i am but i dont know why it's so hard to say.  i didnt plan it and i dont look at clebrities and say god i wish i looked like her it's just that things got tough and when they did i cut back on food so i could find a place where i could concentrate on me.  but it started to get out of hand so back then a year and half a go i got a grasp of it but about 6 months ago i slippped back and its worsethan ever my parents say im 'unhealthily skinny and here concerned' and they haven't even seen me at my thinnest.  Its getting worse now because my friends just stare at me and some people started spreading rumors.  I joined this today because I had a bad day ad ate a food at lunchtime then i ate some chocolate if got at christmas then dinner as well and i hate myself even more. I never belived what people said thinking there just jealous i;m this thin then i realised that i count calories and i tend to eat at most 200 a day.  all day i think about food and i hate myself if i eat now everyones sayin well done you had lunch but i dont think thats something tobe happy about?  the truth was that i acutally gave it out in smal peices to people but i still ate some of it so i still feel like crap.  My friends realise and talk about it and knw my parents r guessing.  i wonder how long i can keep this up before they send me to somewhere? what do you guys think about what i've said?

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kaye16 Kaye16
18-21
2 Responses Jan 9, 2009

Hey thistlefox, Yeah that was a very long time ago now :) The truth is that I've been in recovery now for over a year and as part of that deleted this account later so this is my new one. I'm healthy now, at university but still struggle everyday hence why I joined up again and am shocked with how I used to be. Although a part of me that wrote that is still there it seems so different in hindsight, I even realise now that when I wrote that I wasn't even at my worst.<br />
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Thank you for your concern, it's so nice to know that people out there do care <br />
xxx <3

I am sorry to see no one commented on this. I know it was a long time ago. I just wanted to see how you are feeling now?