Post

Ana Is Myself ...

ANA Is Me Myself and My Distorted Reflection ...

Though I know but I still believe in the distorted perception ...
 
over 3 years untill now since she has been apart of me ...

I need no sympathy but understanding ...

I need you to feel me ...

96 lbs with 5'5 feet height ...

I still feel "FAT" even though I know Im not ...

Dear Ana,

  " You are my best friend and worst enemy ...  
  
   But why i cant lose you ...  

   Or I dont want to ...  

   I just dont know ..."


 

DollyDiva DollyDiva 22-25, F 46 Responses Jan 20, 2009

Your Response

Cancel

My family or friends don't know about my anorexia and I don't ever want to tell them.. I Have no one to speak to because my friend doesn't understand xx

I really understand what you're going through.. xx I know how you feel x She will leave when the time is right x Just stay calm and power through ;)

I haven't read that book but I'll check it out ..

This kind of reminds me of a book I have called Skinny.

This kind of reminds me of a book I have called Skinny.

Of course ! You can speak to me .. Im ready to hear you ...

hello i ned to speak to someone im anorexic i need to speak xxxx

@ Livincolor,, I know .. I try to eat healthy like salad or sth like that .. and it seemed to work :)



@ Amy ,, Thx for feeling me ...

i know u try dolly..

CandyRainsPearls makes a good point. If I eat something really healthy I dont feel as absolutely miserable afterwards. Eating something healthy everyday is a good step to take to try to overcome that feeling of satisfaction when my stomach is entirely empty. Just something to keep in mind.

Stay strong

I totally appreciate your all carings and suggestions as well as understanding .. Im trying .. and getting better since Victoria's Secret doesn't need a skeleton model ...

P/s: DollyDiva, anorexics discover reserves of pure steel in themselves as they try to assert control over their lives and feelings through eating discipline, and I always ask amyMM to do her best to turn this stubborness *against* the anorexia, use it to resist her.



A person who can say "no" to food even when they are starving -- even when they are hurting the people who love them and are begging them to resist -- has the emotional strength and discipline (somewhere...) to challenge her: "Who are you to say that I deserve to be punished? That I don't deserve to be well? Who are you to say that I should destroy myself and make my body disappear?"



Love,

Andrew

Sweetie never told anyone here but' i hav same problem..it's gotten better last 10 years..but' i eat enough to keep my weight normal..i can put on extra weight and it shows in my rear..and i cut food out for a few days till i reach my comfortable weight..but' i do many things to keep it under..salmon oil..virgin coconut oil..vitamin d helps a lot..hug and kisses sUgA! maybe I'll write a story soon..i also hav tape measure and constantly measure my body..stay away from mirrors ..that never works tho ..~xox lOv Ya ! UR BBF always! also read bible..and talk to others with our bad friend..i am mostly a vegetarian..but i eat fish..tonight i had spinach fresh and grilled salmon..eat healthy..try too :O)

Hello DollyDiva. You have my understanding... and also my sympathy. Why not? The more I learn about anorexia and eating disorders, the more I really how difficult your battle is.



*hugs*



I will never judge you, okay. Remember, anorexia is a liar, she makes people think that controlling their weight is a form of control, when actually it is a total loss of control over healthy needs and desires.



With all my love --



Andrew

hugs*

I feel like I can't live without her .. I know I could but I'm not ready to accept that :(

i just saw ur story dolly..maybe with ur story others can understand how is to deal with anorexia

"You are my best friend and worst enemy ... But why i cant lose you ... Or I dont want to ... I just dont know ..."



^^I feel exactly the same. I dont want to be without my "Ana" but I know I should be.

Dear Sagenth,

Thks a lot for your comments, I really appreciated,, I would like to explain you a bit more about my ED,, Firstly,, Im not suffering with Ana because of the reason that "I want to be attractive",, because I am already and always have been,, thats for me and my satisfaction,, I may not seem attractive to someone but as the way it is,, "beauty is in the eyes of beholder",, Thus, "to be attractive" was not the cause of my ED at all,, In contrast, I am now suffering because of my self-distorted reflection as I had mentioned in the story,, I see myself FAT,, no matter how weight I am,, I dont know how to cope with this as I am mentally ill,, I know and everybody says "you are very thin" but I FEEl fat and that feeling makes me feel so negative with myself,, As a result, "to make myself feel better" was the key,, I starve myself just to be a little bit happier,, but I still eat just to be alive as I dont wanna die,, I dont wanna lose,, I wanna live longly enough as I want,, Its my decision not hers ...

You aren't ugly and a person's weight has nothing to do with how attractive they are. It doesn't matter how much you starve yourself, you will never be attractive without a real personality. People aren't attracted to people in a long term relationship because of their body, that is but a small amount of people who do that. If you want to be attractive you have to work on you, have a personality that has a flare to it, and attract people with what you do and say. Depriving your body of nourishment is not the way to go if your trying to attract somebody who doesn't like somebody with problems which is most people it seems.



If you want to be a super model weight, try to be... key word is try to be, with a HEALTHY diet.. eat food that is good for you, has enough calories to get you through to your next meal, and make sure you get all your vitamins so your mind is functioning properly. I can't do simple math without my vitamins, so imagine what it's doing to your though processes.



What's wrong with skipping meals?

When people talk about "Yo-yo dieting" or "holding onto fat" - they are referring to the way the body detects that it is under deprivation and will attempt to slow down metabolic rate accordingly. Skipping meals can start a difficult cycle whereby the body burns less calories - therefore you need to starve even more. It is a self-defeating cycle. When a person suddenly eats "normally" the body typically rebounds with the sudden calorie excess and stores it as fat.



Nobody ever said life is easy. We can only try to be happy. You won't get there by losing a battle trying to be as thin as possible.. because if you ever do reach the point where you "have no fat" you'll have long before died of malnutrition.

He knows it best ! This was the cause that makes him very worry about me, I explained him clearly what I have gone through, we discussed this topic so many times and finally, I found out my answer, I neither want to die nor live fat, but I want to live happily and skinny.



At least I know what I want ... and that's good enough for me ! :)

It will. But it will take time, and self control. To see something you want, and hold yourself firm against it. To tell yourself you will be better to yourself and deny what it is that makes you feel dirty or impure. Also, tell someone close to you about what it is you are fighting against. They might help you, give you some advice, or just tell you that they are here for you, whether good or bad.

Almost impossible to achieve ,..

Ana is "Lust" as she is emotions ...

Human being are always controled by self emotions ..

I'm completely one of them,

Thus, to conquer "lust" is not easy to do,

It takes lots of time and patience,

I'm now practicing the way to conquer lust ..

"Meditation" = Mind Control ...

I wish it would work

What you have to understand is that you and Ana are one, completely connected, but YOU are the one who has control over both. Ana is just a series of emotions and thoughts that you yourself created when you were younger to help combat an environment that you felt hostile. YOU have the power, you just need to believe that and then learn how to control it.

Yes, I absolutely agreed with you. What weired is I am in contrast of myself ... Sometimes, I love the way I look, but some I hate it a lot, I love to be popular, but I dont like when people treat me like a superstar and also I hate being talked and gossiped by public community who has no idea what's real or unreal ;O !



Bact to Ana, I hate her to make me feel uncomfortable with my body image but I love her to make me able to control my hunger and lusts ...

We all have our own demons within ourselves we must face. That alternate face we keep away from most people and suffer in silence with, that makes us feel ugly and grotesque and unwanted. And it is hard, one of the hardest things to do in life is face them and not be afraid of what we see or feel. But we can overcome them; all we must do is look at ourselves for one moment the way others see us. We must hear their words for what they truly are; words of honesty and truth about what they see when they look at us.

aww you are so kind & good-hearted kitty :(

I'm very happy to know you ;)

Thks for cheer up! I'm gonna be ok ! :)

i'm so sorry for you honey....your very very beautiful,and i know how hard is to fight anorexia,but you will be fine,*hugs

Thks Kaye !



That means a lot to me > < ~

haha yeh the plan sounds simple...until you try it :P



me too! ur never alone cos im always here :)



hugs! xxxxx