Anorexia Isn't Much Fun.

I have had anorexia for about 11 years. It started when I was 5 and is still here after all this time. My highest weight was 185, my current weight is 130 and my lowest weight at this hight was 65. Umm.. I haven't had much luck in the health department due to it (frequent anemia, kidney stones and acute kidney failure, depression, etc...) When it first started when I was five, it had nothing to do with looks, I just hated putting anything in my mouth. In elementary school I was a really picky eater (only bread, peanutbutter, and some fruits). At the end of middle school, I grew a lot and gained a lot of weight (making me a target for bullies). I tried that summer to lose weight before middle school, but I just got taller and gained more weight. I lost all the weight and then some. That got me to an inpatient home, where my eating could be watched (ended up with a feeding tube). Since my stay there, I've got right back to old habits. I had a few months where I didn't care about my weight, but then anorexia came back stronger than ever. After fasting for three weeks, I tried to kill myself (failed in a really stupid way). I never told anyone about it. Then I also started throwing up, which is ridiculous because I don't even binge. I'm not sure if I should just give into it, because when I try to fight it I'm miserable. But I know giving in isn't good either. Well, hopefully more people will join this and we can all figure some stuff out together.
blueskitty blueskitty
18-21, F
15 Responses Aug 1, 2007

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Everyone be strong I'm almost 11 years running too. There Is a way out. Support and getting help. It's hard to take tht step and facing ppl saying I have this problem. I don't feel that ppl would understand how I feel and why I don't eat. But it's a problem and we can change.

I'd like to figure something out, too. I'm sick of needing to vomit after nearly everything. I'm sick of fearing food.

i know exactly how u feel i been through the kidney stones and lots of kidney and also heart problems i used to weigh only 73 pounds at nineteen and i was 5ft 0n i weigh 101 and im 21 my bmi is 19.7 which is in the normal range for my height i am still only 5ft and still deal with anorexia but not as bad

i'm anorexic/bulimic too. do you self harm? i do. there are people like you and me everywhere, we just don't notice because they're as good as we are at throwing up silently, or always smiling, or saying they just ate. don't give up fighting it - im seeing a doctor next week so i can be properly diagnosed and treated with professional help. it's absolutely not my choice - my parents found out. but don't give up, we all need to try to get better, its the only way wipe anorexia off this earth. good luck and hugs

There are a lot of people that feel exactly the same as you, you're not alone! Never let something like this consume you and take over your mine, I'm also an anorexic and understand how you feel, you will overcome this, don't give up yet! We all believe in you:)

dont give up! i keep telling myself that when ever i am shaking ans weak from lack of food. i think about all the other anorexics who were so strong and resisted, i would tell my self that i needed to be as strong as them. i also thought, "nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels" which is 100% true! dont give up just yet.

I know now you feel. I have been this way for years...on and off. I am now 29 and once again Anna has reared her ugly sorry head and it's taken control of me like it hasn't in years. I know its stupid and wrong but that's doesn't change how we look at ourselves. It's a constant battle and it will always be lurking in the back of our minds. I'm so tired and worn out beyond belief. I slept for a full 24 hours straight yesterday and there are time were I don't sleep for days. I came here looking for support myself but let me tell you this one thing. And you think I would have learned a lesson but sadly Anna is not the kind, I ended up having a heart attack due to this B**** and still she haunts me. We are here for you, we are here to support each other. We understand and have been there ourselves or are still going through it. Find something worth fighting for, for me it's my children but at the moment, I'm failing and letting her win. Don't be me, beat that B****** A**!! *HUGS*

I went through the same as you. Mine started when I was 10 though due to being a picky eater... I went to outdoor school for a week and didn't eat a thing cause i didn't like the food. I got down to 57 pounds at the height of "4'9. I gained a ton of weight and some height. I felt fat though. I got to 107 at height of"5'1 and while watching a doctor phil show i saw a girl who was "anorexic" at the weight of 105. I thought to myself "I wish I weighed 105... then that is when my diet started. I began purging at age 16 and got caught by my mother right after a doctor appt. RIGHT after my doctor told my mom I had lost over 20 pounds in a week and that something was wrong... It was humiliating. So I went through treatment for 2 years. I weigh 120 now............. I hate it and it is unfair. They put me at this weight cause they knew 120 was my biggest fear.

I hate Anorexia! I hope you beat this devilish addiction and realize that you are beautiful and you do not have to fear being fat! And besides, who cares about those stupid bullies anyway?

Oh my god,so many things you wrote relate to me in so many ways.. the health problems, the tube feeding,the inpatient units,hospitals, the accepting the weight for a few months after being tube fed,and what? having anorexia is so tiring and painful,yet fighting it is almost more tiring,more painful,and brings just as much depression.i dont no what to do either,i have days i want to give up the fight,go back to her, but i no its wrong.All thats keeping me going is the thougth of what ive put my mum thru, but thats starting to not be enough,and the depression,self hatred and fattnes that i see is getting too much.My lowest bmi was 11.9, today im at 17!!! im so stuck,would love to talk to you xx

Do not give up girl, it is not easy but you do need to find withinh yourself a reason to figth, a reason to regain control of your life through other methods. <br />
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Anorexia scares me. I worry about my daughter sometimes but I though she was too young, but knowing that you have battle with it since you were 5 has really scare me ... a lot !!!

I undestand completely& I am going thru exactly the same thing right now!<br />
I am so exhausted but I cannot sleep. But, i have to go rest at least for ne, but please do make contact & I am sending up prayers for you right now!

I know how you feel, coz I am going through it too, I wish I could stop this somehow,haven't got energy or motivation. I want to try to beat it just for the people I love, think of someone you love and do it for them and yourself and never try to harm yourself

God bless,your life is meant for so much more, i hope you can find away to stop .