My Problem, Still Occuring

My problem started in 7th grade. I was in middle school, there weren't people watching your every move, my younger sister was no longer with me to tattle on me. I had basically no friends and most of all I felt like I was the fattest person in the world. I started skipping lunches, then, because everyone was out of the house before me, I"d skip breakfast too. Whenever I could I'd skip dinners, not realizing what I was doing in my ignorence. I just kept driving forward by the thought that I was so freaking fat. It just kept on continuing. By the time 8th grade came around I had friends, they told me to stop but their efforts wasted in vain. for about half a year I did eat quite a bit, I started gaining weight, my friends were finally happy with me, but I wasn't. I saw this as a sign of weakness, that summer I went back to my old ways only worse, my dad was basically never home. Not that he gave a crap about me anyways. I never returned phone calls, I isolated myself and that was it. Throughout the whole thing I thought I had no friends, one of them managed to contact me though, she wanted to hang out. We went out to eat together, she inquired why I was wearing a sweatshirt in June, I simply told her I was cold. She asked me to take it off anyways and I did. She was shocked, apparently I looked sick. I was offended, the only way I looked sick was if I was too fat. She told me I had to stop right now, I just ignored her. I should have heeded her advice but I was not going to, she got help for me instead, I had no choice. I was later admitted to the hospital at 5 foot 5 weighing 95 pounds, not horribly underweight but still. this still did not help me, I am now a sophomore in high school and I still don't have control, nor do I feel like I want it quite yet. I've only grown 2 more inches but I think I"m done growing. my weight is getting lower I just hope nobody notices. right now I"m 5 foot 7 and I weigh 103 pounds and just trying to go down about 5 to 8 pounds. I am so fat I really need to lose this weight
sugarcollie sugarcollie
22-25, F
4 Responses Mar 20, 2009

Thank you for your comment, I'm a swimmer, if I do another sport on top of that I might die.<br />
Recently something has happened to me. to avoid the awkward comments on my weight I started eating but then throwing it up I couldn't take the awful feeling of food in my stomache, I know this is wrong but I can't seem to help it anymore. I'm afraid of getting fat.

I guess I forgot to add I am vegetarian....also, I'm on swim team, it takes everything I've got to keep swimming...Thank you both for your comments I will try my best to follow your advice though it is very hard for me to do

You probably need psychiatric help, dear. You sound depressed. You could be getting attention for your wonderful personality than the fact that you are sick. You are good enough and smart enough to make better choices. Throw that scale away and forget about clothes sizes. You are only making yourself sick. Not eating is not the way. You can exercise too. You will eventually wear a hole in your stomach. Once you do get past this you will feel better. The longer you make yourself sick and not get help, you will regret later becasue your body will ache and you will feel worse. <br />
Time seems to crawl in your teenage years. Life will speed up and you will move forward. You will look back on this someday and it will all be over. <br />
I think it would be a great idea if you spoke to other teens about your eating disorder.<br />
There is help, I can tell you want it.

I too had an eating disorder and went to hospital because i would always collapse. Every time i think about what i went through I would not want anyone else to go through the same. I still am concious about my weight but I eat a lot better then I used to. I just started to eat healthy foods and sometimes snack on a junk food on the weekend. <br />
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Eat lots of fish fruit vegies nuts and grains and drink lots of water. And if you want to grow taller play sport (basketball) which you can only do if you are eating well so you have the energy. <br />
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You are still so very young so please eat well and be happy that you are as I am sure a beautiful young smart girl.