Well, Not Anymore...

Everytime I look at my experience list I see this group and I feel some what less than honest. while it is true I was anorexic: I no longer am.

For me weight has always been a sensitive topic. Most of my extended family is overweight, and many have died from the results of obesity. During my junior year of collage I became quite ill. I lost 20lbs in less than 3 weeks. When I went home for the weekend people didn't recognize me. Honestly it felt good. Wel, I returned to school with a new motivation to lose even more weight. I lived in a dorm, so I just basically quit going to the dining hall to eat. By the end of the semester I have gone from a size 14 to a size 6.

I watched what I ate and life continued on for several years. About a year after my daughter was born I began to "feel" fat. I began to extremely resrict what I ate. If I ate what other would counsider kids portions I would force myself to puke. I lied about when and what I ate. I hid underneath big layered clothes. At my smallest I was wering a size 12--little girls size 12. (I am 5'7".

My husband finally checked me into an eating disorder hospitfood issues. It was the beginning of a great turn around. You see, I eventually learned that the eating issues were not really food issues at all. They were control issues. This was one issue I had ultimate control over. NOONE could make me eat. If by chance they did make me feel obligated to eat NOONE could make me keep it down. My counselor often told me the onl fat about me was my eys.

Some people believe that you can never get over an eating disorder. I guess I don't know if that is true or not. I do know that I am now dieting to lose weight at the Drs orders. I do know that I decided food was a good thing.

I know that I wasted several years "controling" this. I lost the ability to have another child. I allianated friends. I put my family through endless agony.

If controlling your food is becaoming your obssesion please get help. Don't let this monster rob you of the things I allowed it to take from me.


ColorMeReal ColorMeReal
41-45, F
5 Responses Oct 19, 2007

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I feel inspired.... to not give in to the monster in my mind that threatens to grow.<br />
Thank you for sharing.<br />

Your story has given me hope that someday I will be able to overcome anorexia. Thank you for posting!


That's truly inspirational, thank you! I'm surprised nobody else has commented on this!!! I know it was long ago, but how are you feeling now?<br />