I Am Anti-social
Shy, Awkward, Anti Social Person Working With People All Day.
By:
athion64
Written on February 7th, 2013
I am currently 20 years old and about to be 21 next month. I have never had a girlfriend and at the moment I do not have any close friends. I work at a busy call center where to my surprise I was recently promoted to supervisor. Now I have to work with people on and off the phone. The type of calls we do are scripted so there really isn't any real interaction going on, which is why i managed to stay at that job for a very long time.
The real problem I am now having is managing 30+ plus employees when I am this really awkward and non social person, i have no idea how i am going to be able to keep interpersonal relationships with the other employees. I used to just go to work, get on the phone, and get out without really talking to coworkers. I now have to manage them and somehow be this confident, outgoing, talkative supervisor.
I have trouble speaking to people I tend to choke a lot and I also have trouble maintaining eye contact, basically i am very self conscious. When i try to tell a joke or a story i cant really get beyond 2 sentences when i start chocking and often times they see me struggling so they either help me find the words or end up interrupting me.
Sometimes i have the feeling that I creep people out because I cant maintain a proper conversation, eye contact and from time to time I become completely silent, I just cant find anything to say.
On Saturday night I am left alone to manage a shift from noon till 12:00am, the past three Saturdays have been the most physiologically painful experiences of my life. I become extremely nervous, my whole body starts to shiver, I feel cold, and very tense but somehow I manage to keep enough focus to get the job done. I keep telling myself that this is only the regular nervousness that comes with a promotion but sometimes I become so overwhelmed that I wish I could just jump out the window and ended all. However, no one is making me do this but my self, I accepted the promotion for the reason that I wanted to break out of my shell and It has helped me a lot so far to talk more.
Now I fear people are starting to catch on, on what a weirdo I am and soon they might realize that I have no social life or had any relationships its an irrational fear as I shouldn't really care what they think, but I cant help too.
I just don't know how to lose this awkwardness, this way of living with no social, not being able to keep eye contact, not being able to keep conversations. Words cannot really express what I am going through, I fear that if I don't fix this soon I will have an embarrassing mental break down at work and complete become anti social, I fear that will not be able to bear that.
This is just how I feel at the moment and thought Id share it, this my first post.
The real problem I am now having is managing 30+ plus employees when I am this really awkward and non social person, i have no idea how i am going to be able to keep interpersonal relationships with the other employees. I used to just go to work, get on the phone, and get out without really talking to coworkers. I now have to manage them and somehow be this confident, outgoing, talkative supervisor.
I have trouble speaking to people I tend to choke a lot and I also have trouble maintaining eye contact, basically i am very self conscious. When i try to tell a joke or a story i cant really get beyond 2 sentences when i start chocking and often times they see me struggling so they either help me find the words or end up interrupting me.
Sometimes i have the feeling that I creep people out because I cant maintain a proper conversation, eye contact and from time to time I become completely silent, I just cant find anything to say.
On Saturday night I am left alone to manage a shift from noon till 12:00am, the past three Saturdays have been the most physiologically painful experiences of my life. I become extremely nervous, my whole body starts to shiver, I feel cold, and very tense but somehow I manage to keep enough focus to get the job done. I keep telling myself that this is only the regular nervousness that comes with a promotion but sometimes I become so overwhelmed that I wish I could just jump out the window and ended all. However, no one is making me do this but my self, I accepted the promotion for the reason that I wanted to break out of my shell and It has helped me a lot so far to talk more.
Now I fear people are starting to catch on, on what a weirdo I am and soon they might realize that I have no social life or had any relationships its an irrational fear as I shouldn't really care what they think, but I cant help too.
I just don't know how to lose this awkwardness, this way of living with no social, not being able to keep eye contact, not being able to keep conversations. Words cannot really express what I am going through, I fear that if I don't fix this soon I will have an embarrassing mental break down at work and complete become anti social, I fear that will not be able to bear that.
This is just how I feel at the moment and thought Id share it, this my first post.
By:
athion64
Age:
18-21
,
Male
