I Have Almost Zero Empathy So How Do I Help People?

    I have almost zero empathy so how do I relate to people?
I believe I have BPD based on what I’ve researched. However, I have not been diagnosed as I believe I have learned to control it in some way, since I was very little.
To tell you about the real me, I have very little empathy for anyone. I have always been judging people I meet & around me, but I think this is well hidden since I am always well liked and thought of as witty & funny. To me, people are mostly puzzles
What kind of judgments do I make? Mainly analysis of their behaviour or appearance. Eg a fat person, I don’t really want to be around with for long as I think they spend a lot of their time with things that concern food (whether where to get it, how to prepare it, or the aftermath of having too much of it. Tiresome). Or if someone tells me about their problem, no time for a bit of reflective listening to soothe their emotions at least. I’m straight to the point of offering a solution thinking all the while of, ‘The solution is so obvious! There, now leave me alone.’  But since I think I come across as sympathetic, people still keep coming to me with their issues! As I’ve said, I’ve had a long experience of keeping my BPD (concentrated on sociopathy, I think) hidden from others.
However, this control has come at a cost, of distancing myself emotionally from others. Or is there anything there to begin with :-) ?
This is an issue for me now, as I am trying to establish a business. As any successful business person knows, a lot of that success comes from being able to see the market’s need/want. But how can anyone see this problem or absence of solution? Or would the better question be, how does anyone develop empathy?
Putting myself in their shoes doesn’t work. When I try that, if I can see the solution right away, I just do it, no fuss. If I don’t immediately see the solution, I leave it until an opportunity to solve it presents itself.
Maybe I didn’t explain myself well enough for a reader to see how much I want to solve this issue (as I’ve said, I have a problem with empathy ). However, if you think I need to elaborate on something for you to be to maybe point me to a direction to find a solution, let me know and I will try to reply quickly.
Thanks for reading
emphathyless emphathyless
46-50, F
2 Responses May 11, 2012

Sorry, I disagree with a lot of your premise here.<br />
My antisocial behaviour is due to not being interested in what is on offer (topic, the people discussing it, whatever). <br />
I am quite engrossed in my personal pursuits.<br />
Don't get me wrong, I do feel good when I help someone, once or twice.<br />
After I 'prove' my effectiveness, people then keep coming to me. <br />
I think they think it's easier for someone else to think for them.<br />
That was when I start pushing people away.<br />
Now I know, that in a business world, this is exactly what creates success. Getting people to come to you for answers all the time.<br />
So need to adapt brain to that, I suppose.

Antisocial behavior is fearing people's judgement.<br />
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I understood why I was to distant from others when I realized what I was doing was not only cruel, but was the main cause of my behavior. <br />
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In a quick glace: your brain can't differentiate (in the part of the brain that actually does the action) between the fear of judgement, or judging. It's complicated, but your brain is divided into parts and if once thought reoccurs often enough (by thought I mean brain processes) then the links get strong and you become better at such. My antisocial behavior caused me to hate groups discussions and the such. Not only did I hate the transformation of people into professional actors, but performing the act myself caused a lot of self-judgment. <br />
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On an other not, why are you here? You seek immediate help and solutions. People all seek help from someone knowing the answer that's why people come to you. Don't judge a lager person or a depressed person because they in our way of seeing are hurting themselves. The truth is, by judging your only encouraging the person's behavior and if you don't speak out that judgment your only deepening your own hole. Think positively about the fact that people think you have solutions.