Again

Yes, i do realise that this is my second post in this group... but i have some things to say in hindsight.

    Thanky you to everyone who responded to my first post, i appreciate it, sincerely.

    Then again, in hindsight, that post was less than desirable. Reading it again i was pretty whiny about stuff and i want to sincerely apologise to anyone that got pissed off by it. I try and take my writing seriously.
   
    Alright, most of the advice I got was not optimistic to say the least... I hoped that it was something of 'a phase' that i would grow out of sooner or later. Apparently not. Bleah 

    Other advice included being confident and well, i guess it helped to some extent. This is where my story comes in.

    My class was conducting chemistry experiments in preparation for exams and stuff. There were four people per bench. A particular lady (girl?) that caught my eye was on the next bench. We have had contact before and I feel less awkward about her. But like everyone else, she probably assumes i'm tacit to a fault and doesn't initiate much contact with me.

    I hate it when people try and talk to me and well, i can't think of anything else to say. See, they start conversations in hopes (i hope) of a decent conversation with me. The problem is, that i really can't think of anything to say once its over.

    Exemplis Gratia: Him/Her: Hey, do you watch Heroes (TV serial)
                                       Me: Uh.... No.
                                   Awkward Silence.....
   
    That's it. In hindsight i have regretted not continuing such conversations. who knows what i could learn from then, new relationships (romantic or no) that could stem from then. I get angry with myself afterward for being such a ........ nevermind, i digress.

    Basically, her bunsen burner was on. There are two outlets on each gas tap, only one is in use most of the time, connected to a Bunsen burner. Through some freak accident, her unused gas tap was open and had ignited. Yellow flames were bursting out of the outlet like some mini-flamthrower. It wasn't very much, the flames blew about 5 centimetres from the tap and ended there.

    Well, i walked over to check on the commotion. In hindsight i wish i had done something cool like rush over to the main gas inlet and pulled it shut. But generally all that happened was me saying something like "I think we should kill the main gas". I suppose I'm not to blame but still.....

    One of my close friends actually used his bare fingers to poke the gas outlet tap closed. Now, that would have earned me some points but it seems like something really stupid to do, short of roasting off your own digits.

    In the aftermath, i walked over to her. She was pretty calm, not freaked or anything (that's one of the things i like about her). I suppose i could have said something, ANYTHING better than what i did which was say with a silly grin "Huh, that isn't going to score you any bonus points in your 'O' levels" maybe she found it tasteless, I'm sure I do, and so, the comment was left hanging in the air while i buggered off to finish my experiments.

    By the way, the confidence thing works okay. When i try to start a conversation, my Brain simply goes blank. Yet, some part of me goes on autopilot and manages to focus on the task at hand.
typeyourname typeyourname
18-21, M
2 Responses Jun 28, 2007

I dunno.... I suppose I am being critical about things... I usually am. I like to be in control i guess, knowing what's going on. I suppose one of my failings is that when it comes to other people, the ball really isn't in my court anymore so I tend to judge for a worst-case scenario

I think you might be a little hard on yourself. It seems you think that everything you say is stupid, but really its not. If you talk at all people at least know you are trying to engage them. Often times people can think that someone being terse is because they are arrogant, or think that they are too good for everyone else. Relax a bit and conversation may come easier.