Defence

im bitchy, rude, downright offensive, avoidant, unaffectionate and silently moody. this is all because im trying to defend myself. cos i know what im like. if i wore my heart on my sleeve, everyone would break it. everyone. so i pretend to them and myself that i dont care. but i do really. and if you get close enough, you'll notice im a total walk over. although i am kinda trying to remedy that.
piggygoff piggygoff
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 4, 2007

I think you're right to defend yourself like that, but not all the time. This world isn't full of people out to get you, like some of us think. You should express yourself a little more and get to know people, then maybe that "wall" as you describe it will break one day. I used to have the same problem you do, and sometimes still do. But in the end you can find a way to break the wall. The world isn't all bad and you don't have to block out everyone. This is the only chance you get to enjoy it, so express yourself. :D

I guess sometime I don't realise how was lucky I was to find someone who stuck around long enough to get through, but I think constant and maggie pie are right. It is a very lonely place behind my wall sometimes.<br />
- RDW

i hate to differ with driftwood, however, building up that wall and living in that manner for so many years will make it terribly difficult to break through when you do find someone worthy of taking a chance on. it's inevitable that you WILL find someone. generally people with walls who've found someone they want to break it down for find their efforts to reach out ineffective because they are sooooo used to their protected ways. when the other party realizes they cannot break through they begin to feel like the protected person isn't trying as hard as they are if at all. at this point they usually run away ... i speak from experience. :-( you don't have to build up a wall in order to not wear your heart on your sleeve ...

I under that need for a brick wall. It can make living life that much easier just to keep them all out. I hope that you find someone worthy enough to get to the other side of that wall.