Let Me Count the Reasons

There are so many reasons to keep to one's self.  I'm able to count well beyond the fingers and toes I have yet am unsure I could list every possible reason for being antisocial.

Personally, I find antisocial behavior easier in my 'situation' despite the fact that I was once very sociable and outgoing.  For me it's easier to avoid interaction with others so I don't have to repeat my 'story', have to listen to every one's ideas and sure fire cures, or continue to report the same when asked how I'm feeling.  People get tired of hearing that you're not well and I suspect the majority would much rather you lie to them and tell them you're, "GREAT!" as you smile real big making sure to show every pearly white, hoping no one can see through you.

I've always been transparent.  I was never one who was able to successfully pull off a lie.  So, when you ask me how I am, please know I'm going to give you the truth rather than an automated, socially acceptable response.

I also tend to avoid social situations so as to avoid 'chit chat' ... you know ... that polite conversation you make with virtual strangers, family and friends just to pass the time and make all present comfortable.  I have a very difficult time with meaningless conversation.  It's something I've never mastered and don't care to.

I go as far as to avoid interaction with those I know and love also.  I hate to see the sadness in their eyes when they realize I'm doing no better than I was the last time they saw me despite all their 'prayers' and so on.  It makes me feel that I'm letting them down ... as if I can personally do anything about it other than lie to them. 

I just don't have the energy it takes to 'deal' with people.  Not that they are all awful or need to be dealt with, but there's a level of energy one must have in order to put on that smile you yourself aren't convinced of, in order to maintain conversation you could care less about and in order to keep appearances status quo.  You also have to have a great deal of energy to listen to them go on endlessly about things that make no difference in this lifetime or things that make no sense.  I simply do NOT have it!  I spend all my energy on healing; body, mind and soul.  Maybe that's selfish of me, focusing on myself.  But that's fine by me. 

Since the RSD I've discovered just how much patience I truly have which is far beyond what it once was.  I never was a patient person beforehand, however, I had to be patient when I had to depend on others to help me.  Conversely I also discovered how 'bottom line' I am and I don't care for fluff, just cut to the point, please.  You wouldn't be able to tell that about me considering how verbose I am when typing, however, it's the truth in a real life conversational setting.  I want the bottom line and I want it quickly, please don't make me wait! 

Maybe I'm lacking something ...  Perhaps it has nothing to do with RSD and everything to do with how I'd have ended up to be anyhow.  I'm unsure.  I do know, however, that I have a multitude of excuses I pull from to keep me out of trouble when I skip a function and it seems I've worn them out already.  Time to come up with new excuses I suppose.  It seems after some time people simply accept that you won't show up despite your best intentions or desire to and they begin to invite you less.  They begin to make excuses for you.  *shrugs*  I can't blame them.  I really don't even have to provide an excuse any more ... it's just a given that I won't show up and if I do it's a MAJOR deal to everyone there.  *hip hip hooray - with sarcasm*

Why is it that lying is considered unacceptable except when in a social situation?  You aren't allowed to say, "I don't want to attend because I don't care for the people who will be there."  You can't say, "I've not been feeling well and I simply don't want to come as I'd rather stay home and rest."  NO!  You MUST say things like, "I'm sorry I will miss this event.  It's just that I've been so ill lately and I am still recovering and would hate to think anyone else got sick because of me."  or  "You know I simply can't make it on that day.  It seems I have something else going on that I MUST not miss.  I hope you can understand."

And why are people so darned persistent?  Can't they take the hint?  Dear GAWD just leave me be, please!  In 3.5 years of being antisocial I can only give you two instances where I was truly thankful for their persistence in getting me out of the house.  That's SAD!

AbbyNormal AbbyNormal
31-35, F
2 Responses Aug 27, 2007

You made me chuckle, Deb! Thank you.<br />
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Em, I love the quote and I'm sure I'll have to use it. It's too witty not to.

When you get tired of being asked how you're doing, use my Boss' exasperating answer: WITHOUT, MOSTLY! lol. People don't know how to respond to that! And the deep thinkers are trying to figure out what the "WITHOUT"s might be! ;)