I Am Lesbian(sorry Not Asexual) But I Am Ready To Live The Life Of An Asexual If I Can Find A Man Who's Ready To Get Involved In A Relationship Which Is Not Sexual; Is It Possible?

I am in despair; on the verge of depression.
If anybody could help me i would be immensely grateful.
First of all i am not an asexual but a lesbian. I've turned out 18 this year. It took me many years to learn and accept that I am like this. Yet, i am adamant: i do not want to lead the life of a lesbian. I am not homophobic. I totally approve those who decide to live a homosexual life if this is how they can find happiness. Actually, i think that they are very courageous because i can assure you that you really need to have guts to take this decision. On the other hand i am lesbian but i cannot imagine my life with a woman. I've had so many dreams about having a husband; about being somebody's wife, to just turn the page - it's not only a part of my life, but my whole self that i would have to change!
I also don't care about having sex. Sexual pleasure is a momentary illusion and i am looking for something deeper and more 'permanent'.
Therefore, my only way is to get involved with a man who is asexual so that i am sure that he will not ask me for what i cannot give him.
Or, i could simply live in celibacy - but i refuse because this is not the image of life for me!And i badly need to live - i am tired of being a living corpse who's just waking up every morning because it's my duty. I want my dreams to come true and i want to LIVE!

If you have any comments to make; questions to ask; or the much desired - answers to grant, i would be most welcome and grateful to help and be helped.
MyBrokenDreams MyBrokenDreams
18-21, F
7 Responses Jul 21, 2010

Are u married ?

ammeste, just a helpful hint. If you do lack any sexual desire then whatever you do, please DO NOT get in a relationship unless they feel the same about sex. While it gives us the warm fuzzies to think that if we love somebody we will just naturally desire them sexually is not true. If a person has no sexual desire then being in love wont change that. Yes for a short time you may (very short) but after the whole newness thing wears off & life returns to a more normal state that will go away. In which case it will leave your partner feeling unloved, unwanted & undesired. It can do some SERIOUS emotional damage to them. <br />
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You seem like a nice person so I am sure you wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt somebody. There is a group here called I live in a sexless marriage. Read some of their post & see the emotional pain they endure by being married to somebody who lacks sexual desire. I am sure many of their spouses felt the same as you do, in that well if I am in love it will change. But not having sexual desire is a physical thing that has nothing to do with emotion. If you are asexual there is noting wrong with that. Please just don't hurt anybody who isn't the same.

I know how you feel...I'm a lesbian and am asexual too. I've too thought of marrying a gay guy just to have someone there and not have to do the sex stuff. Sex doesn't interest me..but women do. I love women, feel more emotionally connected to them than men, and think about them a lot and have the occassional sexual fantasy about someone I fancy at the time. It's a tough road coming out to yourself and others, but it is worth it in the long run..because you don't have to hide anymore. You can just be yourself...a lady loving girl. I believe aseuality is a hard thing but I think it is curable. If you find the right girl who is suportive and gives you time to go at your own pace, then there is no reason why you cannot enjoy sex with someone who you love.

It sounds by your post more like you are a bit confused rather than asexual. You are still very young & could be facing some medical issues I E hormone imbalance etc. If you truley are asexual then you could find somebody the same way. It will be difficult at your age but probably not impossible. First I would go to a medical expert to see if you have any medical issues before making any drastic moves. That isn't a critisim of you & I am not saying you are abnormal. Asexual people do exist. They tend to live in the shawdows more because society says there is something wrong with them. Any good therapist though will ALWAYS have medical issues checked before looking into any counseling. Couseling would be a good start though. Not because you are mentally ill but to help you cope with feelings you are having. Not wanting to even get out of the bed every day is a serious sign of depression. Whatever path life takes you I wish you the best.

You won't find what you want until you shed your sexual urges.<br />
I recommend a good OB-GYN to give you a total hysterectomy and remove your adrenal cortex, which will neuter you quite as well as these sad eunuchs here on the board.<br />
Why would a gelding want to take on intimate responsibility for a woman who WANTS to be neutered? <br />
Barring that he's trying to 'pass' as you so obviously are, he won't, even if he were paid to do it.<br />
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(note to the real asexuals here: This was intended as shock therapy, I don't actually think you are geldings or eunuchs, as this poor creature wants to be, I was pointing out that the disasterous nature of the course she has set for herself.)

I dont see this as working out for you. I cant imagine anyone, male or female would want a marriage without the sexual intercourse. Sexual Intercourse is healthy and neccesary, it bonds two people. Unless of course you just married a gay man and did your own things on the side...... but that also seems messy. <br />
Regardless, you are panicking. Why dont you just be still and do nothing for awhile and see how you feel in a couple of years. Best of luck to you.

I don't think you are straight or gay, you are looking for something much deeper in a person. I think you are asexual, since sex is not important to you. Nothing wrong with that at all !! You speak of living a life of celibacy but isn' t that what you are doing?Someone can love you and be in love with you and give you all those things you are so desperately looking for, is it that you believe that if you do express yourself intimately with someone it becomes not as permanent anymore? I'm a bit confused on how you see the relationship between sexual desire and love. I have sexual desire for my partner but I am also the one who wants to live my life with her by my side too, how much more permanent can you get. But there are no gurantees in life so roll the dice and see what happens. I think you should find other asexual people and find what you are looking for in life. Good Luck !!