She Is Asexual

I myself am not asexual, but I do have a story and a question.  I was dating a girl for a month and a half, she considered me her boyfriend.  She is 26 and a virgin.  I really fell for this girl, and she knew it, she had put a personal on craigslist, which is how I met her.  A few times I tried to kiss her but she resisted, so I took it slow, thought maybe that's what she wanted.  I finally kissed her on the lips on Christmas Eve, but she didn't kiss me back, so I asked her why she won't kiss me.  Other times I asked she just said she wasn't a good kisser but this time she said she doesn't like kissing and thinks it's awkward, she has thought that way for 10 years.  I asked her again on Christmas if something happened 10 years ago that made her feel that way, that's when she told me it wasn't going to work out between us, she told me she was asexual.  Honestly, I have never heard of asexual before, but I wish she would have told me earlier in the relationship because my heart was truly broken when she broke up with me, I really cared for this girl a lot.  She told me she put the ad on craigslist to see if she could change, but it didn't work.  I was basically used for an experiment, I am sensitive, so I was pretty upset and still am.  I do have a couple questions:  How does this happen, to become asexual?  Are asexual people happy?  Is there a way for someone who is asexual to become attracted to people?
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8 Responses Dec 27, 2007

asexuals are just the same as other people want to be acepted for who they are they 2 have feelings that people dnt understand i hate the cause you aromantic you cant date one no some aromantics do find they get lonely and still want aperson to share life with its not your fault that things happened the way thigs did wether she was asexual or she wasnt if she had just been with a normal sex drive and no lack of seual aatactons she could have still had the tought hat it isnt working out and that she wass going to leave you ok ou ws hurt but be greaful she told you and not lead you into a life with kids or marriadge or pretended for even loger wthout you knowing its going to hurt but so is every break up no matter the orientaion

People "become" asexual via the same mechanisms through which others "become" heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, pansexual, and so on.<br />
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I'm sure some asexuals lead miserable lives, and others are high on life. Just like with any other orientation. <br />
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There is no more way to "make" an asexual sexually attracted to other people than there is to make a heterosexual male attracted to women, or a homosexual woman to men.<br />
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Also. Asexuality is not a lack of a sex drive. It is not a lack of a desire for sex (though these almost always accompany it).<br />
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It is a lack of sexual ATTRACTION to either sex.<br />
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Many asexuals, myself included, do have a "drive", and we **********. Others do not. Nevertheless, it is clear that attraction and drive exist on two separate continuums.

Its not putting a label on a person,is more of an understanding as to why it didn't work out that way.

This is what upsets me about labels in our culture. She is a person and I am sure she has a name she identifies with. To be identified as a whole by a lable is just ridiculous. I refuse to be identified by my sexual preferences. Maybe that is or was the problem. Start seeing people as individuals. But don't blame yourself. Most people see others first by a label and later take the time to get to really know that person.

Just remember that it isn't all about you, this existsed long before you met her

A-sexual means that there is no physical attraction, it does begin with the brain and the rest is chemically induced. Whats missing is the particular geen that enables humans to have a sex drive. Can it be fixed? Unlikely. As for her using you, try and understand that she did try and she also chose you

It depends. I was part of a similar situation, only in this case I was the girl. A guy asked me out on a group date to the movies, and initially I hung out with him because he was a fun guy, and I wasn't sure if he was interested in me in a romantic sense. Once it became apparent that he was, and a lot of people kept asking us if we were dating, I finally told him that I considered myself asexual, and explained to him what it meant. I know it hurt him, and I was upset for causing him pain. But he decided he could try being friends with me, which I was worried about, but decided to try. A few months later, once we'd gotten closer as friends, he asked me out again. So we tried again. And we've been together for 15 months. It was a gradual process to begin a physical relationship, and for the first few months after it started I was fairly neutral on the subject. At this time I've developed what I consider a fairly low sex drive, but it's still there. <br />
So no, it can't necessarily be fixed, but in my case there was a guy who was stubborn enough to try again. And I liked him enough to try it out, and got myself in the mindset for it, I suppose.

not haveing sexual attraction to other people isn't nessaraly a medical problem that can be fixed<br><br />
just like homosexuality can't be fixed medicaly