Something Is Missing That I Don't Miss

I've hesitated to put this is writing, but here goes.

I'm asexual.

I'm just not interested.  I'm not totally sure if this is a physical thing or psychological.  But it really doesn't matter to me.

How can I miss what I'm missing?  Without a desire for sex, it's hard for me to care that I have no desire for sex.

I know there are people who think I should be fixed.  Maybe given some sort of supplements or hormones to create a sexual desire.  But I like my life the way it is.  I don't want to change.

ag123 ag123
45 Responses Feb 6, 2008

No amount of supplements can change how we feel. Glad you know yourself that is a beginning to happiness. :)

Noreen.....I think if you'd have read a newspaper or watched TV in the last few years you would have learned that celibacy in the church is one of the biggest lies of the last millenium...OUR local priest died of AIDS....last I heard you don't get that from celibacy, OK?
As for your assertion that there have been sex studies done on nuns and priests...well, just ROFLMAO. Yeah, you can make up **** online and fool naive, unsophisticated people and you can find "studies" to support any crazy idea you may want to promulgate but inconvenient FACTS get in the way....why don't you make a little footnote and give us a look at your "studies"?

Here's one of the studies I was thinking of:

It's a study of longevity in cloistered populations of monks and nuns. They definitely live longer than people who live ordinary sexual lives. There are other studies to support these findings.

Where did you get the idea that people who have sex live longer than people who don't?

Uh, celibacy takes YEARS off of your should all consider seeing an Endicrinologist and find out if it's just a hormonal imbalance....c' is awesome fun.

Actually, sartrewasright, fairly famous studies of nuns and monks have shown that celibacy adds a considerable number of years (generally) to their lives, compared with people who are sexually active. Make of that what you may.

I feel the EXACT same way... I think you just confirmed this for me..

i am asexual too good for you people should accept its a part of who you are if they dont thats thir problem not yours

You go girl. Sex is not essential and always comes with a lot of before and after dramas and for a few minutes of supposed sensation I dont think it is worth it.<br />
It is in my opinion very much like the old arguement that says a women isnt complete unless she has kids.<br />
Fortunately society is coming around to letting that become more acceptable so more women can be honest about it.<br />
Good on ya for being honest and open about what I suspect is far more common than will eer be admitted to.

I am Androgyne but Asexual too. I just could do without the whole sexual thing. I'd rather share an evening sitting and talking or watching a good movie than doing the funga-lunga, to me its over with in a short period of time and you both secretly wonder if you fulfilled the others needs. Doubt and more doubt and then discussion about then issues about it, no thanks, I can do without all that. I would rather have a good friend that I can count on than someone who expects me to fulfill the need. Sex can happen anywhere with anyone but a good friend is a treasure and one that will most likely last a lifetime.

well what's the harm in that? we're all created different right? :) in our society the norm of life is so hypersexed it's disgusting and unhealthy. <br />
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I know that after my separation which was harrowing, in many respects and during the heavy phase of my depression/anxiety I had no sexual desire, just wasn't there. It's life. I know that supposedly our sexuality is cyclical and it depends on endless factors , so the experts' say. I think that no one is a better expert on you than you. If it's not broken why fix it? <br />
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Hugs to you and it takes real courage to come and be honest in front of the world, so I salute you for that!

If you're comfortable with yourself, that's all that matters. If something happens to change it, then it does. I was completely asexual until I met my current boyfriend, who has gradually influenced me to gain somewhat of a sex drive. It's still what I consider very low, but it's a change nonetheless. Though I don't believe in the argument that "you just haven't found the right person yet", there was some truth to it in my case.

brilliantblue -- I think that it's really important to have at least one period in our lives where we are independent and happy living alone. When we can relate well to ourselves, then relating to others is a piece of cake.

wrongboy -- I can be jealous of other things, though.

So does not having sexual desire, mean that you never feel jealous?

So does not having sexual desire, mean that you never feel jealous?

That's an interesting question. As someone who is really not sure how to handle having zero desire. I'm so tired of feeling like there's something wrong with me. I've spent nights crying about it. Everything was fine until I gave birth to my first son. After that, I never wanted sex again. I've asked doctors and they all say that it's pretty normal.

I can tell you that if my husband were to have an affair, I'm not sure if I would really be upset. I think I'd almost be relieved. Isn't that horrible?!! And, what's even more horrible is that I'd be afraid that he would leave and I don't think I could support our household myself, so we'd likely lose our home and money would be even tighter than it is now.

That's completely selfish. I know it is.

JJ -- You'll never catch me for an intervention. I'm on the run and looking over my shoulder.

JustJessie -- DP and I are joined at the mouth.<br />
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Silver01ta -- We all have things that excite us, motivate us, and give our lives meaning. It's just not the same for everyone. Thanks for understanding.

Wow, this is crazy, but I see nothing wrong with you. Some people just dont have that drive in them. <br />
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Personally, Im addicted to vagina... its like my crack. I cant put it down!

JJ -- It's like asking if I'll start liking Pepsi? I don't right now, and it's hard to imagine, but I realize that a serious trauma to my tongue could change all that.

NoMoreLove -- That's the way I read it, too.

The comment was not directed at you Alan.

NoMoreLove -- I haven't joined the Sexless Marriage group, because I don't identify with the people there, who seem to not like the fac that their marriage is Sexless.

Nice LilAnnie...a "pity fest" in the sexless marriage group?

redholly -- Thank you. I'm becoming better at being me all the time.<br />
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LilAnnie -- I'm sorry to hear that your husband isn't rolling around the muck with you.

And good luck in your non-pursuit. All's fair.

What I have is me, still rolling around in the muck and mire of the stuff of life, and my lofty husband, above it all, feeling sorry for me. Most days, thanks to my age, I can find humor in it. Other days, I resent the hell out of him. And would love to hurl a big messy mud ball at him!

LilAnnie -- It would be ideal if the asexuals were in sexless marriages, and the sexuals were in sex filled marriages.<br />
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We can only do the best we can with what we have. Good luck in your pursuit.

I've wandered over here from the sexless marriage experience. Yeah. I'm one of those endless whiners....its a pity fest over there. Much more dignified to be asexual, I think.

LilAnnie -- I'm married, and it works out in that context. I usually don't talk a lot about my marriage on EP.

You don't mention a partner. You sound like a stand up guy. So I probably don't need to urge you to be honest about your sexuality with anyone you date. Otherwise, the potential for heartache is huge.

Journeywithin -- There are limitless things you can do with your time and energy. Sex is only one of many options, and definitely not necessary.

I do not have the need or the desire for sex for a long time now. My marriage was based on sex and nothing else. Now that I am older I feel like I can live without it cause I do not feel like I am missing anything.

strangeone -- I find your perspective interesting and helpful. I'm not offended at all. I enjoy hearing an outside perspective.<br />
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As you can imagine, this isn't something I discuss in the real world.

strangeone -- I'm pretty happy with the way things are. I hope nothing happens to change that.<br />
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I theoretically understand why I should want this, but I don't feel that want at any level.

strangeone -- Good point. I never really thought to bring it to a doctor's attention. It's that whole concept of not missing what I'm missing. But what you say makes sense. Maybe there is something physical going on that I don't know about.

Syndala -- Not that there is anything with wrong with not being rich and famous. We all have to do what is right for us.<br />
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strangeone -- I agree that there is probably a physical cause to this. It doesn't seem to be how humans evolved. From what I've seen from my last physical, I appear to be in excellent health.

Meh-to each his own. Everyone is different and not having much desire for sex just leaves room for other passions in your life.<br />
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Geez-that must be why I'm not rich and famous! ;)

MrPrinceton -- I used to have a sex drive, so I remember what it was like. It can take up a lot of mental space.

SFM -- Yes, it does allow for other things to not be stuck on sex.<br />
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Celainn -- I'm not really big into following the directions of society. I have lots of desires, just not sexual desires right now.

I find it most frustrating actually, because I don't feel it with my husband, sadly, but the "outlet" is no longer available.(Although there is someone in the cyberworld who makes me feel that way too.)<br />
It would certainly be more convenient if I lost my desire.

I believe there is a certain freedom that comes from not being occupied with constant desire. I enjoy sex, but I don't need sex.

lostbird -- It's great that you found someone to help recover that part of yourself.<br />
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In my case, I have no desire to recover it.

I thought I was more or less asexual until I found somebody who made me feel very sexual indeed. How I miss it now its been taken away.<br />
I'm not trying to fix you by saying this btw.

swittersblues -- Thanks for your comment and support.<br />
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I know it seems like a little thing, but I was hesitant to admit this for some reason. It's one of those things some people seem to not understand. Or they want to fix me somehow. I'm not looking to be fixed.

bluegeorgia -- I can't figure out why I'm not running the world yet. It seems like I should be by this point.

I can not relate but without sexual desire I would probably be running the world right now instead of sitting here wishing I was getting some.

adandymess -- I'm guilty of wanting to fix other people in some ways, so I can see your point here.