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I Think I'm Asexual Now

I 'm not sure , i'm confused actually , I was staright when I was with my ex . he cheated me, abused me, raped ( ? ) me, He gave all wrong information about him , I would not stay with him , rather cut the realtion from the begining if I knew he was a professional cheater  and so many.......he forced me to have sex, ( but I didn't let him at the end )......... the thing is he did all without my  " proper " concent . Any kind of sexual harassment without someone's will  or  concent  is rape, no matter which part of ur body is involved in it. So in that sence I was raped. Now I feel I have lost my sexual orientation  .I feel my sentiment matches with girls ( not all girls ), so I feel better talking with girls , they can understand me, they are caring, but I never fantasize about women body, and I feel odd thinking about women touches me, or something like that. At the same time I don't feel any attraction towards any guys. I'm scared of any kind of physical relation because of the damage caused by my ex.  I feel lack of interest in it.  I think i'll be asexual the rest of my life . So, Is it  like that  i'm changed from straight  to asexual ???  I'm not waiting for any " right " person ( guy ) who can bring me back where I was .I don't know whether he would be able to change me to straight girl  ???  I'm not sure.......
richa12345678 richa12345678 22-25, F 10 Responses May 12, 2011

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Richa, Don't give up on the best gift given by the Gods...love. Never give any person enough power to make you never want to love again. God bless and may you find spiritual, mental, and physical healing on your journey. God bless you! SelfLove

thank you :)

Richa, Know that you are capable of being free of what happened in the past and your trauma. Do some meditation, pranayama. Do an Art of Living/YES+ course in your city. You will find yourself renewed and cleansed of your experience. There is much love left to share.<br />
<br />
Best, Puck.

thank you :)

@morningshine --- that's what i really need , i know , but this site and you guys also helped me a lot , its huge for me , i'm much better because of you ppl here , just because your msg ....thank you :)))

=hugs= I think you are just in trauma from past experiences with ex. You need to get help from psychiatrist to overcome your fears.

@ RonMcDon-- how could one guarantee husband will not be like him ?? Is it a machine , when we sign on that paper of marriage , just after we have a feelings for him , or you mean just practice "love" ....i mean just because he had a good business , good look , and some other outwords things , i married him , what is the guarantee those conditions can make me feel for him ? So , how can i marry without feelings ? i need to start kissing just because we are married .....and so on......What will you suggest if after marriage it is found husband ( i am telling husband as i am girl , same or other side also ) having multiple sex partners ( if that is not agreed by the other side ) ???<br />
I "should" live with him the rest of my life ?? Or take divorce ? Then also i may have the same problem , what will you suggest for that ? Its so great that you have meet GOD , What did he exactly tell you ? <br />
As far as i feel these all "rules" are created by religion and society which is subject to change with the century !!!

In my opinion, this is one of the reasons why God told us all to wait until we are married to the one we love. Oh, well.

Sexyloved is right. Like I always say, you really need some therapy to deal with what happened to you. You can put it behind you and move on and enjoy lie or you can dwell on it and let it cloud the rest of your life. I don't think you are asexual.

thanks...okay

@Sexyloved-- hmm...

@ TheThird.......Yeah..I'm tramatized . That's true. Well , only looks ( outwards attractiveness ) is not the first factor to me. It's his attitude, behavior, mentality, looks,...overall turned me on. I was attracted to my ex when I was with him. I know I was straight. But I think i'll be traumatized the rest of my life. idk....

In my opinion, you are confusing many things. First of all, I think you are traumatized. That is different and separate from being asexual. Second, before you had a relationship with your ex, did you get turned on or aroused when you saw an attractive man? If you did, then I think you are sexual. If you did not feel sexually excited, then you might be somewhere on the asexual spectrum.