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Always Alone.

When I was at school, I was always different to everybody else.  I didn't grow and I didn't go through puberty.  I was later found to have a brain tumour and this caused me to be asexual and I was told I would never be able to have children.  I have no sexual feelings at all.  People don't get it.  They say that one day I will find a partner.  No I won't - I am going to be alone all my life.  I mean, it is unlikely that I will find a partner who doesn't want sex isn't it?

I was never bothered about the situation really until a few weeks ago.  For many years, I have been caring for my mum who had lung disease but a few weeks ago, she died and now I feel really alone.  I have 2 sisters but they have partners and families.  The worst thing is, that people with partners and families just don't include me.  I don't fit in because I am always on my own.  Everybody seems to have somebody, whether it's a child or a partner or both but I am alone and always will be.  In a way, I wish I was "normal" but in another way, I don't want to all of a sudden have sexual feelings after so long.  People with partners have somebody to share the bills with and somebody to care about them, but now my mum has died I have nobody.

Not a lot is heard about asexuality in the press or on TV so people don't understand it.  I wish more people understood because then perhaps I wouldn't feel so alone.

rintyg rintyg 36-40 6 Responses Apr 19, 2008

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You know what wonderful? You can not be alone. You can do amazing things, work with animals, homeless, childre. Go to south America and start up an orphanage. Travel the world, spread your story and love people. Have passions. All is not lost. And you are never alone, you are loved.

sorry to hear about your mum welcome to my world im asexual dont have a brain tumour no partner no family and no friends add me if you wish

Sorry for the loss of your beloved Mum. It is hard to find someone like what we are. I am Androgyne and Asexual but to explain that to anyone is like talking Quantum Mechanics to a four year old---they just don't get it. I have given up and unless I'm ask point blank (Whats wrong with you?) I don't say a thing. It is a long row to sew by ourselves but we must go on for no else is either able to do so. Look for other avenues of enjoyment--I know easier said than done but again it is to go on. I will be alone for the days I have left but I am not going to let this rule my life, there are things that need attending to and for me that gives purpose. I am able to move around, I have a friend who can't move, I thank above for my mobility and realise I could be worse off, in that context being alone doesn't seem to be so awful. Finally about it being in the News. News is so fickel now a days--5 minutes of fame then its over and I doubt there is more understanding of the situation after than before its brought up. Make yourself happy, no one can do that for you, we all have it with in, it just takes a different key to unlock but you do posess that key, believe it or not.

I'm in the same boat. Sometimes the loneliness threatens to overwhelm, but I find that even though I'll never have a soulmate, I do have many kindred spirits. Not that is much comfort ... you don't exactly grow old with kindred spirits. Meeting for coffee periodically, going on roadtrips, chatting on the phone and all of that doesn't quite fill the void.<br />
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I would love to have someone to spoon with in bed and talk to without there being any sexual hopes or expectations. <br />
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Ah well. I'm not willing to 'fake it' in order to have someone with me. It would be lovely if there was someone out there that I could be in a relationship with where neither one of us were making sacrifices. I don't want to subject myself to having unwanted sex but neither do I want to make my partner stifle their sexual needs.<br />
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And so I remain alone.

Hey there. Wow, that's a bit like me except I didn't have a brain tumour; I'm intersexed.

I am so truly sorry about the loss of your mom. I imaging all of your mental, physical, and emotional energy was poured into her. Now you are having a hard time to know how to fill it up all those places that your mom had occupied. It is so wonderful to know that you were there for her and I am sure that you were a great delight and provided alot of security and love that she needed. I give you honors in doing what you did. This just goes to show you how deep your heart is.