Mind Over MatterHi, I'm a 23 year-old woman, a virgin, and I'd say I'm about 95% asexual.
Let me just start by saying, to me, sex is like water-tasteless and pointless, unless you're dying of thirst.
The funny thing is I started out in life being pretty sexual. Even before puberty, I used to enjoy watching erotic films, and even ************. The difference between then and now was that back then, in my childish innocence, I saw nothing wrong with it-it was a natural thing to me, a new way to get pleasure, and that was the extent of it, as far as I saw. There was nothing dark or perverse about sex, the way I saw it..it wasn't until later that I started to figure a few things out..
Anyway, I honestly haven't touched my privates for reasons other than hygene in over 11 years, now..
At first, I think it started when I realized all the negative ways that sex was being used - as a means to dominate, control a person, to ob
Another reason was..the whole thing about being dominated. Being a raging feminist since birth, I need to feel free and in control of myself at all times. And if there is one thing I find more insulting than anything else in the world, it's being reduced to "a body". And that's all sex is about. Being reduced to meat.
Some people will say it's all in my head, but I know I am right about the following... Being a virgin is cool. It just is. If you're a woman, especially a pretty young woman, being a virgin is a statement. It's like saying "I have never been dominated", "I'm in control", "I have the upper hand over every man I meet".
I might be nuts, but I really believe sex messes with a woman's mind. It's nature's fault, really.. Women are programmed to be less powerful, physically, so after they have sex, a lot of them become submissive because they think(or are taught to believe) they are defined by their sex more than men are-which, of course, is crap. Men like to brag about how they're "the powerful ones" but forget the minor fact that they don't have a say in it. They can't take credit for their physical abilities, it's nature that takes the credit. Men and women are both pawns on natures' chess board. So, grow up.
Anyway, my point is, I am obsessed with not giving my power away..I'm afraid of losing my "mojo" if I sleep with someone. That's one aspect of it..the emotional undercurrents of asexuality.
I have recently started to really accept being asexual. For years, I have wondered about what is wrong with me, like why can't I get turned on as easily as some of the girls I knew, who were always "hot" for some guy.
I almost never get turned on by seeing naked men.
Also, - and this will definitely sound weird - I have actually been watching **** films for years(not every day, obiously, but a few days per month, at least) - hoping to get turned on, but I never did. And I mean NEVER. If anything, some are downright disgusting to me. I honestly don't see how anyone can enjoy watching ****. It's ridiculous, at best.
Basically I am totally asexual, most of the time-meaning I don't have any sex drive, or get turned on by anyone. I'll get "the urge" maybe once every 2 months, and it comes in short and intense bursts, that don't last for more than a few hours.
So, a few hours of horniness every 2 months(on average, cause it can be longer than that)- that's the extent of my sexuality.
And frankly, getting horny every now and then makes me realize how grateful I should be to be asexual. I think it sucks to feel like you depend on others for gratification.
Also, I am and always have been a very sensitive, emotional person. So a lot of the times, anything physical seems downright brutal to me, not just sex-anything.
I even hate being lightly touched, while fully clothed, because I feel invaded.
I just love to see myself as pure and spiritual, and hope to carry on like this for many years.
If I could find a man who would make me feel accepted for ME, it would be great, but if I can't, I'm not compromising.