So That's How It Ends...

I never felt that sexual intimacy is a must need in a relationship. Sometimes it felt good, sometimes my feelings were mixed, but I never knew there was the option of being asexual. I like cuddling, holding hands, hugging, even kissing is fine. But a couple of months ago I just didn't want to have a sexual relationship with my current partner and usually even intimate touching would create discomfort. So we drifted away, and I thought it may change but it didn't.
Is it my fault? did that have to happen? Can't I be like other women? Maybe I don't love him anymore? Should I let him go?
We had a talk, I didn't tell him about my change, recently everything is changing in my life and he knows it's tough. I told him about our 'dry season' and I wanted to discuss the possibilities with him. I would even approve if he needed it so much, he would ocassionaly bring a girl I would pick out with him. **** videos, stories, anything to make him feel better. But he said he is not like that. That he is fine.
I always tell him, never lie to me. I hate that, if you ever cheat on me, tell me,don't wait 10 years to pass. If you tell me now, we can deal with it, get a bit separation and get together in months time. He said he was ok.
So time went by. As my life changed around me, he stayed as well as my asexuality. I was really comfortable with it, thinking it was alright now. But a couple of days ago I saw he was hiding something. So I checked it out and guess what? He was chatting with a girl online, having cybersex, even wanting to arrange live action when I am out of town.
I was disappointed. I wanted to break-up. But I gave him a chance to come clean. I asked if there was someone else. The puppy dog look, his sad face when I told him I think we should separate indefinitely, tears coming to his eyes... he said there was no one else. I digged deeper, told him he would be happy when we get some distance and that he could see who he wanted and do what he wanted with them. He still said no.
I really hate lies. So now I have to say good-bye for my own sake. Because even though you can be with someone for years time sometimes your paths are divided and sometimes you don't even know who that person actually is anymore...
insanitycuresboredom insanitycuresboredom
22-25, F
2 Responses Sep 20, 2012

I'm sorry that's how it ended, I feel you gave him all you could have at the time, you were open and honest, and did not try to be selfish by keeping him. And yet he cheated, I'm not sure why man do that when we give them a way out, it hurts more. I was in a 10 year reationship, I felt there was something worng, broke it off, and he beg for 3 months till I toke him back. 3 Years past and I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong again I broke it off. This time his best friends and his wife told me, not to take him back because all the sings and red flags were real. He cheated on me for 10 years!! I was very hurt. You are young and have a lot to look forward to, good luck.

What is it about the sexual intimacy that you no longer enjoy? I felt this way with my last partner but I think it's because the passion was lacking and I wasn't as happy as I used to be. I'm sorry he felt like he had to lie to you. He should have just talked to you about it since you were giving him the opportunity to.

I honestly don't know. But it is unimaginable doing anything with him. But now I am thinking maybe I just didn't love him anymore. We are sorta separated now, we still see each other, but on a more friendly basis. It's sad because I thought he was a keeper for life, but I'm getting over it.

Sometimes I wish our emotions weren't so closely related to intimacy. Being females, it's so much complicated. I hope the best for you, you're still young, plenty of more keepers out there for you to meet :)