I Need Some Explanation...

So, I am not asexual (quite the opposite in fact) but I am wondering if my husband is.

He used to have more of a sex drive but has never really been that sexual of a person. Can people who are asexual BECOME asexual or is it more of a "pretending" thing they do until they realize they are ?

He told me that it wasn't that he wasn't attracted to me, it's that he is not attracted to ANYONE.. male or female.

He had his testosterone levels checked and they were within the normal ranges.

He swears up and down he is not gay.. I am in the best shape of my life and it is not that I am unattractive.. I know that. I just don't understand what else it could be.
Thatwasntme Thatwasntme
3 Responses Dec 10, 2012

Sounds like he has a textbook case of HSDD. Which isn't all that distinguishable from asexuality admittedly. A lot of different things like depression, relationship issues, etc. can trigger something like that. It's also possible he just never actually liked sex but was just lying to himself or felt embarrassed. I know that's how I've felt.

Sometimes people don't realize they are asexual. They may know that something is wrong--they don't experience the same drive for sex as other people seem to--but they may believe that they haven't "found the right person" yet. Your husband may have believed that most people were really wired just like he is, but were all pretending to be interested in sex because it was culturally fashionable. Or perhaps he was trying hard to please you because he loved you, so he pushed himself out of his comfort zone sexually, for you.

Talk to him about it, and perhaps suggest he see a counselor, or do couples therapy, to work out how he really feels.

Therapy may not change who he is, but it may help him understand himself better.

If his hormones are fine then it's a psychological issue. He might have always been like this but just wanted to make you happy.