I Am Asexual
For as long as I can remember I haven't been interested in sex. I thought maybe I was a afraid of it or something. Maybe I am because I know it's awkward for me. I'm still a virgin and it used to bother me a lot but now, not so much. Few months ago I discovered AVEN.com and realized I am asexual. This rang true for me and made me feel better, until I started realizing how hard it would be finding friends and potential partners near me. I feel really alone in my area because everyone I'm around is sexual by nature (which is normal.)
Another thing is I am only into women romantically. I can form strong bonds with men but only imagine myself being romantic with a woman. This has caused me to be single for so long. I came out lesbian, then bisexual, then demisexual to friends and family. But I know it just confused them, as it did me. So now I've only told a couple of people. Only one person really knows how I feel and understands me. Others know my distaste for sex and especially the thought of sex with men. I've had a couple of experiences with men (nothing important) and it had the same effect on me as if I was trying to do sexual things to a wall.
I hate this and love this at the same time. I love it because I don't feel bad for not wanting sex anymore. I don't feel this guilty sense of laziness if I don't want sex with others. I have never been pregnant and as longs as I'm safe I never will be. I haven't had the drama that comes with being sexually active. I have more things to do with my time and interests and have just as much love to give as anyone else. But I also hate this because everyone else has sex on their mind and I honestly don't care about it. It will make the search for the "one and only" even harder. More people will misunderstand me and take what I say as if I'm naive and inexperienced with life. As if the ultimate goal in life is to be good in bed?
I have been on every dating site you could think of and no luck. I have my eye one one particular person who lives 30 minutes away, is asexual, and SO very similar to me. But I've learned not to get my hopes up.
For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of being alone forever. All I can do is focus on school, employment, and accomplishing my goals. Maybe someday I will find someone before it's too late.
Thanks for sticking around to read this whole thing. :)
Another thing is I am only into women romantically. I can form strong bonds with men but only imagine myself being romantic with a woman. This has caused me to be single for so long. I came out lesbian, then bisexual, then demisexual to friends and family. But I know it just confused them, as it did me. So now I've only told a couple of people. Only one person really knows how I feel and understands me. Others know my distaste for sex and especially the thought of sex with men. I've had a couple of experiences with men (nothing important) and it had the same effect on me as if I was trying to do sexual things to a wall.
I hate this and love this at the same time. I love it because I don't feel bad for not wanting sex anymore. I don't feel this guilty sense of laziness if I don't want sex with others. I have never been pregnant and as longs as I'm safe I never will be. I haven't had the drama that comes with being sexually active. I have more things to do with my time and interests and have just as much love to give as anyone else. But I also hate this because everyone else has sex on their mind and I honestly don't care about it. It will make the search for the "one and only" even harder. More people will misunderstand me and take what I say as if I'm naive and inexperienced with life. As if the ultimate goal in life is to be good in bed?
I have been on every dating site you could think of and no luck. I have my eye one one particular person who lives 30 minutes away, is asexual, and SO very similar to me. But I've learned not to get my hopes up.
For the first time in my life, I'm afraid of being alone forever. All I can do is focus on school, employment, and accomplishing my goals. Maybe someday I will find someone before it's too late.
Thanks for sticking around to read this whole thing. :)
By:
SuperMagicMuffin
Age:
22-25
,
Female
