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Growing Up In A Generation Growing Up Too Fast

I'm 16, a teenage girl, and most of my friends are no longer virgins. This really puzzles me. At no point in time have I even thought of having sex. The whole idea seems foreign; I've been thinking I must be a different species. Everyone around me seems focused on sex, while I'm focused on other things like my schoolwork, my hobbies, my art. I had a boyfriend who was a pig to say the least. He always wanted to make out with me, to touch me. It made me uncomfortable. I liked him, but I didn't like the physical contact that came with it. I'm now in a relationship with a girl and I'm in love with her. But I don't have any interest in having sex with her. My mother has tried to talk to me about it; I've been warned about STDs, but I assure them I'm just not interested. When I kiss my girlfriend, I don't really feel anything. Still, I know it's a sign of affection, that it's special and only I can kiss her, but I don't necessarily need it. I'm very rarely aroused, which is odd for someone my age whose hormones are running rampant. I thought maybe I'm just not ready for it, but now I'm starting to think it's something more. Sex disgusts me. When I see it on TV, I'm confused. What's the big deal? I don't need it. I don't want it. Will I ever? Who knows.
fishcantblink fishcantblink 18-21, F 6 Responses Jan 27, 2013

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I didn't think one bit about having sex either at your age... it took time, my body maturing. I'm 35 now and this past year something clicked in me and its all I can think about and want. I caution you to keep from labeling yourself as anything. You are just you. You don't have to be asexual.. you can be just you... and when and if your body is ready, then you will know it. Please just wait to get married until you do feel that feeling because otherwise you will be cheating the other person out of an emotional intimacy and connection and need.

You sound normal to me,its our culture that is so obsessed with it.Don't worry about it,when the time is right you will know.Good for you for being different,and interested in other things.There are so many things to enjoy.reading,traveling,being with friends,food,etc,etc.You are just fine,and should be proud that you do not think of sex,sex,all the time.The media,movies,books,they produce all that stuff because it sells,not because it is so amazing.

Omg it's like I know you! I'm seventeen and I lost my virginity not to long ago... I guess because I was pressured and also everyone I knew (like my friends) talked about it and knew what it felt like and I wanted to know as well. Sex was foreign to me too, I had come from an Art School I was focused on the visual arts and school but not knowing what it felt like bothered me. I'm bisexual so I had been with girls more sexually than guys. I had been involved with a girl where I let things between us get way to physical.... I mean when we were involved sexually It was like I felt nothing, (I don't get very aroused easily) It was weird because I did care about this girl but like I said I felt nothing when we were going at it and It wasn't like she wasn't liking because she would moan and lust but it just wasn't working for me. So I thought maybe I don't like girls so I did the stupid thing and lost my virginity to my boyfriend at the time and yet again I felt nothing. But honestly I regret my decision, What Iv'e learned is that it was because I just liked them it was just lust and I feel like that to enjoy advanced sexual experiences you truly have to know and care about the person your with. The boyfriend I lost my virginity to I learned had been cheating on me he was a military boy and it felt awful he had cheated and disappeared to Japan without telling me. But anyways I have a new boyfriend and when he just touches me I feel over whelmed for him, and I know it's because I truly care about him and even a tight hug from him gets me going. What I'm trying to say is don't worry about the other people.... Because really their not going to be in the bedroom when it really comes down to it. Just do what feels right and listen to your instincts, I wish I had.

You have the right thing on your mind. You are focused on school and success. That is great. It's okay not to follow what others are doing. Be yourself. Sex isn't everything and alot of girls your age expierence exactly what you are. i think when you reach the point in your life when you are ready all feelings will come into play. you can't expierence something to the fullest when your mind don't care about it. when you become open to the wanting of it i can assure you, you will feel what others do. i think its great you are putting school first. Being a leader and not a follower isn't easy. you are unique. enjoy what others aren't ,then when your ready enjoy what you want.

And you shouldn't be focused on sex as a 16 year old. Take the time to enjoy your youth while you have it. You're still a kid, whether or not you think so. And kids need to act like kids, not like adults. Somehow society has come out with an idea that it's NOT okay to be a virgin after a certain age. Take all the time that you need and want to figure out who you are and what you want. Whether you're straight or a lesbian or bisexual. You are you and be proud of who you are. Follow your own path and don't conform. It seems as though you're just unsure about your sexuality and not about sex. Once you come to find who you are, everything will fall into place and sex will be a pleasure to you. Good luck and enjoy the adventure we call life!

Hello, I just joined this group. I just wanted to say that you might want to let your girlfriend know. Men are not the only ones that get hurt if they feel their partner does not want them sexually. She might think you find her (as opposed to sex) disgusting... or just generally think it is something about herself. I had a friend who was a girl in a relationship with an asexual girl and she went through a lot of pain. Please do not misconstrue this with some kind of judgment. I just wanted to help you think of all sides. Actually, it is not clear if you have told her or not from what you have written here so I apologize if you have already told her and my words are moot. I was the exact same way thought wise at your age (I just never did date) and it was, and still often times is, very unsettling to think about how fundamentally different I am. I am getting more understanding of myself and I hope you can find peace. Best case scenario, your girlfriend knows and is happy with the situation. I wish you the best of luck!