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I Am Asexual

I have been used and abused most of my life, I am currently in a long term relationship of 20 years. Most of this time I have 'given in' to my partners sexual demands. We used to have arguments about sex all the time and made to feel guilty because I didn't want sex at all.

In the end I removed the one thing that caused all the arguments, sex, and even though he did not like the idea, I told him that this is how it's going to be, I said he had a choice in life the same as me, he could either stay or go.

I love this man to bits, and for 11 years there has been no sex, kisses and cuddles yes but nothing further than this.

I have had counselling for the abuse and have seen a sex counselor, after talking to her, I came to realise that this is who I am and I am so happy and at ease with myself.

I thought that something was wrong with me, but I came to the conclusion that I am perfectly normal.

I am new to the group and I did not know there were groups like this. Brilliant.
littlelady10 littlelady10 61-65, F 2 Responses Feb 1, 2013

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If you could what advice would be to a young woman facing the asexual topic?

If you love him to bits, and he clearly wants sex, let him go. Divorce him. Be friends and just love him to bits as a friend. And let him get his needs, very deep needs to him, met. Its selfish of you to "love him to bits" and not allow such a basic need that he has to be met. He will die inside slowly. Be frustrated emotionally and physically and will secretly, or openly resent you. You are hurting him. Its good you are good with yourself. But he ISN'T okay with himself this way. If you love something let it go... other than a tax return and having a roommate, your life won't change to divorce him, but HIS life will finally be free to meet someone who shares his needs to be cuddled, held, loved and not refused and made to feel that what they want is so wrong and hurtful... when it is something beautiful and pleasing to him.Just sayn.