I was a virgin until I was 22 and it didn't seem unusual to me. It felt great keeping sex out of the equation.
In school I was the only girl who didn't obsess over a star, I could have given two shots less about all the "hot guys". Yes I had a few crushes on guys and girls, but I never had fantasies of being physical with them. I always saw a beautiful person like a wonderful piece of art, I just wanted to look at them.
I actually broke up with a guy because I tried to picture myself having sex with him and it grossed me out too much.
When I was 22 I got married, I still don't know why I got married, but when I lost my virginity I was drunk, so it was nothing.
But in the years since I have grown to realize I was a happier person with no sex. In fact sex just grosses me out, annoys me, and bores me. I'd rather just be in the same room with a good looking, walking, talking piece of art.
Now here I am 9 yrs married, two kids, and it's been over 4mo since I allowed my husband to touch me. And I have no intention, despite his occasional asking, to ever let him touch me again.
I've asked for a divorce so he can pursue a normal life, but he refused.
I just don't know what to do now. I've dug my hole too deep to climb out of, sometimes I just think it would be better to bury myself in it.
BrokenOneX BrokenOneX
Aug 21, 2014