It Sucks

It's hard to explain how it makes me feel-being asexual. It's lonely, not having anyone to talk about it because I can't bring myself to tell anyone. It shouldn't be embarrassing, but it is for me. Is it my fault that we live in a society where everyone is so quick to pass judgement on each other? No one I know could even understand how depressing it is to know that you'll never have a chance to be in a perfect relationship, because it's damn near impossible to find someone else that's also asexual and that you click with.

It's even harder knowing that you are going to have an arranged marriage, and even though you do get the last say, it's even more impossible to find someone like you in that type of situation. And when you marry you're going to be expected to have children, to make a family. I want so much to go through life without having to have sex ever, but it just can't happen. So often I sit there and wish I could find someone I get along with, someone asexual, and someone of my religion and culture and that everything could just fall into place. We would adopt children and we would never have to do the dirty, we'd live happily ever after. Do you know how much easier that would be?

As it is, being asexual is almost as bad as being gay. Not saying that I think being gay is bad, but from my family/religions point of view it is. And although being asexual isn't a sin, how do you explain to your parents that their eldest daughter doesn't want to have children. It just sucks, and sometimes I wish I could just want sex so that things could be easier.

ContraryMary ContraryMary
18-21, F
11 Responses Sep 25, 2007

it doesn't help that only 1% of people are asexual meh. oh well

I agree with you completely. It would be so wonderful to find an asexual person with my religion who would want to adopt and just live happily ever after. But in our position it is so difficult to find anyone who understands or even believes us. And if we find a partner, they might not be completely asexual and may end up wanting sex. This can be a very difficult life, but NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF. You are who you are for a reason, jsut hang in there :) Life can go nowhere but up.

None of you should feel guilty, or ashamed being asexual. You may (thought wise) yearn for that connection, but if it's not needed then great! I would suggest starting your own online community for Asexuals to meet others of a like mind! <br />
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It's much harder saying your gay than asexual. Asexual is a great thing, because you never have to worry about sexual sin. You CAN have a relationship that's not sexual (and in reality, all should be doing this until marriage) and you have adopt like you said. I don't see why this cannot become a reality! Gather some like minds on the web, and find some in your area - go ahead, nothing is really stopping you, just build up the motivation and it will happen. Best of luck to you!

It is frustrating when advertising and media with "sex sells" think we all approve and we all don't.<br />
What about us who are asexual and for various reasons whether we like it or we don't? But still the media throw it in our faces and it is frustrating when we cannot THINK and FEEL what we are supposed to or what is EXPECTED of us? Disappointment, anger and frustration are the result.

Banksy, believe me if I could I would have nothing to do with you "horny animals" but I do not have another option. It's not as though I plan on getting married with someone and never having sex with them after we make babies, I am well aware of the expectations a spouse would have and I do not intend to shy away from my duties. So please leave you judgmental and entirely unnecessary comments elsewhere.

If you think being asexual is bad, try living with someone with normal libido. You will destroy his/her life for sure. My advice: don't get married. But then in my experience, these asexual people want children nevertheless. Why destroy some poor sod's life? If YOU want kids, find some other way of having them then using someone else as baby-making machine and then leave him/her locked up in a triangle of parental love, desire and disappointment. I accept that asexuality is a way of life but this 'way of life' must not include marriage with a sexual person. Go find yourself a suitable partner who could reciprocate your Platonic longings but leave us horny animals alone. We are not your baby-making machines.

as long as you aren't selling a bill of goods to a sexual partner that you can't fulfill, then i see no problem with it. with the proliferation of avenues to find people on the internet, i would think finding other asexuals and hence a partner is not nearly as difficult as it may have been 20 years ago.

I think asexuality is not an illness, but a way of living. But society doesn't understand it. The main problem is lonely, and the difficulty to find a partner for a platonic relationship. You may try or another matchmaking website for asexuals, where you could find someone to get rid of this lonelyness.<br />
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I Wish you the Best<br />

sussexram...a very low testosterone level could definitely explain your lack of interest in anybody, male or female. If it's something you want to change (I'm not suggesting you do, just if), see your doctor and ask him/her to do a full test, checking for total test levels, free and bound test, SHBG levels, and estrogen. Having them just check total testosterone levels is not enough, if too much is bound (and not free), it can cause the same problem as not having enough.<br />
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If you do this, I'd be curious to know what the tests say. That is, if you'd be willing to share.

God I can soo related! Which is really embarrassing considering my age, but hey you get that. i've gone to all-girls schools most of my life, so I feel very very awkward around males and tend to avoid them completely. When I am socialising and someone makes a move on me I panic and leave the situation as soon as possible. This is weird, for me, because in primary school, around 5th grade, I had this bf who I frenched like all the time. Since then I've had two "girlfriends" neither of which progressed past one or two kisses on the mouth and then a breakup. I'm petrified of doing anything, its just so weird and....not for me. If I was forced to do something I would prefer it to be with a female (can relate better) but I would prefer not to have to do anything. I thought I was like some freak or something so finding this group is a relief!

I do not think I am from the same culture as you, ContraryMary, but a lot of what you say, I am frighteningly able to relate to.<br />
Most of my friends do not even know about my 'lack of sexual orientation', although my closest friends do, or have guessed it. As a lad, I am sure that most girls (and gay blokes I suppose) I meet can tell that I am not interested in them in that way, and I find that some judge me because of it.<br />
As you say, ContraryMary, 'embarrassing' and 'depressing' are exactly the two words I think of. I am naturally hard on myself in most aspects of life, and suspect that it somehow stems from this 'problem'. I do not want to offend other members on this forum by describing it as a 'problem', for I appreciate and realise that many of your good selves are comfortable being this way.<br />
I am 18 years old now, and at the moment, I am an ardent fan of football; my mother would even describe me as obssessed with my local team, and it is fair to say that my life is weighted heavily on supporting the team. The reason I mention this, is that my family and some friends believe that it is the reason for 'not having time' for sex, or boy and girlfriends. However, I have mates who support the football club equally as much as, if not more passionately than me and yet, as far as I know, they are 'normal' in that they have a sexual orientation.<br />
The other thing is, I was born a triplet (perfectly naturally) and apparently this means that I might be slightly late 'developing'. I, however, am pretty sure I am not mixing up being a late developer with being asexual. I do not think I have 'physical' problems, but all the same, I wonder if there is any research to suggest that triplets are more prone than other groups to asexuality. Furthermore, I suspect I have low levels of testosterone because I also have a problem with muscle development, and apparently these two things can be interlinked. Anyone think the above are relevant?<br />
I have even 'tried' to be a certain way inclined, gay and staright for examples. I even named it 'focus' therapy where I would focus on someone and try to make myself find them attractive sexually. Needless to say it does not work.<br />
Anyway, I hope I have not bored people. It is just such a relief to be able to write down how I feel.<br />
Best wishes<br />
Sussex Ram