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Self-discovery

I had known for some time that I didn't think of sex as much or as intently as my peers. When they started talking about ****, I had had enough sex-ed to know that I probably had simply had not reached that stage of puberty yet. But as time passed, I began to notice that I had, by every other measure, passed puberty, and still I felt nothing when watching ****, nor any kind of sexual attraction, nor did ************ do anything for me. Sure, I found some women beautiful (and still do), had some crushes, but there was no ulterior motive. Merely sometimes a desire to get to know them better, or just happiness when around them; nothing sexual.



Time passed, and I entered university. I eventually was left alone with a girl on whom I had something of a crush, and it turned out to be mutual. One thing led to another, and we ended up in my room. Thinking "the real thing" could be vastly different from ****/************, I was willing to try.



It was boring. No more, no less. I went through the motions, but she could obviously tell something was missing. Whereas I had felt 'warm and fuzzy' (cliché, but still the best way to describe it) while holding her, kissing her, etc., sex was merely tedious. We slowly drifted apart after that, because neither of us were sure how to bring it up.



Only later would I discover AVEN and the correct word for how I felt.
Shoes Shoes 19-21, M 7 Responses Sep 14, 2006

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Some people literally are asexual. Just not interested/really attracted to anyone. If you are attracted to the opposite sex maybe you can find someone that's not too into sex and build a life together. Building a relationship foundation on sex is a mistake anyway; I guess we all decrease interest after a certain age. (& maybe the right one just hasn't showed up yet)

I tend to say that I am just looking for 'great personalities'.

yah exactly! although i appreciate beauty and weirdness

Yes...I understand how you feel. I don't want sex.....I can be attracted to people,but not want sex with them really....I kinda thought I was just a weirdo hahhaha or I just hadn't found anyone interesting yet......<br />
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I have friends who love me for me and if I don't get anything romantic,then that'll be just that. If something happens i will 83.

Paddy, when I was much younger it seemed to matter to me also, but now the warmth I want to feel is, as you describe it, from an understanding friend. Yes, a good hug does wonders, and I haven't had one of them in years, but it would be nice. Interestingly, being in the South with many people my own age, those I wouldn't have even thought of years ago, I find myself looking and thinking "Yeah, I could hug him/her." The longer I look the more I feel it. I think I give myselt that freedom and maybe that's all I need. How many times have I landed in bed with the best looking person in the bar and thinking "Now what do I do?" Oy.<br />
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. Be well, soul.

I went through the same thing, oh well, its life. Am I going to sit and feel sorry for me because of it? A resounding NO! Its a non-issue to me and especially at this point in my life it just doesn't matter, I have seen too many others sitting at bars and trying to figue out why they are not a sexual dynamo for everyone. It is sad to observe but then I ask, if after 20,000 encounters with others would it really matter, would it count, would it make them a better person? I think not. <br />
To love, to understand is more (much more) important than a tyrst in the bed, after all, when you're done has it really brought the two of you closer in mind and spirit or was just a chance "to get off" only you can be honest (Brutally, full naked type) unto yourself and many are either unwilling or unable to do so.

I just posted my story without checking to find this one - I'm the real old man (well, maybe not the original, but a good copy) with a similar story. This is great, finding you. As Joan Rivers might say, "Can we talk?" Thom

I feel this way also. I would like to find out more about "AVEN" can you help?Please post at silverpirit on this site.<br />
thanx silverspirit