Self-discoveryI had known for some time that I didn't think of sex as much or as intently as my peers. When they started talking about ****, I had had enough sex-ed to know that I probably had simply had not reached that stage of puberty yet. But as time passed, I began to notice that I had, by every other measure, passed puberty, and still I felt nothing when watching ****, nor any kind of sexual attraction, nor did ************ do anything for me. Sure, I found some women beautiful (and still do), had some crushes, but there was no ulterior motive. Merely sometimes a desire to get to know them better, or just happiness when around them; nothing sexual.
Time passed, and I entered university. I eventually was left alone with a girl on whom I had something of a crush, and it turned out to be mutual. One thing led to another, and we ended up in my room. Thinking "the real thing" could be vastly different from ****/************, I was willing to try.
It was boring. No more, no less. I went through the motions, but she could obviously tell something was missing. Whereas I had felt 'warm and fuzzy' (cliché, but still the best way to describe it) while holding her, kissing her, etc., sex was merely tedious. We slowly drifted apart after that, because neither of us were sure how to bring it up.
Only later would I discover AVEN and the correct word for how I felt.
Shoes 19-21, M 7 Responses 1 Sep 14, 2006