I Hate Myself.

I truly do hate myself. I'm fat and disgusting and I can't look at myself in the mirror without wanting to burn myself alive. I had friends who thought I was so pretty and so great, but when I started to like them and started to want more from our friendship and they said they didn't feel the same I felt like I was lied to. Like I was betrayed. Led on and shot down in cold blood. The first time it happened I just ran from her and hated myself for everything. Hated myself because I'm ugly and unappealing. I still think I'm that way from people in high school. Nobody wanted me and I still think it's because I'm unattractive. I'm heavy set and it annoys me. I've been trying my hardest to lose weight these past few weeks and I don't see a difference. If anything I think I'm even bigger. It makes me not want to go outside because I'm so ashamed. It makes me feel like a failure. But I also feel like I deserve better. My whole life I've had to deal with so many things that were just unfair and now I want it to change, but it's not. It's not changing and it feels like it's my fault. It probably is my fault. And that's depressing and shameful.
RandaJM RandaJM
18-21, F
4 Responses May 18, 2012

You are PERFECT! Don't feel bad about urself. I was you a year ago, and trust me, IT GETS BETTER!! Just find something you enjoy doing to take ur mind off of things for a while, make a career out of it. And fix ur personal life in the meantime. Just pray. Never give up on urself. One thing that I realized this year is that god does exist, He/she exists in each human being underneath all of the shame, and depression. Please don't give up. I wish u nothing but the best <333

Take time for the changes you want to make. You can't loose weight overnight and you must never ever starve yourself. This will only trigger a bigger appetite you won't be able to control. Try to make healthy choices, add more fresh vegetables and fruit to your diet, cut down on the sugar and trust me you will see a difference one day. There is no such thing as a quick, efficient, magic diet. It all takes time and self control. As for the other problem, I can only suggest patience. People come in all shapes and sizes and there's something great about each and every one of us. In your lifetime you will meet dozens of new and interesting people and you may never know what tomorrow will bring. Not everyone will like you just like you don't like each and every person out there. It will get better one day. Try to focus on your positive features and emphasize them. Nobody is a failure. I do wish you a lot of luck and happiness.

DON'T GIVE UP! You are here for a reason. Losing weight takes a LOT of time and effort but the end result will make you gain confidence and will make you realize your self-worth, trust me. We, being females, tend to magnify the "critical errors" we see in our bodies. I for one come from a family on the heavier end of the weighing scale. So genetics formed this big-boned, short, plump body of mine. And no matter how much I exercise I'll never become truly skinny. I'll never have model-ish legs and I'm never gonna get any taller. I understand your pain and I accept you for who you are. I hope you come to accept yourself and change yourself for the better. Don't lose hope. Try signing up at the gym or engaging is sports :) It helped me lots. Your honesty makes you beautiful already, but your will to change will make people acknowledge that beauty and maybe even inspire them. Good luck!

Sorry if I don't say anything constructive, but you can't quit. Take all that pain and suffering and use it as a motivation to achieve your goal. You're not ugly. Hell, everyone is beautiful in their own way and if your friends can't see that then it's their loss. They'll come to their senses one day. In the meantime, you need to work on your self-confidence girl and remember that you are a beautiful person.