I Hate Myself.
I truly do hate myself. I'm fat and disgusting and I can't look at myself in the mirror without wanting to burn myself alive. I had friends who thought I was so pretty and so great, but when I started to like them and started to want more from our friendship and they said they didn't feel the same I felt like I was lied to. Like I was betrayed. Led on and shot down in cold blood. The first time it happened I just ran from her and hated myself for everything. Hated myself because I'm ugly and unappealing. I still think I'm that way from people in high school. Nobody wanted me and I still think it's because I'm unattractive. I'm heavy set and it annoys me. I've been trying my hardest to lose weight these past few weeks and I don't see a difference. If anything I think I'm even bigger. It makes me not want to go outside because I'm so ashamed. It makes me feel like a failure. But I also feel like I deserve better. My whole life I've had to deal with so many things that were just unfair and now I want it to change, but it's not. It's not changing and it feels like it's my fault. It probably is my fault. And that's depressing and shameful.